There has been some recent discussion on Ricers, this article will tell you how to avoid being one.

http://www.nissanperformancemag.com/february04/rice/ 


:beer

mmm. dont agree with all of that article. home made mods to the body can be better then some of the off the shelf stuff going around (just look at the work of some of the dubbers on this forum). And making a car look very unique isnt the sign of a ricer, as all ricers look the same!

You Might Be A Ricer If…


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You have more exhaust decibels than your engine has horsepower.
You have aftermarket FRONT wheels for racing but stock rear wheels.
Your engine makes twice as much horsepower as torque.
17" rims up front, 13" out back on your FWD.
You ever painted your wheels to match the same color of your car.
You put your automatic car in neutral at every stoplight in order to roll it back and try to fool other people into thinking you have a manual transmission
DuPont gave up trying to figure out the shade you were asking for.
Your mod list includes stereo equipment, shifter handle, MOMO steering wheel, PIA driving lights, exhaust tip, but no REAL engine parts.
A chameleon lizard undergoes fewer shade changes than your custom paint scheme.
Your rims and tires are so large, that you have to install the tire / wheel from underneath the car because it simply won't fit in the wheel well going in from the side.
The dealer laughs when you bring your car back in for service under warranty, and you've only had it 6 months...
Your tires / rims stick out from the lip of your car by more than 1."
Your paint job is from the WRONG end of the color spectrum.
You installed spacers on your STOCK wheels and tires to get them to stick out past the fender.
You see cars like yours in a Shriner's Parade for Children and clowns are driving them.
You bring an empty Maxwell House coffee can with you to compare size when you shop for an aftermarket exhaust system.
Your Eclipse GS-T hardtop has a "SPYDER" emblem on the rear...
Your sum knowledge of suspension is: "the more negative camber, the better the handling."
You push your car through the staging lanes. That way, maybe you can break into the 16s by keeping the motor cool between runs.
You add a super tall rear wing, and a hundred pounds of aftermarket ground effects, neon and stereo yet you gut the interior and yank out the rear seat for weight savings.
Your rear wing AND your rear window have a third mount brake light...
The back lighting in the gauges in your A-pillar gauge pod work long before the actual gauges are hooked up.
You cut 4 coil springs and scrape the chassis on the ground. Sparks are cool when you corner at normal traffic speeds!
You have to find a way to drive AROUND speed bumps in a parking lot.
You install clear corner and brake lights.
You install colored bulbs in your aftermarket clear lenses.
You ever put neon on the bottom of your car, and then busted it on the first speed bump you went over.
You painted the UNDERBODY of your car to match
If your rear spoiler is taller then you are.
if you can fit fist fuck your exhaust tip
You have more stereo WATTS than engine TORQUE!
If your tailpipe extension is the most expensive mod you’ve done to your engine yet.
Your tailpipe extension fell off during a quarter mile race and you went three tenths of a second faster due to weight savings.
EVERY car in your class has a turbo pushing double digits worth of boost.
You spent $5,000 on the engine and you can not out run a stock Camaro, Firebird, or Mustang
You want the 'wastegate' sound, but don't want to install a turbocharger system.
You think Nitrous Oxide on your Hyundai Sonata puts you in the same performance league as the Chevy Corvette.
The automatic version of your car runs 2 seconds slower in the 1/4mile.
If the 1970 Plymouth Daytona Superbird has a smaller spoiler than your car does.
You think the Del Sol is a sports car...
A torque converter does NOTHING for your car.
You think a deep farty noise = the sound of high performance
If you think that horsepower is far more important than torque
If you have ever claimed that switching to a cone filter has given you more than 5 HP.
If you have ever considered installing more than one set of fog / driving lights.
If you claim that the aftermarket cold air intake system you just installed doubled your horsepower or took 2 or more seconds off of your E/T.
Your baseball cap is always on backwards when you drive (the first sign of mental retardation, wearing your clothes backwards... BE).
You spent all night on the Internet trying to find a company that makes a turbocharger system for your Hyundai...
If you removed your side view mirrors and put them at the TOP of the door / window frame.
If you think the Fugees are 'speed' music.
MOMO is 'absolutely required' to go fast.
Your four cylinder has a dual exhaust system installed.
Your four cylinder has four exhaust pipes ("Hey, one for each cylinder!")
The color of your interior upholstery hurts the cones and rods in other people's eyes.
If you cannot drive your car in snow as the ground effects create a plow effect.
If you have installed driving lights to compensate for headlight blackouts / tape.
If you think that 180 horsepower and 185 lb/ft of torque are impressive for a ‘mildly’ modified engine.
If you have stickers on your car for parts that you could not point out if asked where those parts are installed.
You think pushrods are a bad thing…
Your car has more decals than you do the quarter in seconds.
Every Honda you EVER owned, all the way back to your 1978 Accord was either a V-Tec or a TYPE-R.
You took your rear seat out and gutted your interior for weight savings but you installed 400 pounds of electronics, neon, DVD, Sony, etc.
If you gutted the interior to save weight on a car that you will never take to the track…
You lean your seat so far back when you are driving, that every time you hit a bump, its your back and not your butt that hurts.
You have hydraulics and sixteen switches on a car you claim runs low 10s on the street and corners better than a Porsche.
If you can estimate that your car makes more than 250 HP without ever running it at the track or getting a dyno reading.
You claim that you can get a titanium block for your engine.
If you have ever thought Hyundai and "performance" went hand in hand
If you've ever gone to a parts shop or speed warehouse and asked for a 1" to 6" exhaust adapter...
If you've ever contemplated adding "TYPE-R" stickers to your Sonata…
If you've removed more than 1/2 of the coils from your springs by cutting them yourself ...
If you have more neon lights on your car than a strip club...
You put Kanji on your Ford ZX2, Ford Probe, or Mercury Cougar ...
You own a "TYPE-R" Hyundai or Mazda.
You couldn't afford headlight masking, so you just painted them with flat black Krylon and it's peeling. Badly.
You claim that polishing your intake gave you 5hp.
You own a V-TEC Hyundai or Mazda (especially a V-TEC rotary engined Mazda RX-7)
You have neon INSIDE your car or in your ENGINE compartment
You ever claimed that high gas mileage made your car superior in performance to V8s.
If it takes you 8000rpm to reach 30mph from a dead stop at WOT.
You think yellow plastic interior trim makes your car cool
You spend $500 for a giant hand welded tube for a muffler with the weld marks extremely visible
If you paint your drum brakes to simulate Hi-po calipers
If you install fake hi-po caliper / disc simulators
You have a front wing.
If you lower your car and add ground effects but retain the stock 14inch wheels with disc style wheel covers
If you equate the sound of performance with the sound of a Weed Eater™
If you think bolting a fake muffler to one side to simulate dual exhaust is cool
If you think colored head lights work better
Clear tail lights and turn signals. They’re colored for a REASON!
If you take mom's 4 door Honda accord and do any kind of mod to it
You drive a Ford Escort station wagon with Kanji, wide tires, and Limp Bizkit stickers on the rear hatch
You claim you lost the race because you had a passenger in the car.
You claim how if you went from a roll you would have beat him.
You claim you lost because you missed a shift... and your car is an automatic.
You claim you lost because he must have been on the juice..
Flying past the person who is 10 car lengths in front of you after they have put on their brakes.. and claim a victory.
after losing you flip your opponent off... rev your motor and fail to break the wheels loose even around a corner.
Tell everyone about how you lost the cop because of your "driving skills."
you are a white kid driving an import.. wear baggy pants/hat turned around, walk with a fake limp and end every sentence with "yew know wha I'm sayin? Relate."
Your idea of aiming a handgun is raising your arm over your head, pointing the gun away from you, and then just letting your wrist fall to the side to where the gun is almost sideways ...
drive around in a $20,000 import with $10,000 in mods.. and still live with your parents.
You can relate to every line of the song "Pretty Fly For A White Guy" by the Offspring
you take offense when I say.. "your sister is like your car.. small, tight and hard to get into."
You are a skinny, backwards hat wearing, dog chain wallet, 2 ft wide pants leg, Limp Bizkit looking white boy fag with a badly applied peroxide hair color treatment and temporary rub-on tattoos!

--------------------------------------------------- The following submissions to the list are from Chris (GreenMitsuE1)------------

You've spent more on graphics and decals than you have in gas, for the whole year

You sound like you're going 90, but you're creeping past 25

You upgraded to the "big bore" 2 inch exhaust

You lose 2 mpg by installing a body kit

Your wing is so large that if you go faster than 65, your bumper drags

You think "displacement" is something that happens to homeless people

Yugo's give you a run for the money

You continuously run red lights because they are invisible thru your red window tint

15's are considered HUGE rims

You can reach back and defrost the rear window by hand

You will race anyone, anytime, and already know that you will lose

You think Moby is one of the greatest composers of our time

You spend all your money pimping it out because spending money to make it faster is a waste

Your little sister is the only one impressed with your car

When you win a race, you don't really win, it's just that the other guy felt soooo sorry for you

You think your mom's Corolla is fast

The cross section of your exhaust tip is bigger than the contact patch of your tires

Your aftermarket tach is bigger than your fist

You bought the big ass tach to try to scare off the fast cars

But all it does is let people know how hard you have to push it to exceed the legal speed limit

You rev on school busses

Hell, you rev on people in electric wheelchairs

You buy and install custom rims a pair at a time

YOU REALIZE THAT ALL OF THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND YOU STILL THINK YOU'RE COOL!!!

You've entered a 12 step program called "How to come to terms with your limitations"

The bill of your hat gets caught when you roll the window up

You really want to kick my ass right now

You cut 2" holes in your rear bumper and don't know what they're for

You cut 2" holes in your rear bumper and DO know what they're for

You go to the auto paint store and pick out the most retina burning color you can find

You buy race gas to drop you from 17.02 to 16.9 in the quarter, and then tell all your friends how fast you went

You add a second battery to power all the neon, and the mini disco ball

You add a wing on TOP of your car, 'cause wagons need down force too

You've ever painted bare, raw fiberglass black and said "Look! It's just like carbon fiber!"

You get pimped out props from the mini truck crowd

You still only get dates from high school girls

You actually own a pair of light up glasses from Checker Auto

When you install your super phat wing, you put the pointy ends up

You purchase and install a body kit, one piece at a time

You saw the "Rice Boy" magazine in the back of Sport Compact, and inquired about a subscription

Your brother is pissed cause you stole the muffler off his dirt bike (it was a direct fit!)

Your dad is worried cause you bought a car with less displacement than his lawnmower

______________________________________________

http://www.riceboypage.com/ 

try here also.

http://www.ricecop.com/ 

oh and here

who me? :thumb

I've just been to Autobarn and you can by Bonnet scoops for around $20 and stick them on. There made of plastic and bend like a Plastic Ice Cream lid.

This is all very funny but I think the world would be sooooooooo boring if we all 'had to' like V-Dubs...
Thanks,
AL

i agree, it would suck if everyone liked vw, parts would be alot harder to come by and we would have no-one to laugh at.

Put a bonnet scoop on the bonnet of any vintage VW - wonder how many people would figure it out. I've also seen self adhesive vents at Supercheap. Bwaaa haa haa, some people are so stupid.

http://www.riceboypage.com  I love the Ferrari with the turbo badge - some people are never happy

OK I just had to reply to this, through my girlfriend I am a member of a skyline site also(yes she has one,an r33, it went a comfortable 195hp @ the wheels today) and not once has anyone bagged a vw on their site, I just wish everyone would grow up and put all this "energy" into there cars (whatever the make or model) like previously said it would be a boring world if we all liked the same cars, enough said.......

Chill out Dude.... It's just a bit of Fun, unless your Car has a Fake Bonnet Scoop, Fake Massive Exhaust tip, Fake Blow off valve and a Massive Spoiler nobody is talking about you.
I myself like the real Jap Turbo Performance Cars, I also have a Turbo Toyota.

ok firstly alot of the stuff written there would apply to volkswagen drivers on this forum such as spending money on assessories and not on making it go faster. or having the front so low it scrapes if u hit a speed bump, big shiny wheels etc. im not dissing you guys but i like alot of ricers in fact i was going to buy a GSR Turbo Mitsubishi cordia but didnt as the gearbox needed serious work which i couldnt afford to do right then. other than that i would have bought it and got some nice shiny wheels for it and lowered it and added a new exhaust and 110 stock kilowatts at the front wheels isnt bad and this thing would dust a 253 bommadore easy . (note that i wouldnt just buy a huge cannon muffler and ad it to the stock exhaust thats silly). but what im trying to say is that ricers arent bad cars its usually just the dickheads that drive them and think they are great.

Nick

My daughter has a new boy...from the Western Suburbs...and he sounds like a ricer...

Bridie works for AAMI doing accident assessment...and is very up on all types of cars...and the lingo...

Apparently he was impressed when he asked her to pick which car was his from all of them in the car park....

She gave him a full rundown of the car she KNEW was his.......Make model...modifications...etc...Apparently she blew him away....

OK he may be a ricer...but Brid's is no fool....so I doubt if he's a dick head....

We have our share of ricer type VW's on the road

there is a difference between "Rising sun road Racers" and "Ricers"...well I think:duh

how about wheels that glow blue as if they have neons in them:duh
seen some tonight on the back of a early honda accord as had stockies on the front:puke

I really dislike the rice brigade, but I loved the articles.... check out a website called laughatrice.com for a cackle or two.

True what someone said about mods on dubs that dont assist performance. I draw the line as soon as it makes daily driving ludicrous. My car is 35mm down, and it is slightly more difficult to live with, but I am only running 50 profile tyres on 15x6.5" rims with the correct offset. Most ricers dont even know what offset is...

PS its not only the sports thing that gets to me... I saw a Boxster with ricey style stickers on the bottom of the doors....:cry I also saw an 80's B&S magna wagon, complete with spotties on a roof rack, alluminium skirts around the sills, and truck styl mudflaps accross the back of the car.... I laughed and laughed... at least he could drive it almost anywhere though...

I'm with robnjo,
there are some awesome japanese cars out there that go like the clappers and look tasteful,tough,sexy, and cool.
But then there is the kid with the stock excel with the BOOST, NITROS, MOMO stickers plastered up the side, oh and the high performance nismo shoulder pad on the seat belt.
I have a 17yr old neighbour with a cordia turbo and it looks great and he drives it extremely sensible, i mean i overtake him on the highway as he sticks to the 90kmh speed linit unlike the other 95% of red P platers.

What about :

You spend so much money making your car look fast that you cant afford petrol and run out on the gateway. (saw this on saturday)

RICERS deserve to have shit heaped upon them!

There is a difference between people who have skylines/crxs etc and the RICER WANKERS that use stick on performance.

A good example of why riceboys are stupid....

Tosser came to see Coopgirl's Charade yesterday.

First question, while standing next to car, with stock rims and caps... "Does it have alloys?"

Tosser then gets into passenger seat. "Does it have 4 speakers?" No it is all factory.

Looking at the engine (3 cylinder transverse). The aircleaner and carb is as big as the engine block... "Does it have EFI?"

Tosser's complete engine evaluation entailed wriggling the radiator cap and running his finger over the oil filler cap.

He went on to say to his dad... "It's a piece of shit carburettored engine". Telling him and his dad to f*ck off was the highlight of my day.

Oh yeah his t-shirt - obviously used to intimidate know nothing car sellers.. NISMO.

Nothing says riceboy wannabe quite like that.

I should have dropped an Evian water bottle in the engine bay and told it was the 100 shot nitrous system!

[Edited on 23-8-2004 by HotRodMatt]

mmmmm gti-r

mmmmm pocket rocket

Have a chat to the guy with the GTI-R who was at wakefield last time I was there... Sure he killed me on the straight, but come the end of the lap, I was angry in his mirrors.... I think his car had problems, maybe.... I was more surprised than he was... I just wish my Golf was supercharged and AWD like the Golf Rallye of 1989....

i just love the fact that there are umbrellas positioned in the body.
so when you open the door, you push in a button below the locking latch and an umbrella pops out.
now thats thinking

Fuuny shit matt i would have liked to have seen that guy inspect your car sounds like he new what he was on about ha ha ha