one way to deal with the direct market mail

i got this one from my little brother after he got a crap load of junk mail from some one. ill clarify junk mail, its all the ones that have "you have won" and the such on the envelope. he made this letter and sent it back to them using their envelope and we havent had 1 letter since then. so here is his letter i found it quite amusing.
Rubber Duck Club™
Counselor of squeaky rubber ducks and reasonable thinking

How do I control my Enthusiam of another person joining our
Rubber Duck Club?!™

Dear Mr lousy git,
Realistically, instead of you sending me a special report, which if you are as
psychic as you think, you would know I was going to send this letter in return.
Don’t send me a bank card or master card or cheque, just cold hard cash (plus two rubber ducks)! In which for return you get...nothing! What a good deal!

In fact, I would really like to give you the pleasure of getting your Crud®
sent back to you. It’s kind of like waiting for someone to open a gift you have just given to them. You want them to see their suprise when they cut the ribbon and tear the paper off. That’s exactly how I’ll feel when you find your Crud® in this envelope.....Such a good feeling!

All my life I could see that some idiot would send their Crud® through the mail to me. I could sense that some people were not as smart as me, and couldn’t see a scam when it came. It’s like my personal psychic television.

At this moment I wish I blast some gas or get someone to pull my finger. Here’s why: Mr lousy git, what I’m seeing now and want you to know about right away, is that your life may soon take a sudden upswing after you send me lots of
money in cash (plus two rubber ducks)!

I realise news like this may shock and offend you. Fancy getting Crud® sent to me, you’ll say to yourself. That’s a perfectly Normal Reaction!

Let me assure you, sending us the money may....might get you into the Rubber Duck Club.™

But, Mr lousy git, It is YOU
that I want to guide and help you now!
(After you send us the money)

There are basically no rewards, because we are too cheap. Feel free to send
us the money.

If you don’t send the rubber duckies and the cash, don’t send us any more junk or rubbish, ‘cause we’ll send it back!

[Edited on 19-8-2004 by barls]

LMAO classic :bounce how long did it take him to think of that ??

i once used the "jerry seinfeild" reply to the phone guys :P

*at a really odd hour*

phone person: high we are doing a survey
me:thats nice....although im buisy atm how bout you give me your number and i call you back at a really disturbingly bad time??
phone person:pardon?
me: since you record this crap while your waiting for me to call back you can play it back to your self and find out.

*i hung up hear*

i was in a baaadd mood at that point of time :P

it took him about an hour cause he just has this weird sense of humour. can you tell hes a graphic designer

i used to do telemarketing.. abuse, and people trying to be funny dosent bother them.. just hang up and onto the next call.. which is good for both parties sake..

although if i ever had anyone hang up w/o saying anything, i'd call them back and say " i'm sorry.. i think the phone dropped out"

and if they ask for my number i say, "sure, have you got a pen?"

Stumps them🙂

lol luckily i have a pen near the phone 😉

if they got a pen (often do) i just give them my mobile number, with one number wrong.. lol