Chuck Norris

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two secondstill." After you ask, "Two seconds till what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him.

Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger; it is
actually a list of people that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked in the face that day.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every
second Wednesday of the month.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

Chuck Norris often asks people to pull his finger. When they do, he roundhouses them in the abdomen. Then he farts.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That'sno glitch."


Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won

Crop circles are Chuck's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f**k down

The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Chuck Norris punched himself inthe face.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for ChuckNorris.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Chuck Norris exisits only beacuse he kicked a man so hard that he flew back in time and fell in love with his mother.

Chuck Norris once raped the devil just to hear him scream



These all seemed funny at the time (4am), I will re-read them in the light of day and may have to delete my post.


:P:P


Jeremy

[ Edited on 3-2-2006 by jeremy ]

Very good Very GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD

Do not delete

Marc

man that just crazy, wheres david hassalhoff when you need him?

chuck vs. the hoff... that sounds like a great idea!!

lol, Chuck Norris would roundhouse kick Kit, then come after the Hoff!!!

chuck vs. vin diesel!