1. Eagles may soar high, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

2. Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.

3. There may be no 'I' in team, but there's a 'ME' if you look hard enough.

4. Process and Procedure are the last hiding place of people without the wit and wisdom to do their job properly.

5. Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and ability.

6. Never do today that which will become someone elses responsibility tomorrow.

7. Every time you open your mouth you have this wonderful ability to continually confirm what I think.

8. Show me a good loser and I'll show you a LOSER!

9. Put the key of despair into the lock of apathy. Turn the knob of mediocrity slowly and open the gates of despondency - welcome to a day in the average office.

10. It's the team that matters. Where would The Beatles be without Ringo? If John got Yoko to play drums the history of music would be completely different.

11. What does a squirrel do in the summer? It buries nuts. Why? Cos then in winter time he's got something to eat and he won't die. So, collecting nuts in the summer is worthwhile work. Every task you do at work think, would a squirrel do that? Think squirrels. Think nuts.

12. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"

13. Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue.

14. If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.

15. If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation.

16. Never do today that which will become someone elses responsibility tomorrow.

17. You don't have to be mad to work here! In fact we ask you to complete a medical questionnaire to ensure that you are not.

18. If you treat the people around you with love and respect, they will never guess that you're trying to get them sacked.

19. If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.

20. You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the back.

21. If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.

22. Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do.

23. There's no 'I' in 'team'. But then there's no 'I' in 'useless smug colleague', either. And there's four in 'platitude-quoting idiot'. Go figure.

24. Know your limitations and be content with them. Too much ambition results in promotion to a job you can't do.

25. Make good use of your cylindrical filing unit, the one you mainly keep under your desk.

26. Quitters never win, winners never quit. But those who never win and never quit are idiots.

27. If you're gonna be late, then be late and not just 2 minutes - make it an hour and enjoy your breakfast.

28. Remember the 3 golden rules: 1. It was like that when I got here. 2. I didn't do it. 3. (To your Boss) I like your style.

29. The office is like an army, and I'm the field general. You're my footsoldiers and customer quality is the WAR!!!

30. Set out to leave the first vapour trail in the blue-sky scenario.

31. Statistics are like a lamp-post to a drunken man - more for leaning on than illumination.

32. A problem shared is a problem halved, so is your problem really yours or just half of someone elses?

33. Is your work done? Are all pigs fed, watered and ready to fly?....

34. You don't have to be mad to work here, but you do have to be on time, well presented, a team player, customer service focused and sober!!

35. I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was just some b*stard with a torch, bringing me more work.

36. Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them.

Seen a few of them in action over the years.

Thats Brilliant, Especially the last one.

Hey you got that from Australia Posts Standard of Ethics.

Hey, they're good LOL

i got a good one about a team ( i said it to my coach the other day)

"theres no I in team, BUT there's a U in F*#KWIT"

he wasnt impressed

"To a small boy with a hammer, EVERYTHING looks like a nail".

Welcome back Secoh - Haven't seen you around in a while. Thought I saw you at the Nats.

My time in the military - I feel pretty wise knowing and seeing most of them in action.

Believe it or not - our teaching system seems a little better than our defence system. Just a personal observation.

Dude, you must not like doing things that will become other's responsibility, 'cause you put it in twice (6 & 16). Not that I have a problem with that.
Number 27's a classic, if you're gonna get grilled for being 2 minutes.......... make it worth your while!
Now I will leave you with a very truthful oriental proverb;
'Man who go to bed with itchy crack
Wake up with smelly fingure'



keep smilin'

Good stuff,
4, 12 & 33 are my favs. :thumb

Sorry but the Lone Ranger (12) reminded me

Here's a joke from a backpacker mag called 'British Balls'

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were out one day when Tonto go off his horse and put his ear to the ground. He turned to the Lone Ranger and said 'Buffalo come.'
That's cleaver said the Lone Ranger, 'How do you know?'
Tonto stands up and says, ' Because face sticky.'

Oops, sorry:jesus:o

Hey Bronze, what part of the military where you in??? :vader
I am quite suprised at the amount of veedubbers that are on the base that i'm on. Always good to see kombi's and beetle's rcoking onto a military base.

toybug was as well but has been out for 10 years or so. It remains very much part of your life from what I gather and he has many good friends from those days.

Have learnt about white painted rocks lining peoples driveways

Painting rocks is an old fave for alot of the older people in the ADF to hand done as punishments....but gone are the days.