Actual amount of semen per ejaculation: 1-2 teaspoons
Average number of times a man will ejaculate in his lifetime: 7,200
Average # of times he will ejaculate from masturbation: 2,000
Average total amount of lifetime ejaculate: 14 gallons
Average amount of water it takes to fill a bathtub: 35 gallons
Average speed of ejaculation: 28 miles per hour
Average speed of a city bus: 25 miles per hour
Average # of calories in a teaspoon of semen: 7
Average # of calories in a can of Dr. Pepper: 150
Average length of penis when not erect: 3.5 inches
Average length when erect: 5.1
Smallest natural penis recorded: 5/8 of an inch
Largest natural penis recorded: 11 inches
Largest penis in the animal kingdom: 11 feet (blue whale)
Height from court floor to the rim of a basketball hoop: 10 feet
Most arousing time of day/season for a man: early morning/fall
Best ways to improve sexual function: quit smoking, start exercising, lose weight.
Foods that improve sex life: oysters, lean meat, seafood, whole grains, wheat germ, chicken fingers from Erie dining hall
Percent of men who say they masturbate: 60%
Percent of men who say they masturbate at least once a day: 54%
Percent of men who say they feel guilty masturbating that often: 41%
Amount of time needed for a man to regain erection: from 2 min to 2weeks
Average # of erections per day for a man: 11
Average # of erections during the night: 9
Time it takes an average person to complete a marathon: 4 hours
Sperm life: 2 1/2 months (from development to ejaculation)
Cost of a year's supply of condoms: $100
Thickness of the average condom: .07 mm
Thickness of super-thin condoms: .05 mm
In general, the taste of a man's semen varies with his diet. Some say that the alkaline-based foods (fish and some meats) produce a buttery or fishy taste. Dairy products can create a foul taste; the taste of semen after eating asparagus is said to be the foulest. ACIDIC FRUITS AND ALCOHOL (EXCEPT PROCESSED LIQUORS) GIVE IT A PLEASANT AND SUGARY TASTE. Examples:
oranges, mangos, kiwi, lemons, grapefruit, limes, Labatt Blue, Honey Brown, etc. drinking a Corona with lime is double the fun)
Odors that increase blood flow to the penis: lavender, licorice, chocolate, doughnuts, pumpkin pie (happy thanksgiving!)
Yes, the penis does shrink in cold water
It is common for men to wake up with 'morning wood', a name for an a.m. erection
Blue balls, or the term a man uses when he says his balls will explode if he doesn't have sex, is totally false
:thumb:P馃槉kiss
jenz58 路
Yes I looked but got bored 馃榾
baby_beetle 路
lol ahhaha :P
VolksFolks 路
Labatt Blue
LMFAO
jenz58 路
Percent of men who say they feel guilty masturbating that often: 41%
I don't believe it!!!
Average # of erections per day for a man: 11
Good stats...I'm impressed
Amount of time needed for a man to regain erection: from 2 min to 2weeks
2 weeks? Argh!!!
oranges, mangos, kiwi, lemons, grapefruit, limes, Labatt Blue, Honey Brown, n drinking a Corona with lime
....sounds a good diet
...mmmm...must have got over the bordom somewhere
Where's the VW content?
Am I the only one fool enough to reply?:jesus
Help!!
OK ....I'm working my way down d posts here....
Mikeaus 路
No you aren't the only one 馃檪
jenz58 路
But you didn't have much to say....:jesus :blush
oval TOFU 路
Percent of men who say they masturbate: 60%
and the other 39% are bloody liars!
jenz58 路
Well I was going to say that but went for the feeling guilty stat.....I'd say that was zero :thumb
lugnuts 路
Hey Jen,1hr42min yuv been hangin on this thread :duh
zac_smits 路
haha yes but she says she was only bored...
i looked caus i'm a guy so i'm allowed...
jenz is just...well, we won't go there..
zac
jenz58 路
lugnuts I can't help myself cos I'm a pure deviate....thank you for not going there zac....
....damn am I the only girl in here...this is getting very embarrasing :blush
Hmmm....and no I didn't get up this early JUST to come and see what was happening...the caffeine I had last night started to kick in and woke me up....
vw54 路
Percent of men who say they masturbate: 60%
and the other 39% are bloody liars!
oval TOFU
Mate its more like the other 40% are liars
Jen what are you doing on this thread LOL :duh
vw54 路
Blue balls, or the term a man uses when he says his balls will explode if he doesn't have sex, is totally false
yes this quote is NOT true,,..... of course they will explode....
zac_smits 路
hahahaha.
i'd be worried if my balls were blue 馃槉blush
Robo 路
I thought John Holmes had 14 inch's, must have used a dodgy tape measure!
Rob...馃槑
zac_smits 路
Robo wrote:I thought John Holmes had 14 inch's, must have used a dodgy tape measure!
Rob...馃槑
why would you want to think that?
neway..here's some info just to prove that wrong
"
Largest Penis
Naturally we begin with the topic foremost on men鈥檚 minds. The average penis size for white males is about 6.2 inches, so if you don't quite measure up, don鈥檛 worry: penis size has relatively little to do with one鈥檚 capacity to pleasure. Remember: it ain鈥檛 the meat, it鈥檚 the motion.
The largest erect member in medical literature would be the 14-inch organ mentioned by Dr. David Reuben in his book Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (1969). Reuben didn鈥檛 divulge any source for this figure, and there was no independent verification, so you may question his accuracy. The largest medically verified penis on record is 13.5 inches long and 6.25 inches around, documented in the early twentieth century by Dr. Robert L. Dickinson. Other sources (Alfred Kinsey, Masters and Johnson, etc.) mention specimens ranging from 9.5 to 12 inches.
Then there are the dubious claims of immense penis size by various personages operating within the sex industry (read: porn actors). These claims are almost invariably false, the result of exaggeration and hype by unscrupulous dealers hoping to hawk more products. Take the legendary Long Dong Silver, for instance. Made famous by the Clarence Thomas-Anita Hill hearings, his one enduring trait was his supposedly 18-inch penis. Totally fraudulent, as it turns out; in fact, there are videos in which he appears only normal sized.
Incidentally, if you wish to pursue this matter on your own (anticipating a slow weekend, perhaps?) you measure along the top."
good old google...
Robo 路
Don't tell me its all lie's?
Rob...馃槑
jenz58 路
n what about Les Patterson's bulge...that turns women on no end .....mmmm....almost went down to the knee
Did anyone ever get a pic of Errol Flynns? That's been a legend for years...
Hmmm.....why am I here n posting? Should be hiding my perversion:duh
zac_smits 路
jenz that's damn right... but then again...
hahaha
(i don't want to even try to find those pics for you....)
zac
jenz58 路
lol....why not zac? :jesus
Robo 路
Hey I thought Jenz was gone for the day! must have been a bit of ESP that made her log back on! nothing like a thread with this sort of content to get the ladies excited!
Rob...馃槑
zac_smits 路
haha. yeh there's not many thread like this is their robo...
but then jenz gets excited at some odd things....
VolksFolks 路
So wheres the stats about 'Women' will be a interesting read!!
Andy
zac_smits 路
hey andy you got a type three?? just saw one flash by in your avatar...
zac
VolksFolks 路
hey zak, tis a 64 notchbach, i got it for my wife, hehe, are you in the uk now, i lived in that hole for 30 years, now i live in the best place ever, i am from lincolnshire!!!
jenz58 路
Rob...zac....yes I do...my imagination goes crazy!!! 馃槈 :o :P
Hmmm....what would I have to look up to find stats on women? :blush
zac_smits 路
oo bugger...i stuffed that one up.
(got some error so i'm typing this for the 2nd time now)
yeh i've claimed dad's 1964 type 3 as well. that's very cool that you have one too.
i'm in the cotswolds. about 9miles from cirencester. and get this, it's apparently going to snow next week. (it's been predicted) and this will be te coldest winter for 130years. it's been getting into minus temperatures most nights.
crazy...
zac
oh, and i only have to survive over here until december 30th at 10.30pm, and then i can return home!!
zac_smits 路
same time at posting there jenz..thought i was seeing things..
what to look up to find stats on women...hmm, that's a hard one 馃檪馃檪
zac
vern74 路
Very interesting stats
Would hate to be so deformed to have a 11 inch penis
Guilty about wanking.......never
jenz58 路
That was very spooky zac
...OK I'll see what I can find on womenz business....I may have to censor it before it can go up 馃榾
So why do they have their fair at this cold time of year at the college...brrrrr!!!
zac_smits 路
i don't have vodka for you...but i've got about 30bottles of stella artois? (and it;s free if your in the uk hehe)
yeh 11inches is just a tad big lol.
wanking..nah not guilty..too much enjoyment to feel guilt.
zac
VolksFolks 路
Wonder what % of women admit to masterbation, as women are liers ( that dude SAM off the tele recons they are) hehe
vern74 路
EVERYONE touches themselves .........don't they ?
I would be lost without myself to play with
I suppose a women wouldn't need to cause us men are more then will to do that for them and be understanding and caring......................blah blah
zac_smits 路
sam...as in newman?? hehe i think..
i reckon they do but are just too embarrassed to admit it.
zac
VolksFolks 路
Fun Facts
Average Depth of a Vagina: between 3 to 6 inches.
Largest Vagina: the female blue whale with a normal length of 6 to 8 feet.
Largest Human Vagina: belonged to a woman who was 7'8" tall.
Smallest Vagina: 2 or 3 centimeters - surgery is required for correction.
Longest Clitoris: recorded at 4陆 inches long and 1陆 inches diameter.
Longest Labia Minora: some African tribes enlarge their labia to 7 inches in length.
Largest Buttocks: Hottentot tribe have buttocks that each can be two or three feet.
Largest Breasts: 44-pounds breasts measuring 33 inches in circumference.
Most Breasts: In 1886 a french woman was recorded with ten individual breasts.
Most Orgasms: 134 in one hour for a woman - 16 for a man.
Longest Recorded Orgasm: 43-seconds with 25 consecutive contractions.
Longest Recorded Pubic Hair: 28" (71.12 cm) long.
.
What Do Doctors Know!
According The Solitary Vice, a book for doctors that came out in the 1890s, women who masturbate tend to eat a lot of foods containing mustard and vinegar.
..
Bad Middle Ages!
Women were discouraged from having orgasms during the Middle Ages because it was thought that orgasms made women less capable of getting pregnant.
.
Inventors Corner!
The modern IUD invented was invented in 1909.
.
What About The Cucumber?
.According to the Hite Report, candles are the artificial device used more frequently by women when masturbating.
.
Depends On Who You Ask?
According to Kinsey Report (1953), 15 percent of the female population was capable of multiple orgasms.
.
It's A Fact!
The vagina and the eye are self-cleaning organs.
.
More Reasons To Own A Vibrator!
Having an orgasm relieves menstrual cramps because the vigorous
muscle action moves blood and other fluids away from congested organs.
.
Blame It On Ben!
"Scrump" is archaic slang for "the sexual act." Ben Franklin referred to prostitutes as "scrumpets."
.
G-e-e-e-!
The G-spot is named for Dr. Ernest Grafenberg.
.
Who Knew?
The modern psychiatric definition of nymphomaniac is a woman who cannot experience sexual satisfaction regardless of the number of orgasms or partners she has.
.
What's In A Name?
According to one source, there are about 1,000 recognized slang words for "vagina."
.
8 out of 10 Can't Be Wrong!
In a recent survey of women who use vibrators for sexual relief, 8 out 10
stated they do not insert the vibrator inside them, they use it on the outside
of the clitoris to achieve orgasm.
.
Not Tonight!
A female orgasm is a powerful painkiller (because of the release of endorphins), so headaches are in fact a bad excuse not to have sex.
.
Oh! Cleo!
It is ancient legend that Cleopatra of the Nile had 2 orgasms a day and manufactured her diaphragm our of cow dung.
zac_smits 路
umm, thanks andy :S
hahaha
there you go Jen!!
zac
vw54 路
I luve those facts on the women....
i think this thread will get LLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNGGGGERRRR taht a recorded man penis....
Yeah Jonh Holmes..... when he was up ... he suffered from memory loss due to NO blood flow in his brain.
and i think u will find the playing section
vern74 路
I didn't realise a vagina was so interesting !!!! And had so much written about it. I will print this and show my wife
I am sure she will be impressed as well
zac_smits 路
haha yes i'm sure she will..
will you give her candls for christmas now????
zac
vw54 路
G-e-e-e-!
The G-spot is named for Dr. Ernest Grafenberg
hey i like this one
so can anyone tell us what the good doctor did exactly its all a mystery
was he the only one who could find it ???
vern74 路
I will give her candles for her b'day (24th Dec) and some for chrissy as well
Thats how thoughtful I am
zac_smits 路
Most Orgasms: 134 in one hour for a woman
I think I might have to meet her :o:o
that's not a bad effort...i wonder if that was all by herself or male assisted??
zac
vern74 路
I am surprised that Cleopatra was soooo popular since she had a cow dung Diaphram !
Very stinky I would think
vern74 路
They would have ALL been cause by a male of course !
zac_smits 路
ahh yess of course...she was totally unassisted. (i wonder if the record was set together? if so, wouldn't it have to say..most orgasms by a woman (assisted by ...)????
zac
vern74 路
I wonder if they get these facts from a fone pole or from a stall at the local supermarket !!!! I bet the good Dr thought all his christmases had come at once when he was chosen to do the study !
zac_smits 路
haha.. imagine at the local supermarket...a little booth set up between the meat and the seafood section... 'prime real-estate'!!!
zac
neways, i'm off to bed now.
night
VolksFolks 路
vw54 wrote:G-e-e-e-!
The G-spot is named for Dr. Ernest Grafenberg
hey i like this one
so can anyone tell us what the good doctor did exactly its all a mystery
was he the only one who could find it ???
Not VW Related, Nah he is German - VW is german
Andy
VolksFolks 路
vern74 wrote:I wonder if they get these facts from a fone pole or from a stall at the local supermarket !!!! I bet the good Dr thought all his christmases had come at once when he was chosen to do the study !
Hey Vern, i heard a little prick called johnny howard was calling ppl a week before the elections, lol
zac_smits 路
ahh okay then.
so it's the 'g' spot..for germany?? or for 'god-damn if you hit this she'll be in your vw in a flash!!'
zac
stop posting i'm trying to go to bed!!!
jenz58 路
15 percent of the female population was capable of multiple orgasms.
I'd say 100% are capable just have to learn how...
In 1886 a french woman was recorded with ten individual breasts
That's scary....
Average Depth of a Vagina: between 3 to 6 inches
So we use a ruler?
Most Orgasms: 134 in one hour for a woman - 16 for a man
They were having fun!!
Largest Vagina: the female blue whale with a normal length of 6 to 8 feet
d whales have it....didn't the male have d biggest penis?
I do love acidic food...mmmmmm
The G-spot is named for Dr. Ernest Grafenberg
Well I thought g-forces...good on Dr Graf for identifying it for us 馃槑
According to one source, there are about 1,000 recognized slang words for "vagina."
Name a few n see if we have to censor the thread...
Only 2 out 10 of women truly enjoy themselves:duh
Headaches gone....ah!!!
Well that was fun...thanks for finding the stats...I got stuck on sites that wouldn't let me get out!! :jesus
jenz58 路
Night zac...have fun at d fair
vern74 路
You know these studies/reports and usually a crock of Sh&t. They have bugger all to do with the average family ! I am sure the tax dollar could be more wisely spent on the homeless youth or maybe something completly useless like cancer research !
jenz58 路
They are only a bit of fun and I'm sure not much money was spent...this sort of things would be compiled from other pieces of research done in all sorts of areas...
Marine Biology for d whales...some Medical Science and history...Psychology of Sexuality....
Honestly when you study or work in these areas you do have to laugh at times ... I was doing Social Research and Psychology n finding the right measures to test a hypothesis can be very difficult and complex...an example here would be what do you classify as an orgasm? 134 for the woman....I would say that the claim for this could be debunked very easily
So much is being done in the area of Cancer Research worldwide...homeless youth is another matter..unfortunately a lot of good research is misused by the powers that be and it can go against the people in need of help...and research can also be weighted to a bias
This was pure fun...a laugh
vern74 路
I agree these are fun and I wasn't on my soap box , if I did sound like I was I'm sorry
barls 路
my it must be a slow day indeed as this thread only had 3 replies before i went to bed
jenz58 路
Cool 馃檪
Honestly Dr's, nurses...ambo's etc have very wicked senses of humour to survive the things they deal with....which one was I? Goodness I won't repeat what I've heard over d operating table!!! :jesus :thumb
vern74 路
I have heard some really cool stuff from my sister in law who is a nurse.
Even to the abbreviations they use for some patients or the colour paper clip they use on the file.
I would just call them a name and tell them to piss off !
vern74 路
I am sure a thread with the words "read at your own peril" attract a lot more interest than one they doesn't state anything !
And of course "penis or vagina" really help to get people attention !
Worked for me
jenz58 路
lol.... I used to have guards at the entrance to my ward to call out when d matron was coming...n everyone who be sitting up straight in bed when she walked in n I'd be trying to straighten my myself up after having d place in a riot.... you've gotta make people laugh n be serious when it counts
Honestly the Word Read at Your Own Peril get me every time.....luv to test to see if the paint is still wet as well!!! :thumb
$2.63 homebrand baja 路
:sandrine teehee you guys said penis.. teehee..........馃槈
right,,, now no one pick on me for my smutposts..............馃槑 lol
hahahahaha
Same as "caution hot" signs I like to make sure its hot !
I think must be human nature to not trust those silly little signs that could have been put there by someone who is watching .....kinda like Candid Camera. Showing my age now
VolksFolks 路
sorta apt pic for the post, love it
VolksFolks 路
.do not delete as this is a natural wonder, is in the states, do a google search for it, cool
jenz58 路
Luved candid camera...my age is no secret...mind u I was very young at d time...... I think...way funnier than funniest home vid's...I love a lot of the funny stuff the Japenese TV do...just crazy stuff...masocists most of the time but are so happy to do it
lol....only in America
N why didn't I see day one when I was there....went to Monument Valley to see if I could spot Speedrunner and that gaint penis was probably right there in my face and I didn't notice it....buggar
Wonder if it's petrified wood? OK someone had to ask that one surely
$2 we have the same taste buds 馃槈馃榾
vern74 路
It has THREE nuts at the the base of it !
jenz58 路
lol .... it does...n the one in the middle is looking very cocky
sand kombi 路
Some funny signs
sand kombi 路
you choose
vern74 路
hahahaha
Now we are getting somewhere !
VolksFolks 路
.
vern74 路
Wood make me feel very ........in-adequate !
VolksFolks 路
well
[Edited on 16-10-2004 by VolksFolks]
vern74 路
They would be ok for POLE dancing I suppose
Still don't think I wood feel comfortable sleeping with those gigantic .......
vern74 路
The afternoon is just getting better
Fook-mi
VolksFolks 路
bad dog!!
baby_beetle 路
o quit a topic u have made here sand kombi
sand kombi 路
What's in a name
vern74 路
I have no reply
Nothing to say
And believe me that is very unusual
barls 路
slow day at work peter hows vern
vern74 路
Pathetically slow
I have a fella beside me telling to search for "Italian VW's"
Lama ? Any ideas ?
Vern is the picture of health now that I have had his fuel pump fixed ......it was pissing out for a while apparently
Hows things down your way Barlsie ?
barls 路
no idea on that one mate. its not too bad im back in my beloved workshop and they are thinking of giving me a promotion so all is good. chaos is a little further ahead from when you saw the pics. but his christmas deadline is slipping in to the early next year catagory due to rust repairs. but that can not be helped.
vern74 路
I have booked Vern in for an internal makeover next week
recovering/restuffing the front and rear seats
Putting in new hood lining .....felt looking stuff
And a bit of a touch up on the parcel rack
Just on 1200 bux
We are both very excited
It will be his first sleep over since he has been in the road !
vern74 路
promotion sounds good
More money ?
Less hours ?
Secretary ?????
barls 路
yes to the first, no to the rest, verns tidy up sounds good ill be doing the same with chaos but the upholster cannot do it before christmas which is another one for the lengthing of the dead line. ive got sport seats for the front a new set of trims being made, a similar head trim to what your putting in vern and dash pannels and gauges
vern74 路
Chaos will look sweet !
just waiting on the mechanic to get some bit that goes in behind the dash to fix fuel guage and then we are ready for the Dubs at the Pub in February !
Whoooo hoooooo
Brother in law lives in Buderim so I have a place to sleep
barls 路
yes hopefully he will. im picking up a set of pop outs for him next week and ill be going for another trip to visit him shortly so more pic.
jenz58 路
lol....great sushi sign
....vern just don't look at the wood ....look at the pics on the wood and you will forget everything else almost
vern74 路
ok jenz I will give it a go...... lol
Still think its a bit on the creepy side
Sort wondering that if the BIG penises turn me 0n and make me more fertile am I "turning GAY ??????????"
jenz58 路
lol....dat no good vern
Ask for another room...get outta there...tell them it's not your fanstasy and not doing it for you
vern74 路
I think Mrs Vern would probably like a squizz at them but there will be NO touching !!!!!!
or stroking
zac_smits 路
here's a photo o took in california....
hey... i thought it was funny at least!
zac
vern74 路
hehehehehe
I have one of those too
No piccies tho !
zac_smits 路
馃榾馃榾:bounce:bounce almost tiem for me to start work (4mins):cry:cry:cry
vern74 路
Don't do it
Call in sick
I still have 2 1/2 hours to go
Been a very long day
jenz58 路
zac have fun at d fair!! 馃檪
Mrs Vern might want a bed just like it if you let her touch it...tie her hands up .... only a suggestion 馃槑
Imagine the freight cost if you had to import the thing :jesus
vern74 路
hmmmmmm tieing up馃榾
What a novel idea 馃槑
Getting tied to a huge penis :blush
That would be something to tell her friends :blah
vern74 路
Its our 18th wedding aniversary next week so I might check out the importing costs involved in getting the fertility bed
Probably cheaper getting some enhancement done !!!!!!!
vw54 路
Hey Jen i bet this post gets BIGGER than yr Bel post... LOL
Hey tats a good doggie..... nice doggie..... god old reliable doggieeeee
Wolf wolf
so has any one found so good facts on the Dr G
jenz58 路
I wonder who is holding the camera....I'd say it's some with a vested interest in his toy...he looks very caught out 馃榾
Nope haven't even looked...I'm only glad to know I've got one....BUT it might be interesting to find out how he found out about it....research no less
Robo 路
I bet there's no way their gunna get it back!
Rob...馃槑
bertie_beetle 路
nice to see that on a psot with 'penis' in the title, the average intelect of those who reply plunges to that of a 12 year old. i shall be no exception - boobs hehe, balls hehe, weiner haahhaahahaha..............................well that was fun while it lasted.:bounce
zac_smits 路
hey what's wrong with being 12???
no work, no...lets not got there....
zac
vw54 路
page 2 already
ColumBUS 路
judgiung by jenz's continous postings on this topic...
i'd say shes hungry like the wolf! look out men of melbourne!
Daniel
jenz58 路
.....my goodness I had to get off of here before I found myself on the streets in a feeding frenzy :blush
I'm gunna be good today...
Is page 2 educational? :thumb
Am I like an open book or something? :o :P
[Edited on 17-10-2004 by jenz58]
Oasis 路
couldn't help myself.....
jenz58 路
They spelt cum wrong.... 馃榾
I've gotta stop looking on this thread.....I might embarrass myself :duh
vern74 路
i thought the spelling was a bit odd as well
Strange thing to invite strangers to do !
Must be very friendly people
jenz58 路
lol ......it is a very strange request....kinky ... but strange 馃榾
VolksFolks 路
.
vern74 路
Nope
Not hungry :puke
Oasis 路
just add vinegar...:thumb
vern74 路
Do you reckon that will help ?
Good for stinger bites !
jenz58 路
Vinegar's good.....but it's definitely more a woman thing... yum salt n vinegar...so addictive
vern74 路
Thats a very broad statement "Its more a women thing" open to all sorts of interpretation.:P
I really want to add more but am being good :cry
jenz58 路
I know we don't want to get the thread cut/censored... hmmmm...self censorship...
And I might loose my reputation of being a serious forum member...at the moment I'm living up to my title 馃槈馃槑
vern74 路
hehehehehehe
I am "supposed" to be doing a shipping schedule for the next 2 months exports and this bloody Penis keeps on taking my attention !:blush
I hope I get a reputation as well !
jenz58 路
lol .... sorry I'm speechless now... way too much information for my imagination to deal with... :thumb
Yes you will get a reputaion now if you didn't have one already.... 馃槈
vern74 路
ooops
yeah I just read what I typed previously
All I can say is .....well nothing really
Have already said more than enuf
I am sure you aren't embarrassed Jenz !
vern74 路
maybe I could say
Its more of a man thing really !
Sound familiar 馃榾
jenz58 路
*lol again with tears in d eyes*..... you can go back and edit but then it will make my reply look silly :jesus
vern74 路
Nope I wouldn't do that to ya
And besides its out there now ....not the penis
Just the comment
And I am just digging myself deeper and deeper::blah
vw54 路
Jen i dont think u should post any more comments on the thread
leave it to the 100% of men who say that they dont do things in private ... LOL :duh馃槑
vern74 路
Holy Sh*t
Aren't we supposed to admit to it ?
zac_smits 路
Posted by vern74
And I am just digging myself deeper and deeper:
I know! We'll dig our way out.*dig*Dig*dig*
No dig up Stupid!!
(sorry..i watch the simpsons a bit too much i think...)
zac
[Edited on 17-10-2004 by zac_smits]
sand kombi 路
Male Vs. Female Objects
In foreign languages, all objects are considered either masculine or feminine. Here's a look at which way some objects should go:
ZIPLOC BAGS - male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.
SWISS ARMY KNIFE - male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.
KIDNEYS - female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs. SHOE - male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.
COPIER - female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. Because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed. Because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.
TIRE - male, because it goes bald and often is over inflated.
HOT AIR BALLOON - male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it... and, of course, there's the hot air part.
SPONGES - female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.
WEB PAGE - female, because it is always getting hit on.
SUBWAY - male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
HOURGLASS - female, because over time the weight shifts to the bottom.
HAMMER - male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.
REMOTE CONTROL - female... Ha! You thought I'd say male. But consider, it gives man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.
sand kombi 路
Rules for bedroom golf
1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club and two balls.
2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out of the hole.
4. For most effective play, the club should be a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.
6. The object of this game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that the play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.
7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course, with special attention to well-formed bunkers.
8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played or are playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage players' equipment for this reason.
9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own protection.
10. Players should assure themselves that their match has been scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they consider to be a private course.
11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to find alternative means of play when this is the case.
12. The course owner is responsible for the manicuring and pruning of any bush around the hole to allow for improved viewing of, alignment with and approach to the hole.
13. Players are advised to obtain the course owner's permission before attempting to play the back nine.
14. Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to proceedat a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owner's request.
15. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.
16. The course owner will be the sole judge of who is the best player.
jenz58 路
Dave your no fun!!!:jesus
sand kombi 路
Rules for Women
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This is a list of rules that guys wished women knew...
(In response to the popular "A Woman's 50 Rules for Men")
1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
2. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
3. Don't make us guess.
4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
5. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
6. He's never thinking about "The Relationship."
7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.
8. Dogs are better than cats.
9. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
10. Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time.
11. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
12. You have enough clothes.
13. You have too many shoes.
14. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
15. Your brother is an idiot.
16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
17. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
18. Share the bathroom
19. Share the closet.
20. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
22. Nothing says 'I love you' like sex in the morning.
23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
24. Check your oil.
25. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
26. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
27. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
28. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
29. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
30. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
31. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
32. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
33. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
34. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not both.
35. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
36. Don't make 50 rules when 36 will do.
But we still love you all:kiss
sand kombi 路
Sorry I can't find the rules for men
If you have them post them, AND NO FAIRYTALE ONES:blah
sand kombi 路
The Advantages of Being a Man :jesus
1. Your last name stays put.
2. The garage is all yours.
3. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
4. Chocolate is just another snack.
5. You can be president.
6. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
8. The world is your urinal.
9. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
10. Same work, more pay.
11. Wrinkles add character.
12. Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.
13. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
14. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
15. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
16. One mood, ALL the damn time.
17. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
18. You know stuff about tanks.
19. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
20. You can open all your own jars.
21. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
22. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
23. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
24. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
25. Everything on your face stays its original color.
26. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
27. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
28. You almost never have strap problems in public.
29. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
30. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
31. You don't have to shave below your neck.
32. Your belly usually hides your big hips.
33. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color all seasons.
34. You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
35. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
36. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes.
zac_smits 路
hahaha love the bedroom golf ones
zac
Da Wiz 路
WTF ... I cannot be the only bloke who has gotten blue balls ... i think it is the most painful feeling in the world ...
someone tell me i am normal !!!!
zac_smits 路
did someone kick you there to make them blue??
zac
Da Wiz 路
dude they don't go blue ... they just feel like they are blue ... you know when a girl gets you excited then rubs up and down against you for way to long ... then does nothing and goes home ... you get blue balls ... ie. they hurt like sh!t...
Oasis 路
Da Wiz wrote:dude they don't go blue ... they just feel like they are blue ... you know when a girl gets you excited then rubs up and down against you for way to long ... then does nothing and goes home ... you get blue balls ... ie. they hurt like sh!t...
Could be bruising馃槑
zac_smits 路
i thought what i said was fairly obvious.
but yes i don know what you mean mate...they just tease us sometimes.
:P:P
zac
jenz58 路
tease u's....sorry....u just have to see a pair of tits and you need to...
Maybe we should all wear the veil so as not to tease..... 馃榾
Hey sometimes we need to go home and have a meal of mustard and vinegar before finding some thing constructive to do as well... :P
vw54 路
Jen tits dont come in pairs there a perfect matched SET....
yes ive had Blue Balls.... its a true condition
vern74 路
Blue Balls is a medical condition........its got to be
Every bloke in the world has had it
When I was younger I had CRONIC blue balls !
jenz58 路
...when I was a young nurse I saw d condition a lot :blush
vern74 路
You probably caused the condition......love nurses uniforms
vw54 路
Yes Jen u probally caused that condition at the hospital
LOL blue balls yes there is instant relief.
vern74 路
The relief can be administered several ways :blush
All have the desired effect :bounce
$2.63 homebrand baja 路
:o ooh boy, this post just keeps getting bigger...... all talk... but is growing... jenz... RUNNNNNN.... dey be gettin all cweepie in here.......... :duh
$2 philosophy: Life is much less complex when you add mustard and vinegar..... This thread is VULGAR.... 馃槈
You kooky old vw dub pervie men... bet you are all sitting at your pootas in your highcut sexy as stubbies shorts (with added coinslot lift)....and no undies......eeewwwwiieee :puke
jenz58 路
....ok think I've done enough damage to my squeaky clean reputation....maybe I should run while the goings good...but it has been fun being VULGAR
....oh no $2 u got me thinking of rythming words now!!
.....got my runners on now :thumb
...self censorship can be good...so glad no one came on to look....I think it's time to join the nunnery now
[Edited on 18-10-2004 by jenz58]
zac_smits 路
haha that's just another uniform jenz.....
i should be in here hahaha. no wait,,,,i'm allowed aren't i.
hahahah
zac
jenz58 路
It is another uniform....but gay men seem to like wearing it it :o
....hmmmm so why did I even consider d idea
N we all know what nuns get up to.....eek!!!! They have to stop using mustard n vinegar in d cooking at d nunnery.... 馃榾
Goodness I was not going to reply again zac.....and you drag the thread back up.....:duh
Why aren't you working!!! Yes you are allowed...but only just...:P
vern74 路
I am quite keen on the old French Maid uinform.......no I won't be wearing it !
zac_smits 路
haha jenz, it's only 8.30am..i have to get the key to the tractor shed before i can get outside.
zac
jenz58 路
....but why not??!!! Aren't your legs good enough? 馃榾
I've always fancied a French maid.....
Why didn't I just keep running while I could??? :blush
jenz58 路
lol zac....where did u come from and why d tractor shed???!!!! 馃榾
zac_smits 路
i'm still in the computer room jenz. i had breakfast a little while ago.
i need to get into the tractor shed so i can get the linemarking machine out.
i cna only get in there once the bursar shows up and he's usually late. so i'm just waiting for him.
zac
barls 路
just from reading this i think you both need to go to your rooms and think about what you have written :blush
vern74 路
i agree Barlsie
They are NUTS :jesus
There are only a few of us "normal" ones left
barls 路
yeah i dont know about you but im not 100% sure that we are the only normal ones :duh left mate
vern74 路
I haven't been called normal since I was at Kindy ! But at least we are amongst friends here.
I am killing time till home time 1/2 hour to go then 2 days off
barls 路
ok fair enough we did that like 3 hours ago so ill let you off this time :P
vern74 路
i was probably working then....hahahahahahahah
barls 路
so were we, watching the clock is working isnt it
jenz58 路
Barls u pretenting to be normal what a laugh!! 馃榾
Vern we're gunna miss u here....d thread will die now 4 sure...n I have to go to work tomorrow so zac is left on his own to play 馃槈馃榾
Maybe I can sneak on occasionally to maintain insanity? :rudolf
zac_smits 路
haha insanity will be maintained regardless i can assure you guys.
(at least amongst me anyway...)
actually, that was brought up against me on another forum...it's a good thing i'm the head moderator and he's only a member hahaha. flame away...
zac
KruizinKombi 路
Most interesting reading.... Jen, you never had a squeaky clean reputation, and you surely don't now!!! :P
barls 路
jenz58 wrote:Barls u pretenting to be normal what a laugh!! 馃榾
Vern we're gunna miss u here....d thread will die now 4 sure...n I have to go to work tomorrow so zac is left on his own to play 馃槈馃榾
Maybe I can sneak on occasionally to maintain insanity? :rudolf
i never claimed to be normal not by a long shot
zac_smits 路
why would you want to be normal anyway? i'm glad to be me and that's how i bloody want to stay!!
zac
barls 路
yes it is sooo much fun to be different
jenz58 路
My son said if I ever acted my age it would be very weird... :kiss
kol...where have you been.....on d moon or something to miss this conversation?
Damn I thought I had d image of a nun....musta been kidding myself :duh
I'm outa d closset now for sure!! :o
....my double made me do it...d bad jen
Any way who dragged the thread back from page 2? Wicked person....zac...so typical...you do love putting temptation in my path
barls 路
d bad jen? :duh is that like evil barls? he only comes out after a huge amount of alcohol and is extremely dangerous
vw54 路
Jen, you never had a squeaky clean reputation, and you surely don't now!!!
Kol u make me laugh.....
Now Jen remember the old Skyhooks song
Woman in Uniform .... Yes Nurse... I will do as you say n swallow my tablets....
Eastern surburbs hospital Sydney 10 Feb 1975 to 2nd July 1975 fa$%#$% k they use to hurt my bum when it was injection time... I was a PIN cushion.. for 4 weeks.
jenz58 路
We like to inflict pain on d boyz.... 馃榾
I had my boys well trained....hey long term hospital isn't fun after getting smashed up...gotta make it fun...hmmm why am I saying these things on here....it was all innocent...just a lot of pranks...trolley races....ice fights....music and singing...and me being ambushed a lot...n guards at then end of the corridor to warn of intruders...
zac_smits 路
jenz are you sure you were a nurse in a 'hospital'??? or was it a 'special' hospital for people like you?
maybe you just thought it was a hospital....
and temptation will always be around jenz...i'm like the devil...i just give people the chance to fulfill their desires....