| [ Total Views: 433 | Total Replies: 4 | Thread Id: 22614 ] |
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 5PL1TDCS10N
Insano Dub Head
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 posted on May 8th, 2004 at 11:38 AM |
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How DID you get home?
I'm sure everyone has had this experience a few times in their life!. It
may explain alot!!!
The Vodka Scooter...
How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night
drinking and thought, 'How on earth did I get home?' As hard as you try,
you cannot piece together your return journey from the pub to your
house.
The answer to this puzzle is that you used a 'Vodka Scooter.'
The Vodka Scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased to
the drunk by Bacchus, the Roman God of Wine. Bacchus has acquired a
large batch of these magical devices. The Vodka Scooter works in the
following fashion: The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness
and the "slurring gland" begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one
of his many sub-contractors detects this pheromone and sends down a
winged Vodka Scooter. The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits
them in their bedroom via a Trans-Dimensional Portal. This is not cheap
to run, so a large portion of the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as
payment.
This answers the second questions after a night out, 'How did I spend
so much money?'
Unfortunately, Vodka Scooters have a poor safety record and are thought
to be responsible for over 90% of all UDI (Unidentified Drinking
Injuries), such as bruised legs, poorly toes and a sore spot on the top
of your head. An undocumented feature of the Vodka Scooter is the
destruction of time segments during the trip. The nature of
Trans-Dimensional Portals dictates that time will be lost, seemingly
unaccounted for.
This answers a third question after a night out, 'What the hell
happened?'
With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT (Removal of
Embarrassing Moments In Time) add on, that automatically removes, in
descending order, those parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately one
person's REMIT is not necessarily the REMIT of another's and quite
often, lost time is regained in discussions over a period of time.
Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles often cause the
Scooter's navigation system to malfunction thus sending passengers to
the wrong bedroom, often with horrific consequences. For the young
ladies, Vodka Scooters come equipped with flowers picked from other
people's garden and Thump-A-Lot boots (Patent Pending). These boots are
designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you tip-toe up the
stairs, you are sure to wake up your downstairs neighbours. Special
anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into every wall in the house
and the CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the
bruised shins. The final add-on Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some
Scooters is the TAS (Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how one
person can apparently get through 260 stolen Marlboro Lights in a single
night, regardless of whether or not said person is a regular smoker or
not.
P.S. Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to comfortably
get home from the pub in sub-zero temperatures, wearing just a small
outfit outfit. Vodka scooters, wonders of modern technology...have you
ever had a ride on one??!!
*I cannot take the credit for this fine literature...author unknown unfortunatly but obviously a vodka supporter!
[Edited on 8-5-2004 by 5PL1TDCS10N]
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lil dub
Wolfsburg Wizard
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| posted on May 8th, 2004 at 02:33 PM |
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LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
yes yes....i have riden the vodka scooter many a time.....
i have a feeling that they are in especially high demand in Iceland (or at least they were when i was there) i especially love the Tobacco
Absorbsotion Device heheheheh.
nice one split! |
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BettyBoop
Wolfsburg Wizard
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| posted on May 8th, 2004 at 03:07 PM |
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thats definately worth emailing to mates! I LIKE :party
BUt i hate to say that i think you have waaaaayyyy tooo much time to think bout things like that.. you should b out workin on ur VW :P LOL!
hehehe
I havn't had the pleasure of riding one YET... tho im sure there will be a time that i shall get to experience the wonderful world of Vodka Scooters!
How DID you come up with the theory any way? a bunch of yas sitting round talkin? just a thought? would b interesting to know! :P
Ciao
Kat
CLASSIC!!!!!!:bounce ROFL!!!!!!!!:thumb:thumb
[Edited on 8-5-2004 by BettyBoop]
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BiX
Veteran Volks Folk
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| posted on May 8th, 2004 at 03:10 PM |
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LMAO, thats good, very good
I have no sympathy for my car, only the wallet that pays for it!
Go hard or go home!!!!
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Dannyboy
Veteran Volks Folk
half man , half horse
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| posted on May 9th, 2004 at 12:16 AM |
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But at what stage does the food enter the scene , where does it come from , the pizza , the kebab etc? Is it in the inboard heater waiting for you?
Dan
"If i had to explain you wouldnt understand"
The Lower Class
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pod
A.k.a.: paul mrvw061
Compulsive Aussie Vee Dubber
i`ve got to finish this thing one day
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| posted on May 9th, 2004 at 12:22 AM |
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so funeee, had a good laugh to this one
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lil dub
Wolfsburg Wizard
Type3 Stylist
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| posted on May 9th, 2004 at 03:23 PM |
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lmao...i'm still giggling about this one. and kat baby.....the vodka scooter ain't pretty.....so don't look foward to it!!!!! heheh.
i love the bit about unexplailned injuries.....heheh.....weird bruises and stuff ----- but what about the unexplained objects????
i often end up with unexplained objects in my house/handbag/frontyard.........hmmmm....very strange..
...all the usual suspects like other people cigarettes/lighters, witches hats and roadsigns......but once we had a new letterbox after a party.....and
i have had new household appliences and stuff appear at random as well......maybe the vodka scooter does some random shopping/shoplifting while its
waiting for you to finish peeing in the loos or something......just a thought. |
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