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 SKEWtYpe3
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 posted on August 12th, 2003 at 03:00 PM |
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(just funny)Metaphors Found in NSW Year 12 English essays
dMetaphors Found in NSW Year 12 English essays
1. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those
boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of
those boxes with a pinhole in it.
2. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature prime English beef.
3. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
4. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
5. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
6. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a
formerly surcharge-free ATM.
7. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
8. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
9. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and
"Sex in the City" comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
10. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
11. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot oil.
12. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
13. Even in his last years, Grandad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
14. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
15. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
16. "Oh, Jason, take me!"; she panted, her breasts heaving like a Uni student on $1-a-beer night.
17. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or
something.
18. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
19. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
20. She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword
21. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
22. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
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type3kid
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| posted on August 12th, 2003 at 03:19 PM |
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good to see school is still as crazy as when i was there....not that it was that long ago
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Seriously_Individual
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| posted on August 12th, 2003 at 08:20 PM |
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Whats a metaphore??? :P
how come we didnt metaphore activities like that one!!!?
©ya L8®
©h®i§
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 Peter Leonard
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 posted on August 12th, 2003 at 08:22 PM |
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wish i wuz back in yr twelve
hahahahahahhahhahha
i read those like a parched humourless man who drinks funny tasting water 
let sleeping dubs lie
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zac_smits
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| posted on August 12th, 2003 at 09:47 PM |
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i've got them in an email sent to me 2 yrs ago, on my study wall, saying they came from the english GCSE exams. still very funny though.
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jenz58
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| posted on August 12th, 2003 at 10:42 PM |
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From some World Wide Writing website:puke
Metaphors unintentionally funny
The use of metaphors generally improves the text appeal. However, the metaphor here is odd and therefore unintentionally funny. This often happens
when the expression in the metaphor is taken literally, as is the case in the following sentences:
The blunt knife got stuck in his throat.
When she turned the switch she saw the light.
Before finally leaving us, stop a moment to think about our organisation.
Advice
If you use a metaphor that leaves no room for a literal interpretation, the effect on your text will improve. You may even decide not to use a
metaphor here. Not using a metaphor is always better than causing unintended laughter.
Well, to use a metaphor or not, don't want unintentional laughter:jesus |
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Da Wiz
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| posted on August 12th, 2003 at 11:02 PM |
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... yeah thanks teach'
:kiss
¯`·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸¸.-> Keepin' it Real !!
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jenz58
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| posted on August 12th, 2003 at 11:07 PM |
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Stolen from another website as plagarists like me do:P
Bad Suspense Novel Metaphors or Similes
Friday, February 4, 2000
* The situation had become topsy-turvy -- like Christmas in the summer, if you're in Australia.
* The information embedded on the stolen computer chip was like an explosive so explosive it could explode, creating a massive explosion.
* The killer was a misplaced comma in the jaunty, happy sentence that made up the party crowd.
* His face looked like an ice sculpture. Not one of those pretty ones in the middle of a cruise ship buffet, but the kind they do in a contest with a
chainsaw -- and it had been out in the heat too long.
* Like any family, this house had its secrets, secrets it grimly refused to reveal, and would continue to refuse to reveal even if it could speak,
which unlike a family, or at least most members of most families, it couldn't.
* From his vantage point in the balcony, the would-be assassin looked down on the debating candidates like a webhead looking down on an AOL user.
* The sudden darkness made the Countess tense, like Bobby Jerome that time with the bicycle in 7th grade, remember?
* There was something funny about the kidnapping crime scene that Special Agent Frievald couldn't quite place, and the thought stuck with him
throughout the rest of the day, like those tiny little bits of the circumferent skin from the bologna slices on a foot-long Subway Cold Cut Trio that
get stuck in between the last two molars on the upper left, on the tongue side where you can't possibly reach them with a toothpick, your
fingernails, or even a systematically straightened paper clip, they just sit there and make everything you eat at your next meal taste vaguely like
vinegar and mayonnaise, and then somehow -- quietly but miraculously -- they disappear by themselves in the middle of the night while you're
asleep, just like the visiting Countess appeared to have done.
* Her parting words lingered heavily inside me like last night's Taco Bell.
* A single drop of sweat slowly inched down Chad's brow -- a tiny, glistening Times Square New Year's Eve Ball of desperation.
* Her blazing eyes danced like Astaire and Rogers, but since they were crossed, it was an ocular tango, and my eyes had to foxtrot just to maintain
eye contact.
* She had a voice so husky it could have pulled a dogsled, and the gun she was holding gave me a bad case of barrel envy.
* The neon sign reflected off his gun, like the moonlight reflects off my brother-in-law's bald head after a night of beer drinking and
cow-tipping.
Received from The Top 5 List via PackyHumor. |
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 helbus
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| posted on August 12th, 2003 at 11:11 PM |
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Oh Yeah. If only I could go back to school knowing what I know now.
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Spook
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| posted on August 13th, 2003 at 06:53 AM |
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I'm just wondering why one would compress their face with a thigh master..
Didn't understand school when I was there, don't really look like things have changed....
Well my friends are gone & my hair is grey, I ache in the places where I used to play.
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jenz58
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| posted on August 13th, 2003 at 09:39 AM |
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Yep, my language is usually very basic.
'Yep', 'Nope', 'Maybe', 'Hmmm', and 'Mmmmmmm'
Having to create a metaphor would drive me insane, like a dog who can smell a bitch on heat and has the great wall of China running between them |
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cray
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| posted on August 13th, 2003 at 10:39 AM |
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most of those in the first post are actually similes, but i'll let it slide this time :o
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jenz58
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| posted on August 13th, 2003 at 06:48 PM |
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It's all too confusing:alien |
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ducky
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| posted on August 14th, 2003 at 12:02 PM |
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arent they semephores |
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Adam_C
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| posted on August 14th, 2003 at 07:47 PM |
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The ones that say it is LIKE something are similies
"her eyes were like diamonds"
the ones that say they are something are metaphor
"her eyes were diamonds"
[Edited on 14-8-2003 by Adam_C]
Adam
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jenz58
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| posted on August 14th, 2003 at 08:05 PM |
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'Pissed as a newt', is a metaphor?
'Sparkled like a diamond' is a similie?
:jesus
Glad I'm not at school:party |
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Adam_C
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| posted on August 14th, 2003 at 08:56 PM |
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think thats it . . . . i allways get em mixed up tho :P
try writing an 500word article using 4peices of material using the heading "the truth is out there - or is it?" and having to relate it to
perceptions of truth then writing a 5 minute speech . . . . all while your teacher is away and cant explain it haha damn whiplash!
enough complaining though hehe damn advanced english! (its due monday . . . i start it tonight haha!)
cheers
adz
[Edited on 14-8-2003 by Adam_C]
Adam
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jenz58
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| posted on August 14th, 2003 at 09:35 PM |
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So, sounds like you are tackling that English assignment now:o
Good luck:thumb
If anyone finds the truth tell me
It's an age old debate. People think they've found it then someone else says 'Nope no way':jesus
The search continues:party
Hey, it's like trying to find a needle in a hay stack, or as clear as mud, what ever:P |
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zac_smits
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| posted on August 14th, 2003 at 09:53 PM |
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geez. u can tell us aussies can speak english. why be english when u can be australia though? isn't that right shazza? chuck another shrimp on
the barbie and fetch us a coldie will ya:beer:beer
and where did u put me winnies?
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jenz58
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| posted on August 14th, 2003 at 10:44 PM |
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Too f!!kin right mate:thumb:beer
Hey
He ran around like a f!!kin chook without a f!!kin bloody head
:beer
Geez Zac you're a bad influence |
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Spook
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| posted on August 14th, 2003 at 11:01 PM |
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If you can't answer with a nod or a grunt, the question was too hard anyway....
Well my friends are gone & my hair is grey, I ache in the places where I used to play.
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jenz58
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| posted on August 15th, 2003 at 12:06 AM |
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Grunt |
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