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posted on October 13th, 2004 at 01:36 AM
Hey Canni, LMFAO...:thumb:thumb
"Tell him 'We've already got one'"
Oasis
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posted on October 13th, 2004 at 03:56 PM
Subject: Can the English Language Survive George W Bush?
G.W. Bush QUOTES:
>"The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country."
>- George W. Bush
>
>"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
>- George W. Bush
>
>"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that
>one
>word is 'to be prepared'."
>- George W. Bush
>
>"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in
>the
>future."
>-George W. Bush
>
>"The future will be better tomorrow."
> George W. Bush
>
> "We're going to have the best educated American people in the world."
>- George W. Bush
>
>"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."
>- George W. Bush
>
>We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm
>commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe."
>George W. Bush
>
>
>"Public speaking is very easy."
>George W. Bush
>
>
>"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the
>polls."
> George W. Bush
>
>We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
>
>- George W. Bush
>
>
>"For NASA, space is still a high priority."
>
>- George W. Bush
>
>"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our
>children."
>- George W. Bush
>
>"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities
>in
>our air and water that are doing it."
>-George W. Bush
>
>"It's time for the human race to enter the solar system."
>- George W. Bush
"Tell him 'We've already got one'"
zac_smits
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posted on October 13th, 2004 at 04:29 PM
rofl to the last one....:P
zac
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zac_smits
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posted on October 14th, 2004 at 07:14 AM
presenting the homer simpson beer song...
enjoy!
zac
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robnjo
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posted on October 14th, 2004 at 07:27 AM
this one somebody sent a while back,not realy funny but the kids love it... http://www.maylin.net/Fireworks.html
..........make sure you crank it,oh and there is a 2nd page too
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posted on October 14th, 2004 at 07:32 AM
and this pic...only in asia
Error
Sorry, you must be a registered user in order to download attachments.
zac_smits
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posted on October 14th, 2004 at 04:31 PM
yeh i seen that last one before....
those guys must be nuts....
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kombikim
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posted on October 15th, 2004 at 08:59 AM
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary "tools" together, she made
for the nearest frozen lake.
After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice.
Suddenly---from the sky---a voice boomed,
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again, from the heavens, the voice
bellowed,
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
The Blonde, now quite worried, moved way down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once
more.
" THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "Is that you, God?"
The voice replied,
"No, this is the manager of the Ice Rink."
Please, I need drivers side window regulator (winder mechanism) for my '54
Oasis
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posted on October 16th, 2004 at 10:51 PM
----------------------------------------------
Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
--------------------------------------------
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
----------------------------
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
-----------------------
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
------------------------
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
-----------------------
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
--------------------------
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
-------------------------
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
--------------------------------
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
-------------------------------
Definition of a will: A dead give away.
------------------------
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
-------------------------------
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
----------------------------------
She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
----------------------------------
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
-------------------------------
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
------------------------------
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
------------------------------
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
---------------------------------------------
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
-----------------------
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
----------------------------------
Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
----------------------------
Every calendar's days are numbered.
------------------------
A lot of money is tainted - it taint yours and it taint mine.
------------------------------
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
------------------------------------------------
A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
-----------------------------------------------
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
-------------------------------------------
Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
-------------------------------
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
----------------------------
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
--------------------------
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
"Tell him 'We've already got one'"
Oasis
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posted on October 16th, 2004 at 11:38 PM
MORE BUSHISMS:
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives. - John Stuart Mill.
"A RESULTS-ORIENTED ADMINISTRATION… WILL MAKE AMERICA WHAT WE WANT IT TO BE-A LITERATE COUNTRY AND A HOPEFULLER COUNTRY."-WASHINGTON, D.C., JAN.
11, 2001
"I WOULD HAVE TO ASK THE QUESTIONER. I HAVEN'T HAD A CHANCE TO ASK THE QUESTIONERS THE QUESTION THEY'VE BEEN QUESTIONING. AUSTIN, TEXAS, JAN. 8,
2001
"I DO REMAIN CONFIDENT IN LINDA. SHE'LL MAKE A FINE LABOR SECRETARY. FROM WHAT I'VE READ IN THE PRESS ACCOUNTS, SHE'S PERFECTLY
QUALIFIED."-AUSTIN, TEXAS, JAN. 8, 2001
"SHE IS A MEMBER OF A LABOR UNION AT ONE POINT."
ANNOUNCING HIS NOMINATION OF LINDA CHAVEZ AS SECRETARY OF LABOR. AUSTIN, TEXAS, JAN. 2, 2001
"NATURAL GAS IS HEMISPHERIC. I LIKE TO CALL IT HEMISPHERIC IN NATURE BECAUSE IT IS A PRODUCT THAT WE CAN FIND IN OUR NEIGHBORHOODS."
AUSTIN, TEXAS, DEC. 20, 2000
"I AM MINDFUL OF THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE EXECUTIVE BRANCH AND THE LEGISLATIVE BRANCH. I ASSURED ALL FOUR OF THESE LEADERS THAT I KNOW THE
DIFFERENCE, AND THAT DIFFERENCE IS THEY PASS THE LAWS AND I EXECUTE THEM." WASHINGTON, D.C., DEC. 18, 2000
"THE GREAT THING ABOUT AMERICA IS EVERYBODY SHOULD VOTE."
AUSTIN, TEXAS, DEC. 8, 2000
"I KNEW IT MIGHT PUT HIM IN AN AWKWARD POSITION THAT WE HAD A DISCUSSION BEFORE FINALITY HAS FINALLY HAPPENED IN THIS PRESIDENTIAL RACE."
DESCRIBING A PHONE CALL TO SEN. JOHN BREAUX. CRAWFORD, TEXAS, DEC. 2, 2000
"THE LEGISLATURE'S JOB IS TO WRITE LAW. IT'S THE EXECUTIVE BRANCH'S JOB TO INTERPRET LAW."
AUSTIN, TEXAS, NOV. 22, 2000
"THEY WANT THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT CONTROLLING SOCIAL SECURITY LIKE IT'S SOME KIND OF FEDERAL PROGRAM."
ST. CHARLES, MO., NOV. 2, 2000
"STATES SHOULD HAVE THE RIGHT TO ENACT REASONABLE LAWS AND RESTRICTIONS PARTICULARLY TO END THE INHUMANE PRACTICE OF ENDING A LIFE THAT OTHERWISE
COULD LIVE."
-CLEVELAND, JUNE 29, 2000
"UNFAIRLY BUT TRUTHFULLY, OUR PARTY HAS BEEN TAGGED AS BEING AGAINST THINGS... ANTI-IMMIGRANT, FOR EXAMPLE. AND WE'RE NOT A PARTY OF
ANTI-IMMIGRANTS. QUITE THE OPPOSITE. WE'RE A PARTY THAT WELCOMES PEOPLE."
-CAMPAIGNING IN CLEVELAND, JULY 1, 2000
" I DO NOT BELIEVE WE'VE PUT A GUILTY... I MEAN INNOCENT PERSON TO DEATH IN THE STATE OF TEXAS."
-ALL THINGS CONSIDERED, NPR, JUNE 16, 2000
"I'M GONNA TALK ABOUT THE IDEAL WORLD, CHRIS. I'VE READ- I UNDERSTAND REALITY. IF YOU'RE ASKING ME AS THE PRESIDENT, WOULD I UNDERSTAND REALITY, I
DO."
-ON ABORTION, HARDBALL, MSNBC; MAY 31, 2000
"THERE'S NOT GOING TO BE ENOUGH PEOPLE IN THE SYSTEM TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF PEOPLE LIKE ME."
-ON THE COMING SOCIAL SECURITY CRISIS; WILTON, CONN.; JUNE 9, 2000
BUSH: "FIRST OF ALL, CINCO DE MAYO IS NOT THE INDEPENDENCE DAY. THAT'S DIECISEIS DE SEPTIEMBRE, AND ..." MATTHEWS: "WHAT'S THAT IN ENGLISH?"
BUSH: "FIFTEENTH OF SEPTEMBER." (DIECISEIS DE SEPTIEMBRE = SEPT. 16)
-HARDBALL, MSNBC, MAY 31, 2000
"ACTUALLY, I...THIS MAY SOUND A LITTLE WEST TEXAN TO YOU, BUT I LIKE IT. WHEN I'M TALKING ABOUT...WHEN I'M TALKING ABOUT MYSELF, AND WHEN HE'S
TALKING ABOUT MYSELF, ALL OF US ARE TALKING ABOUT ME."
--HARDBALL, MSNBC, MAY 31, 2000
"HE HAS CERTAINLY EARNED A REPUTATION AS A FANTASTIC MAYOR, BECAUSE THE RESULTS SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES. I MEAN, NEW YORK'S A SAFER PLACE FOR HIM TO
BE."
-ON RUDY GIULIANI, THE EDGE WITH PAULA ZAHN, MAY 18, 2000
"THE FACT THAT HE RELIES ON FACTS...SAYS THINGS THAT ARE NOT FACTUAL...ARE GOING TO UNDERMINE HIS CAMPAIGN."
-NEW YORK TIMES, MARCH 4, 2000
"I THINK WE AGREE, THE PAST IS OVER."
-ON HIS MEETING WITH JOHN MCCAIN, DALLAS MORNING NEWS, MAY 10, 2000
"IT'S CLEARLY A BUDGET. IT'S GOT A LOT OF NUMBERS IN IT."
-REUTERS, MAY 5, 2000
GOV. BUSH: " I TALKED TO MY LITTLE BROTHER, JEB...I HAVEN'T TOLD THIS TO MANY PEOPLE. BUT HE'S THE GOVERNOR OF...I SHOULDN'T CALL HIM MY LITTLE
BROTHER...MY BROTHER, JEB, THE GREAT GOVERNOR OF TEXAS." JIM LEHRER: "FLORIDA." GOV. BUSH: "FLORIDA. THE STATE OF THE FLORIDA."
-THE NEWSHOUR WITH JIM LEHRER, APRIL 27, 2000
"I WAS RAISED IN THE WEST. THE WEST OF TEXAS. IT'S PRETTY CLOSE TO CALIFORNIA. IN MORE WAYS THAN WASHINGTON, D.C., IS CLOSE TO CALIFORNIA."
-IN LOS ANGELES AS QUOTED BY THE LOS ANGELES TIMES, APRIL 8, 2000
"OTHER REPUBLICAN CANDIDATES MAY RETORT TO PERSONAL ATTACKS AND NEGATIVE ADS."
-FUND-RAISING LETTER FROM GEORGE W. BUSH, QUOTED IN THE WASHINGTON POST, MARCH 24, 2000
"PEOPLE MAKE SUGGESTIONS ON WHAT TO SAY ALL THE TIME. I'LL GIVE YOU AN EXAMPLE; I DON'T READ WHAT'S HANDED TO ME. PEOPLE SAY, 'HERE, HERE'S YOUR
SPEECH, OR HERE'S AN IDEA FOR A SPEECH.' THEY'RE CHANGED. TRUST ME."
-INTERVIEW WITH THE NEW YORK TIMES, MARCH 15, 2000
"IT'S EVOLUTIONARY, GOING FROM GOVERNOR TO PRESIDENT, AND THIS IS A SIGNIFICANT STEP, TO BE ABLE TO VOTE FOR YOURSELF ON THE BALLOT, AND I'LL BE
ABLE TO DO SO NEXT FALL, I HOPE."
-INTERVIEW WITH THE ASSOCIATED PRESS, MARCH 8, 2000
"IT IS NOT REAGANESQUE TO SUPPORT A TAX PLAN THAT IS CLINTON IN NATURE."
-LOS ANGELES, FEB. 23, 2000
"I UNDERSTAND SMALL BUSINESS GROWTH. I WAS ONE."
-NEW YORK DAILY NEWS, FEB. 19, 2000
"THE SENATOR HAS GOT TO UNDERSTAND IF HE'S GOING TO HAVE...HE CAN'T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS. HE CAN'T TAKE THE HIGH HORSE AND THEN CLAIM THE LOW
ROAD."
-TO REPORTERS IN FLORENCE, S.C., FEB. 17, 2000
"IF YOU'RE SICK AND TIRED OF THE POLITICS OF CYNICISM AND POLLS AND PRINCIPLES, COME AND JOIN THIS CAMPAIGN."
-HILTON HEAD, S.C., FEB. 16, 2000
"HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU DON'T MEASURE IF YOU HAVE A SYSTEM THAT SIMPLY SUCKLES KIDS THROUGH?"
-EXPLAINING THE NEED FOR EDUCATIONAL ACCOUNTABILITY IN BEAUFORT, S.C., FEB. 16, 2000
"WE OUGHT TO MAKE THE PIE HIGHER."
-SOUTH CAROLINA REPUBLICAN DEBATE, FEB. 15, 2000
"I'VE CHANGED MY STYLE SOMEWHAT, AS YOU KNOW. I'M LESS...I PONTIFICATE LESS, ALTHOUGH IT MAY BE HARD TO TELL IT FROM THIS SHOW. AND I'M MORE
INTERACTING WITH PEOPLE."
-SOUTH CAROLINA REPUBLICAN DEBATE, FEB. 15, 2000
"I THINK WE NEED NOT ONLY TO ELIMINATE THE TOLLBOOTH TO THE MIDDLE CLASS, I THINK WE SHOULD KNOCK DOWN THE TOLLBOOTH."
-NASHUA, N.H., AS QUOTED IN THE NEW YORK TIMES, FEB. 1, 2000
"THE MOST IMPORTANT JOB IS NOT TO BE GOVERNOR, OR FIRST LADY IN MY CASE."
-PELLA, IOWA, AS QUOTED BY THE SAN ANTONIO EXPRESS-NEWS, JAN. 30, 2000
"WILL THE HIGHWAYS ON THE INTERNET BECOME MORE FEW?"
-CONCORD, N.H., JAN. 29, 2000
"THIS IS PRESERVATION MONTH. I APPRECIATE PRESERVATION. IT'S WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU RUN FOR PRESIDENT. YOU GOTTA PRESERVE."
-SPEAKING DURING "PERSEVERENCE MONTH" AT FAIRGROUNDS ELEMENTARY SCHOOL IN NASHUA, N.H. AS QUOTED IN THE LOS ANGELES TIMES, JAN. 28, 2000
"I KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR YOU TO PUT FOOD ON YOUR FAMILY."
-GREATER NASHUA, N.H., CHAMBER OF COMMERCE, JAN. 27, 2000
"WHAT I AM AGAINST IS QUOTAS. I AM AGAINST HARD QUOTAS, QUOTAS THEY BASICALLY DELINEATE BASED UPON WHATEVER. HOWEVER THEY DELINEATE, QUOTAS, I THINK
VULCANIZE SOCIETY. SO I DON'T KNOW HOW THAT FITS INTO WHAT EVERYBODY
ELSE IS SAYING, THEIR RELATIVE POSITIONS, BUT THAT'S MY POSITION."
-THE SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE, JAN. 21, 2000
"WHEN I WAS COMING UP, IT WAS A DANGEROUS WORLD, AND YOU KNEW EXACTLY WHO THEY WERE. IT WAS US VS. THEM, AND IT WAS CLEAR WHO THEM WAS. TODAY, WE ARE
NOT SO SURE WHO THE THEY ARE, BUT WE KNOW THEY'RE THERE."
-IOWA WESTERN COMMUNITY COLLEGE, JAN 21, 2000
"THE ADMINISTRATION I'LL BRING IS A GROUP OF MEN AND WOMEN WHO ARE FOCUSED ON WHAT'S BEST FOR AMERICA, HONEST MEN AND WOMEN, DECENT MEN AND WOMEN,
WOMEN WHO WILL SEE SERVICE TO OUR COUNTRY AS A GREAT PRIVILEGE AND WHO WILL
NOT STAIN THE HOUSE."
-DES MOINES REGISTER DEBATE, IOWA, JAN. 15, 2000
"THIS IS STILL A DANGEROUS WORLD. IT'S A WORLD OF MADMEN AND UNCERTAINTY AND POTENTIAL MENTAL LOSSES."
-AT A SOUTH CAROLINA OYSTER ROAST, AS QUOTED IN THE FINANCIAL TIMES, JAN. 14, 2000
"WE MUST ALL HEAR THE UNIVERSAL CALL TO LIKE YOUR NEIGHBOR JUST LIKE YOU LIKE TO BE LIKED YOURSELF."
"RARELY IS THE QUESTION ASKED: IS OUR CHILDREN LEARNING?"
-FLORENCE, S.C., JAN. 11, 2000
"GOV. BUSH WILL NOT STAND FOR THE SUBSIDATION OF FAILURE."
-FLORENCE, S.C., JAN. 11, 2000
"THE IMPORTANT QUESTION IS, HOW MANY HANDS HAVE I SHAKED?"
IN THE NEW YORK TIMES, OCT. 23, 1999
"I DON'T REMEMBER DEBATES. I DON'T THINK WE SPENT A LOT OF TIME DEBATING IT.. MAYBE WE DID, BUT I DON'T REMEMBER."
-ON DISCUSSIONS OF THE VIETNAM WAR WHEN HE WAS AN UNDERGRADUATE AT YALE, WASHINGTON POST, JULY 27, 1999
"IT WAS JUST INEBRIATING WHAT MIDLAND WAS ALL ABOUT THEN."
-FROM A 1994 INTERVIEW, AS QUOTED IN FIRST SON BY BILL MINUTAGLIO
"I THINK ANYBODY WHO DOESN'T THINK I'M SMART ENOUGH TO HANDLE THE JOB IS UNDERESTIMATING."
-U.S. NEWS & WORLD REPORT, APRIL 3, 2000
"ANYWAY, I'M SO THANKFUL, AND SO GRACIOUS - I'M GRACIOUS THAT MY BROTHER JEB IS CONCERNED ABOUT THE HEMISPHERE AS WELL." JUNE 4, 2001
"SO ON BEHALF OF A WELL-OILED UNIT OF PEOPLE WHO CAME TOGETHER TO SERVE SOMETHING GREATER THAN THEMSELVES, CONGRATULATIONS." IN REMARKS TO THE
UNIVERSITY OF NEBRASKA WOMEN'S VOLLEYBALL TEAM, THE 2001 NATIONAL CHAMPIONS, MAY 31, 2001
"FOR EVERY FATAL SHOOTING, THERE WERE ROUGHLY THREE NON-FATAL SHOOTINGS. AND, FOLKS, THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE IN AMERICA. IT'S JUST UNACCEPTABLE. AND
WE'RE GOING TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT." -MAY 14
"THERE'S NO QUESTION THAT THE MINUTE I GOT ELECTED, THE STORM CLOUDS ON THE HORIZON WERE GETTING NEARLY DIRECTLY OVERHEAD." - MAY 11, 2001
"BUT I ALSO MADE IT CLEAR TO (VLADIMIR PUTIN) THAT IT'S IMPORTANT TO THINK BEYOND THE OLD DAYS OF WHEN WE HAD THE CONCEPT THAT IF WE BLEW EACH OTHER
UP, THE WORLD WOULD BE SAFE." - MAY 1, 2001
"FIRST, WE WOULD NOT ACCEPT A TREATY THAT WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN RATIFIED, NOR A TREATY THAT I THOUGHT MADE SENSE FOR THE COUNTRY." - ON THE KYOTO
ACCORD, APRIL 24, 2001
"IT'S VERY IMPORTANT FOR FOLKS TO UNDERSTAND THAT WHEN THERE'S MORE TRADE, THERE'S MORE COMMERCE." -AT THE SUMMIT OF THE AMERICAS IN QUEBEC CITY,
APRIL 21, 2001
"NEITHER IN FRENCH NOR IN ENGLISH NOR IN MEXICAN." - DECLINING TO TAKE REPORTERS' QUESTIONS DURING A PHOTO OP WITH CANADIAN PRIME MINISTER JEAN
CHRETIEN, APRIL 21, 2001
"THIS ADMINISTRATION IS DOING EVERYTHING WE CAN TO END THE STALEMATE IN AN EFFICIENT WAY. WE'RE MAKING THE RIGHT DECISIONS TO BRING THE SOLUTION TO
AN END." -APRIL 10, 2001
"IT WOULD BE HELPFUL IF WE OPENED UP ANWR (ARCTIC NATIONAL WILDLIFE REFUGE). I THINK IT'S A MISTAKE NOT TO. AND I WOULD URGE YOU ALL TO TRAVEL UP
THERE AND TAKE A LOOK AT IT, AND YOU CAN MAKE THE DETERMINATION AS TO HOW BEAUTIFUL THAT COUNTRY IS." - AT A WHITE HOUSE PRESS CONFERENCE, MARCH 29,
2001
"I'VE COINED NEW WORDS, LIKE, MISUNDERSTANDING AND HISPANICALLY." -SPEAKING AT THE RADIO & TELEVISION CORRESPONDENTS DINNER, MARCH 29, 2001
"A LOT OF TIMES IN THE RHETORIC, PEOPLE FORGET THE FACTS. AND THE FACTS ARE THAT THOUSANDS OF SMALL BUSINESSES - HISPANICALLY OWNED OR OTHERWISE -
PAY TAXES AT THE HIGHEST MARGINAL RATE." -SPEAKING TO THE HISPANIC CHAMBER OF COMMERCE, MARCH 19, 2001
"I DO THINK WE NEED FOR A TROOP TO BE ABLE TO HOUSE HIS FAMILY. THAT'S AN IMPORTANT PART OF BUILDING MORALE IN THE MILITARY." -SPEAKING AT TYNDALL
AIR FORCE BASE IN FLORIDA, MARCH 12, 2001
"I SUSPECT THAT HAD MY DAD NOT BEEN PRESIDENT, HE'D BE ASKING THE SAME QUESTIONS: HOW'D YOUR MEETING GO WITH SO-AND-SO? … HOW DID YOU FEEL WHEN
YOU STOOD UP IN FRONT OF THE PEOPLE FOR THE STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS-STATE OF THE BUDGET ADDRESS, WHATEVER YOU CALL IT." -IN AN INTERVIEW WITH THE
WASHINGTON POST, MARCH 9, 2001
"ANN AND I WILL CARRY OUT THIS EQUIVOCAL MESSAGE TO THE WORLD: MARKETS MUST BE OPEN." AT THE SWEARING-IN CEREMONY FOR SECRETARY OF AGRICULTURE ANN
VENEMAN, MARCH 2, 2001
PLAN PLAYS DOWN AN UNPRECEDENTED AMOUNT OF OUR NATIONAL DEBT." -IN HIS BUDGET ADDRESS TO CONGRESS, FEB. 27, 2001
"I HAVE SAID THAT THE SANCTION REGIME IS LIKE SWISS CHEESE - THAT MEANT THAT THEY WEREN'T VERY EFFECTIVE." -DURING A WHITE HOUSE PRESS CONFERENCE,
FEB. 22, 2001
"YOU TEACH A CHILD TO READ, AND HE OR HER WILL BE ABLE TO PASS A LITERACY TEST.'' -FEB. 21, 2001
"IT'S GOOD TO SEE SO MANY FRIENDS HERE IN THE ROSE GARDEN. THIS IS OUR FIRST EVENT IN THIS BEAUTIFUL SPOT, AND IT'S APPROPRIATE WE TALK ABOUT
POLICY THAT WILL AFFECT PEOPLE'S LIVES IN A POSITIVE WAY IN SUCH A BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL PART OF OUR NATIONAL - REALLY, OUR NATIONAL PARK SYSTEM, MY
GUESS IS YOU WOULD WANT TO CALL IT."-FEB. 8, 2001
"WE'RE CONCERNED ABOUT AIDS INSIDE OUR WHITE HOUSE - MAKE NO MISTAKE ABOUT IT." -FEB. 7, 2001
"THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS LEGACIES. AT LEAST, THERE IS A LEGACY, BUT I'LL NEVER SEE IT." -SPEAKING TO CATHOLIC LEADERS AT THE WHITE HOUSE, JAN.
31, 2001
"I APPRECIATE THAT QUESTION BECAUSE I, IN THE STATE OF TEXAS, HAD HEARD A LOT OF DISCUSSION ABOUT A FAITH-BASED INITIATIVE ERODING THE IMPORTANT
BRIDGE BETWEEN CHURCH AND STATE.", SPEAKING TO REPORTERS, WASHINGTON, D.C., JAN. 29, 2001
"I AM MINDFUL NOT ONLY OF PRESERVING EXECUTIVE POWERS FOR MYSELF, BUT FOR PREDECESSORS AS WELL." -WASHINGTON, D.C., JAN. 29, 2001
"REDEFINING THE ROLE OF THE UNITED STATES FROM ENABLERS TO KEEP THE PEACE TO ENABLERS TO KEEP THE PEACE FROM PEACEKEEPERS IS GOING TO BE AN
ASSIGNMENT." -JAN. 2001
"I'M HOPEFUL. I KNOW THERE IS A LOT OF AMBITION IN WASHINGTON, OBVIOUSLY. BUT I HOPE THE AMBITIOUS REALIZE THAT THEY ARE MORE LIKELY TO SUCCEED WITH
SUCCESS AS OPPOSED TO FAILURE." -JAN. 2001
"THE CALIFORNIA CRUNCH REALLY IS THE RESULT OF NOT ENOUGH POWER-GENERATING PLANTS AND THEN NOT ENOUGH POWER TO POWER THE POWER OF GENERATING
PLANTS." -JAN. 2001
"SHE'S JUST TRYING TO MAKE SURE ANTHONY GETS A GOOD MEAL - ANTONIO." -GEORGE W. BUSH, ON LAURA BUSH INVITING JUSTICE ANTONIN SCALIA TO DINNER AT
THE WHITE HOUSE, JAN. 2001
WE MUST ALL HEAR THE UNIVERSAL CALL TO LIKE YOUR NEIGHBOR JUST LIKE YOU LIKE TO BE LIKED YOURSELF.
I HAVE A DIFFERENT VISION OF LEADERSHIP. A LEADERSHIP IS SOMEONE WHO BRINGS PEOPLE TOGETHER.
I MEAN, THERE NEEDS TO BE A WHOLESALE EFFORT AGAINST RACIAL PROFILING, WHICH IS ILLITERATE CHILDREN.
LEADERSHIP TO ME MEANS DUTY, HONOR, COUNTRY. IT MEANS CHARACTER, AND IT MEANS LISTENING FROM TIME TO TIME.
IN MY SENTENCES I GO WHERE NO MAN HAS GONE BEFORE.
ONE OF THE COMMON DENOMINATORS I HAVE FOUND IS THAT EXPECTATIONS RISE ABOVE THAT WHICH IS EXPECTED.
THE MOST IMPORTANT JOB IS NOT TO BE GOVERNOR, OR FIRST LADY IN MY CASE.
THERE'S NOT GOING TO BE ENOUGH PEOPLE IN THE SYSTEM TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF PEOPLE LIKE ME.
WE ARE READY FOR ANY UNFORESEEN EVENT WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT HAPPEN.
THEY WANT THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT CONTROLLING SOCIAL SECURITY LIKE IT'S SOME KIND OF FEDERAL PROGRAM.
I APPRECIATE THAT QUESTION BECAUSE I, IN THE STATE OF TEXAS, HAD HEARD A LOT OF DISCUSSION ABOUT A FAITH-BASED INITIATIVE ERODING THE IMPORTANT BRIDGE
BETWEEN CHURCH AND STATE.
FOR EVERY FATAL SHOOTING, THERE WERE ROUGHLY THREE NON-FATAL SHOOTINGS. AND, FOLKS, THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE IN AMERICA. IT'S JUST UNACCEPTABLE. AND
WE'RE GOING TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
THIS ADMINISTRATION IS DOING EVERYTHING WE CAN TO END THE STALEMATE IN AN EFFICIENT WAY. WE'RE MAKING THE RIGHT DECISIONS TO BRING THE SOLUTION TO AN
END.
ONE OF THE GREAT THINGS ABOUT BOOKS IS SOMETIMES THERE ARE SOME FANTASTIC PICTURES.
I MENTIONED EARLY ON THAT I RECOGNIZE THERE ARE HURDLES, AND WE'RE GOING TO ACHIEVE THOSE HURDLES. [1/22/2003]
PEOPLE THAT ARE REALLY VERY WEIRD CAN GET INTO SENSITIVE POSITIONS AND HAVE A TREMENDOUS IMPACT ON HISTORY.
THE ADMINISTRATION I'LL BRING IS A GROUP OF MEN AND WOMEN WHO ARE FOCUSED ON WHAT'S BEST FOR AMERICA, HONEST MEN AND WOMEN, DECENT MEN AND WOMEN,
WOMEN WHO WILL SEE SERVICE TO OUR COUNTRY AS A GREAT PRIVILEGE AND WHO WILL NOT STAIN THE HOUSE.
IT'S CLEARLY A BUDGET. IT'S GOT A LOT OF NUMBERS IN IT.
I UNDERSTAND SMALL BUSINESS GROWTH. I WAS ONE.
HE CAN'T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS. HE CAN'T TAKE THE HIGH HORSE AND THEN CLAIM THE LOW ROAD.
RARELY IS THE QUESTION ASKED: IS OUR CHILDREN LEARNING?
WILL THE HIGHWAYS ON THE INTERNET BECOME MORE FEW?
WE CANNOT LET TERRORISTS HOLD THIS NATION HOSTILE OR HOLD OUR ALLIES HOSTILE.
THERE'S AN OLD SAYING IN TENNESSEE -- I KNOW IT'S IN TEXAS, PROBABLY IN TENNESSEE...THAT SAYS, FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON...SHAME ON YOU. FOOL ME...YOU
CAN'T GET FOOLED AGAIN. [9/17/2002]
AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS, I HAVE SET HIGH STANDARDS FOR OUR PUBLIC SCHOOLS, AND I HAVE MET THOSE STANDARDS.
OUR NATION MUST COME TOGETHER TO UNITE.
"A LOW VOTER TURNOUT IS AN INDICATION OF FEWER PEOPLE GOING TO THE POLLS."
"I HAVE MADE GOOD JUDGMENTS IN THE PAST. I HAVE MADE GOOD JUDGMENTS IN THE FUTURE."
"IT ISN'T POLLUTION THAT'S HARMING THE ENVIRONMENT. IT'S THE IMPURITIES IN OUR AIR AND WATER THAT ARE DOING IT."
"IF WE DON'T SUCCEED, WE RUN THE RISK OF FAILURE."
"MY BROTHER JEB HAS ASSURED ME THE STATE OF FLORIDA."
"IF YOU'RE SICK AND TIRED OF THE POLITICS OF CYNICISM AND POLLS AND PRINCIPLES, COME AND JOIN THIS CAMPAIGN."
"WE'RE GOING TO HAVE THE BEST EDUCATED AMERICAN PEOPLE IN THE WORLD."
"FOR NASA, SPACE IS STILL A HIGH PRIORITY."
"I KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR YOU TO PUT FOOD ON YOUR FAMILY."
"WHEN I WAS COMING UP, IT WAS A DANGEROUS WORLD, AND YOU KNEW EXACTLY WHO THEY WERE. IT WAS US VS. THEM, AND IT WAS CLEAR WHO THEM WAS. TODAY, WE ARE
NOT SO SURE WHO THE THEY ARE, BUT WE KNOW THEY'RE THERE."
AN OPENLY KNOWN HOMOSEXUAL IS SOMEBODY WHO PROBABLY WOULDN'T SHARE MY PHILOSOPHY."
"GUNS DON'T KILL PEOPLE; GUNS ARE DESIGNED AND MANUFACTURED FOR THE PURPOSE OF ENABLING PEOPLE TO USE THE GUNS TO KILL PEOPLE."
"I THINK WHAT'S GETTING LOST IN THIS WHOLE DEBATE IS THIS: TAKING DRUGS IS WRONG." W'S ANSWER TO WHAT THE PRESIDENT SHOULD DO ABOUT HIGH
PRESCRIPTION DRUG PRICES IN THE USA
"I THINK IT'S FINE, AS LONG AS IT'S CHRISTIAN PRAYERS. ANYTHING ELSE IS UN-AMERICAN."
-GEORGE W. BUSH [HIS THOUGHTS ON PRAYING AT SCHOOL FOOTBALL GAMES]
"WE CAN'T LET THIS CHILD COME UNDER THE SWAY OF AN ISOLATIONIST, TYRANNICAL STATE LED BY A SELF-OBSESSED SOCIOPATH. BY ALL MEANS, SEND HIM BACK TO
CUBA."
"THEY MISUNDERESTIMATED ME."
"WE'RE ENJOYING SLUGGISH TIMES, AND NOT ENJOYING THEM VERY MUCH."
"I'VE GOT A RECORD, A RECORD THAT IS CONSERVATIVE AND A RECORD THAT IS COMPASSIONATED."
"THEY WANT THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT CONTROLLING SOCIAL SECURITY LIKE IT'S SOME KIND OF FEDERAL PROGRAM."
"MR. VICE PRESIDENT, IN ALL DUE RESPECT, IT IS-I'M NOT SURE 80 PERCENT OF THE PEOPLE GET THE DEATH TAX. I KNOW THIS: 100 PERCENT WILL GET IT IF I'M
THE PRESIDENT."
"I HAVE OPINIONS OF MY OWN -- STRONG OPINIONS --BUT I DON'T ALWAYS AGREE WITH THEM.
"OUR PRIORITIES IS OUR FAITH."
"KEEP GOOD RELATIONS WITH THE GRECIANS."
HE [BUSH] RECALLED THE LAST TIME HE WAS IN FLORIDA, ON THE MORNING OF SEPT. 11, AND WHAT WENT THROUGH HIS MIND WHEN THE FIRST PLANE HIT NEW YORK'S
WORLD TRADE CENTER: "I USED TO FLY MYSELF, AND I SAID, 'WELL, THERE'S ONE TERRIBLE PILOT.'"
--ASSOCIATED PRESS, DEC. 4, 2001
"I DON'T THINK THAT WITCHCRAFT IS A RELIGION. I WISH THE MILITARY WOULD RETHINK THIS DECISION." - TO ABC NEWS, JUNE 1999, REGARDING FT. HOOD'S
DECISION TO ALLOW WICCAN RITUALS
"I AM MINDFUL NOT ONLY OF PRESERVING EXECUTIVE POWERS FOR MYSELF, BUT FOR PREDECESSORS AS WELL." - JAN. 29, 2001
"MY PRO-LIFE POSITION IS I BELIEVE THERE'S LIFE. IT'S NOT NECESSARILY BASED IN RELIGION. I THINK THERE'S A LIFE THERE, THEREFORE THE NOTION OF
LIFE, LIBERTY AND PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS." - JAN. 23, 2001
"REDEFINING THE ROLE OF THE UNITED STATES FROM ENABLERS TO KEEP THE PEACE TO ENABLERS TO KEEP THE PEACE FROM PEACEKEEPERS IS GOING TO BE AN
ASSIGNMENT." - JAN. 14, 2001
"THE CALIFORNIA CRUNCH REALLY IS THE RESULT OF NOT ENOUGH POWER-GENERATING PLANTS AND THEN NOT ENOUGH POWER TO POWER THE POWER OF GENERATING
PLANTS." - JAN. 14, 2001
"I HOPE THE AMBITIOUS REALIZE THAT THEY ARE MORE LIKELY TO SUCCEED WITH SUCCESS AS OPPOSED TO FAILURE." - JAN. 18, 2001
"SHE'S JUST TRYING TO MAKE SURE ANTHONY GETS A GOOD MEAL-ANTONIO."-ON LAURA BUSH INVITING JUSTICE ANTONIN SCALIA TO DINNER AT THE WHITE HOUSE. -
JAN. 14, 2001
"I AM MINDFUL OF THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE EXECUTIVE BRANCH AND THE LEGISLATIVE BRANCH. I ASSURED ALL FOUR OF THESE LEADERS THAT I KNOW THE
DIFFERENCE, AND THAT DIFFERENCE IS THEY PASS THE LAWS AND I EXECUTE THEM." - DEC. 18, 2000
"THEY WANT THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT CONTROLLING SOCIAL SECURITY LIKE IT'S SOME KIND OF FEDERAL PROGRAM." - NOV. 2, 2000
"I MEAN, THERE NEEDS TO BE A WHOLESALE EFFORT AGAINST RACIAL PROFILING, WHICH IS ILLITERATE CHILDREN." - OCT. 11, 2000
"I DO KNOW I'M READY FOR THE JOB. AND, IF NOT, THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT GOES." - AUG. 21, 2000
"I KNOW THE HUMAN BEING AND FISH CAN COEXIST PEACEFULLY." - SEP. 29, 2000
"I WILL HAVE A FOREIGN-HANDED FOREIGN POLICY." - SEP. 27, 2000
"I THINK WE OUGHT TO RAISE THE AGE AT WHICH JUVENILES CAN HAVE A GUN."
"FAMILIES IS WHERE OUR NATION FINDS HOPE, WHERE WINGS TAKE DREAM." - OCT. 18, 2000
"THE WOMAN WHO KNEW THAT I HAD DYSLEXIA--I NEVER INTERVIEWED HER." - SEPT. 15, 2000
"WE CANNOT LET TERRIERS AND ROGUE NATIONS HOLD THIS NATION HOSTILE" - SEP. 9, 2000
"IF MOST OF THE BREAKS GO TO WEALTHY PEOPLE IT'S BECAUSE MOST OF THE PEOPLE WHO PAY TAXES ARE WEALTHY."
"I DON'T NEED TO BE SUBLIMINABABLE" - SEP. 12, 2000
"FAMILIES IS WHERE OUR NATION FINDS HOPE, WHERE WINGS TAKE DREAM." -GEORGE W. BUSH, IN OCT.. 2000
"I CALL UPON ALL NATIONS TO DO EVERYTHING THEY CAN TO STOP THESE TERRORIST KILLERS. THANK YOU. NOW WATCH THIS DRIVE."
--AUGUST 4, 2002, ON VIOLENCE IN THE MIDDLE EAST... AND HIS GOLF GAME
"I KNOW THAT HUMAN BEING AND FISH CAN COEXIST PEACEFULLY." --GEORGE W. BUSH, SEPT. 29, 2000
George W Bush's Resume
BUSH SR.
"IT'S NO EXAGGERATION TO SAY THAT THE UNDECIDEDS COULD GO ONE WAY OR ANOTHER."
"IF IGNORANCE GOES TO FORTY DOLLARS A BARREL, I WANT DRILLING RIGHTS TO GEORGE BUSH'S HEAD." -JIM HIGHTOWER, FORMER TEXAS COMMISSIONER OF
AGRICULTURE, REFERRING TO THE ELDER BUSH
I'M CONSERVATIVE, BUT I'M NOT A NUT ABOUT IT.
"FOR SEVEN AND A HALF YEARS I'VE WORKED ALONGSIDE PRESIDENT REAGAN. WE'VE HAD TRIUMPHS. MADE SOME MISTAKES. WE'VE HAD SOME
SEX...UH...SETBACKS."
-GEORGE H.W. BUSH IN 1988
"WHEN I NEED A LITTLE ADVICE ABOUT SADDAM HUSSEIN, I TURN TO COUNTRY MUSIC." -GEORGE BUSH SR., IN 1991
" "YOU CANNOT BE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF YOU DON'T HAVE FAITH. REMEMBER LINCOLN, GOING TO HIS KNEES IN TIMES OF TRIAL AND THE CIVIL WAR
AND ALL THAT STUFF. YOU CAN'T BE. AND WE ARE BLESSED. SO DON'T FEEL SORRY FOR - DON'T CRY FOR ME, ARGENTINA."
--1/15/92
"HIGH TECH IS POTENT, PRECISE, AND IN THE END, UNBEATABLE. THE TRUTH IS, IT REMINDS A LOT OF PEOPLE OF THE WAY I PITCH HORSESHOES. WOULD YOU BELIEVE
SOME OF THE PEOPLE? WOULD YOU BELIEVE OUR DOG? LOOK, I WANT TO GIVE THE HIGH-FIVE SYMBOL TO HIGH TECH." -GEORGE BUSH SR., IN 1989
"IF A FROG HAD WINGS, HE WOULDN'T HIT HIS TAIL ON THE GROUND. TOO HYPOTHETICAL." -GEORGE BUSH SR., IN 1992
"TO KIND OF SUDDENLY TRY TO GET MY HAIR COLORED, AND DANCE UP AND DOWN IN A MINISKIRT OR DO SOMETHING, YOU KNOW, SHOW THAT I'VE GOT A LOT OF JAZZ
OUT THERE AND DROP A BUNCH OF ONE-LINERS, I'M RUNNING FOR THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES...I KIND OF THINK I'M A SCINTILLATING KIND OF FELLOW."
-GEORGE BUSH SR., IN 1988
"PLEASE DON'T ASK ME TO DO THAT"IF YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT CARIBOU, TAKE A LOOK AT THE ARGUMENTS THAT WERE USED ABOUT THE PIPELINE. THEY'D SAY THE
CARIBOU WOULD BE EXTINCT. YOU'VE GOT TO SHAKE THEM AWAY WITH A STICK. THEY'RE ALL MAKING LOVE LYING UP AGAINST THE PIPELINE AND YOU GOT THOUSANDS OF
CARIBOU UP THERE." --GEORGE BUSH SR., SPEAKING ABOUT THE ALASKAN PIPELINE, OCT. 31, 1991 WHICH I'VE JUST SAID I'M NOT GOING TO DO, BECAUSE YOU'RE
BURNING UP TIME. THE METER IS RUNNING THROUGH THE SAND ON YOU, AND I AM NOW FILIBUSTERING." --GEORGE BUSH SR., APRIL 20, 1989
"FLUENCY IN ENGLISH IS SOMETHING THAT I'M OFTEN NOT ACCUSED OF." --GEORGE BUSH SR., JUNE 6, 1989
"I'VE BEEN TALKING THE SAME WAY FOR YEARS, SO IT CAN'T BE THAT SERIOUS." --GEORGE BUSH SR., AUG. 7, 1988
DAN
"WELCOME TO PRESIDENT BUSH, MRS. BUSH, AND MY FELLOW ASTRONAUTS."
"WE'RE GOING TO HAVE THE BEST-EDUCATED AMERICAN PEOPLE IN THE WORLD." 9/21/88
"WE HAVE A FIRM COMMITMENT TO NATO, WE ARE A 'PART' OF NATO. WE HAVE A FIRM COMMITMENT TO EUROPE. WE ARE A 'PART' OF EUROPE."
"THE HOLOCAUST WAS AN OBSCENE PERIOD IN OUR NATION'S HISTORY. I MEAN IN THIS CENTURY'S HISTORY. BUT WE ALL LIVED IN THIS CENTURY. I DIDN'T LIVE IN
THIS CENTURY." 15/9/88
"QUITE FRANKLY, TEACHERS ARE THE ONLY PROFESSION THAT TEACH OUR CHILDREN." 18/9/90
"WE EXPECT THE SALVADOREAN OFFICIALS TO WORK TOWARDS THE EXTREMINATION OF HUMAN RIGHTS."
DAN QUAYLE.
"WHAT A TERRIBLE THING TO HAVE LOST ONE'S MIND. OR NOT TO HAVE A MIND AT ALL. HOW TRUE THAT IS." -- SPEAKING TO THE UNITED NEGRO COLLEGE FUND
"REPUBLICANS UNDERSTAND THE IMPORTANCE OF BONDAGE BETWEEN A MOTHER AND CHILD."
"YOU ALL LOOK LIKE HAPPY CAMPERS TO ME. HAPPY CAMPERS YOU ARE, HAPPY CAMPERS YOU HAVE BEEN, AND, AS FAR AS I AM CONCERNED, HAPPY CAMPERS YOU WILL
ALWAYS BE." -- TO THE AMERICAN SAMOANS
"I BELIEVE WE ARE ON AN IRREVERSIBLE TREND TOWARD MORE FREEDOM AND DEMOCRACY - BUT THAT COULD CHANGE."
"IF WE DO NOT SUCCEED, THEN WE RUN THE RISK OF FAILURE." -- QUOTED IN THE PHOENIX REPUBLICAN FORUM, MARCH 1990
"VERBOSITY LEADS TO UNCLEAR, INARTICULATE THINGS."
"I HAVE MADE GOOD JUDGEMENTS IN THE PAST. I HAVE MADE GOOD JUDGEMENTS IN THE FUTURE."
"I STAND BY ALL THE MISSTATEMENTS THAT I'VE MADE."
"THE OTHER DAY [THE PRESIDENT] SAID, I KNOW YOU'VE HAD SOME ROUGH TIMES, AND I WANT TO DO SOMETHING THAT WILL SHOW THE NATION WHAT FAITH THAT I HAVE
IN YOU, IN YOUR MATURITY AND SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY. (HE PAUSED, THEN SAID) WOULD YOU LIKE A PUPPY?" -- (LA TIMES 5/21/89)
"MY FRIENDS, NO MATTER HOW ROUGH THE ROAD MAY BE, WE CAN AND WE WILL, NEVER, NEVER SURRENDER TO WHAT IS RIGHT." -- IN A SPEECH TO THE CHRISTIAN
COALITION
"I DESERVE RESPECT FOR THE THINGS I DID NOT DO."
"I FEEL THAT THIS [1981] IS MY FIRST YEAR, THAT NEXT YEAR IS AN ELECTION YEAR, THAT THE THIRD YEAR IS THE MID POINT AND THAT THE FOURTH YEAR IS THE
LAST CHANCE I'LL HAVE TO MAKE A RECORD SINCE THE LAST TWO YEARS, I'LL BE A CANDIDATE AGAIN. EVERYTHING I DO IN THOSE LAST TWO YEARS WILL BE
POSTURING FOR THE ELECTION. BUT RIGHT NOW I DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT."
"THIS PRESIDENT IS GOING TO LEAD US OUT OF THIS RECOVERY." -- AT A CAMPAIGN STOP IN CALIFORNIA AND AND THEN AT CA STATE UNIVERSITY, FRESNO (THE
QUAYLE QUARTERLY, SPRING/SUMMER 1992)
"WE ARE READY FOR ANY UNFORESEEN EVENT THAT MAY OR MAY NOT OCCUR."
"FOR NASA, SPACE IS STILL A HIGH PRIORITY."
"[THE U.S. VICTORY IN GULF WAR WAS A] STIRRING VICTORY FOR THE FORCES OF AGGRESSION."
"THE BEST THING ABOUT RAIN FORESTS IS THEY NEVER SUFFER FROM DROUGHT."
"THE GLOBAL IMPORTANCE OF THE MIDDLE EAST IS THAT IT KEEPS THE NEAR EAST AND THE FAR EAST FROM ENCROACHING ON EACH OTHER."
"OUR PARTY HAS BEEN ACCUSED OF FOOLING THE PUBLIC BY CALLING TAX INCREASES 'REVENUE ENHANCEMENT.' NOT SO. NO ONE WAS FOOLED."
"PEOPLE ARE NOT HOMELESS IF THEY'RE SLEEPING IN THE STREETS OF THEIR OWN HOMETOWNS."
"REPUBLICANS HAVE BEEN ACCUSED OF ABANDONING THE POOR. IT'S THE OTHER WAY AROUND. THEY NEVER VOTE FOR US."
"BANK FAILURES ARE CAUSED BY DEPOSITORS WHO DON'T DEPOSIT ENOUGH MONEY TO COVER LOSSES DUE TO MISMANAGEMENT."
"AIR TRAVEL EFFICIENCY WOULD IMPROVE IF MORE TRAVELERS STARTED GOING TO LESS POPULAR PLACES."
"IT ISN'T POLLUTION THAT'S HARMING THE ENVIRONMENT. IT'S THE IMPURITIES IN OUR AIR AND WATER THAT ARE DOING IT."
"IT IS WONDERFUL TO BE HERE IN THE GREAT STATE OF CHICAGO"
"I WAS RECENTLY ON A TOUR OF LATIN AMERICA, AND THE ONLY REGRET I HAVE WAS THAT I DIDN'T STUDY LATIN HARDER IN SCHOOL SO I COULD CONVERSE WITH THOSE
PEOPLE."
"I LOVE CALIFORNIA, I PRACTICALLY GREW UP IN PHOENIX."
"FOR NASA, SPACE IS STILL A HIGH PRIORITY." 5/9/90
"HAWAII IS A UNIQUE STATE. IT IS A SMALL STATE. IT IS A STATE THAT IS BY ITSELF. IT IS A --IT IS DIFFERENT FROM THE OTHER 49 STATES. WELL, ALL STATES
ARE DIFFERENT, BUT IT'S GOT A PARTICULARLY UNIQUE SITUATION."
-DAN QUALYE
"THE INTERNET IS A GREAT WAY TO GET ON THE NET"
-BOB DOLE
"I AM NOT WORRIED ABOUT THE DEFICIT. IT IS BIG ENOUGH TO TAKE CARE OF ITSELF." -RONALD REAGAN
"WELL, I LEARNED A LOT....I WENT DOWN TO (LATIN AMERICA) TO FIND OUT FROM THEM AND (LEARN) THEIR VIEWS. YOU'D BE SURPRISED. THEY'RE ALL INDIVIDUAL
COUNTRIES" -RONALD
"THINGS ARE MORE LIKE THEY ARE NOW THAN THEY EVER WERE BEFORE."
DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER.
"I THINK GAY MARRIAGE SHOULD BE BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN." -ARNOLD
"THE C**K ISN'T A MUSCLE SO IT DOESN'T GROW IN RELATION TO THE SHOULDERS, SAY, OR THE PECTORALS. YOU CAN'T MAKE IT BIGGER THROUGH EXERCISE,
THAT'S FOR SURE." -ARNOLD
"THE PUBLIC DOESN'T CARE ABOUT FIGURES." -ARNOLD
"NIXON WAS ALWAYS BEING ATTACKED SEXUALLY. IT WAS ALWAYS SAID THAT HE WAS A FAG AND THAT HE HAD NO SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH HIS WIFE FOR 15 YEARS AND
THAT WAS WHY HE LIKED POWER. AND HITLER HAD ONLY ONE BALL, AND THAT WAS WHY HE WANTED TO CONQUER THE WORLD." - ARNOLD
"Tell him 'We've already got one'"
DoNkEy
A.k.a.: James
Wolfsburg Wizard
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posted on October 16th, 2004 at 11:49 PM
>THE FORGOTTEN "R"
>
>
>A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the
>other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by
>hand. He
>notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not
>from the original manuscript.
>
>So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing
>out
>that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would
>never be picked up. In fact, that error would be continued in all of
>the
>subsequent copies.
>
>The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for
>centuries, but you make a good point, my son." So, he goes down into
>the
>dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts
>are
>held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for
>hundreds
>of years.
>
>Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot. So, the young monk gets
>worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head
>against the wall, and wailing, "We forgot the "R", we forgot the "R"
>His
>forehead is all bloody and bruised and he
>is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's
>wrong, father?"
>
>With a choking voice, the old abbot replies, "The word was
>'celebrate'."
>
Oasis
Custom Title Time!
Going alone...
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posted on October 17th, 2004 at 12:14 PM
An American touring Spain stopped at a local restaurant following a day of sightseeing. While sipping his sangria, he noticed a sizzling,
scrumptious
looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful.
He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"
The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"
The American, though momentarily daunted, said,
"What the hell, I'm on vacation! Bring me an order!"
The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early
tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy!"
The next morning, the American returned, placed his order, and then that evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a
few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said...
"These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller
than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!"
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied,
"Si senor. Sometimes the bull wins."
"Tell him 'We've already got one'"
jenz58
Scirocco Rare
Postal Menace
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posted on October 17th, 2004 at 12:34 PM
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Time to eat.....
Where do you find these things!!!
"All you need is trust and a little bit of pixie dust!"
...so I don't loose the links to my rides again hehehe
zac_smits
A.k.a.: Zac
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posted on October 17th, 2004 at 07:25 PM
haha jenz that's very good....
zac
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amazer
Bishop of Volkswagenism
kombi pilot
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posted on October 18th, 2004 at 11:01 AM
HOW TO REFER TO WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT
1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED CITIZEN.
2. She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
3. She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPER HIGHWAY.
4. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
5. She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
6. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
7. She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
8. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
9. She does not NAG you - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.
10.She does not have PREMIER LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.
11.She is not a TWO BIT SLAPPER - She is a LOW COST SERVICE PROVIDER.
HOW TO REFER TO MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT
1. He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
2. He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
4. He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
5. He is not a CRADLE SNATCHER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.
6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
7. He does not act like a TOTAL ARSE - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.
8. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY
9. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.
[Edited on 18-10-2004 by amazer]
Chris.... kombi pilot, oval dreamer... finisher #26971 2005 city to surf
zac_smits
A.k.a.: Zac
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posted on October 18th, 2004 at 05:26 PM
An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong
with them.
When they arrived at the doctor's, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out,
the doctor tells them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things.
The couple thanked the doctor and left.Later that night while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair and his wife asks, "Where are you
going?"
He replies, "To the kitchen."She asks, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
He replies, "Sure." She then asks him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?"
He says, "No, I can remember that." She then says, "Well I also would like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down cause I know
you'll forget that."
He says, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries." She replies, "Well I also would like whip cream on top. I know you
will forget that so you better write it down."
With irritation in his voice, he says, "I don't need to write that down I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen. After about 20
minutes he returns from the kitchen and hands her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment and says, "You forgot my toast."
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zac_smits
A.k.a.: Zac
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posted on October 18th, 2004 at 05:30 PM
An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several false alarm
trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put.
He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of
bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.
A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the
unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet. As the drunk stood there staring down at the sheets, a hospital
security guard who watched the whole incident walked up and asked,"What the heck is going on?"
The drunk, still staring down, replied:
"I think I just beat the crap out of a ghost."
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Boozer
Custom Title Time!
Demented But Determined
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posted on October 18th, 2004 at 05:35 PM
that last one's really good!:P
THe MC Bat Commander's motto: "Never do now, what you could do for 24 hours straight, all night, the night before."
zac_smits
A.k.a.: Zac
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posted on October 18th, 2004 at 05:41 PM
yeh i was roflmao with that one
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theverybigtallman
A.k.a.: dave andrews
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posted on October 18th, 2004 at 08:38 PM
quotes from great f1 commentator murray walker...
"He's obviously gone in for a wheel change. I say obviously because I can't see it"
"With half the race gone, there is half the race still to go"
"Do my eyes deceive me, or is Senna's Lotus sounding rough ?"
"Anything happens in Grand Prix racing and it usually does"
"Alboreto has dropped back up to fifth place"
"As you look at the first four, the significant thing is that Alboreto is 5th"
"I can't imagine what kind of problem Senna has. I imagine it must be some sort of grip problem"
"He is shedding buckets of adrenalin in that car"
"It's raining and the track is wet"
"And now, excuse me while I interrupt myself."
Murray: "First man out is Marques in the Arrows. Of course he's going out early to generate some media interest"
Martin: "I'm sure he would generate some interest if he went out in the Arrows because Marques drives for Minardi"
"...and now, just in case there is any CONFUSION this is the race order on lap 19: David Coulthard leads and has yet to stop; Hakkinen leads and has
yet to stop..."
"You might not think that's cricket, and it's not, it's motor racing"
"Senna 1st, Prost 2nd and Berger 3rd that makes up the top four!"
"... he's on 4 grooved front tyres"
"and this is the third placed car about to lap the second placed car"
"...and he's lost both right front tyres"
"...Cruel luck for Alesi, second on the grid. That's the first time he had started from the front row in a Grand Prix, having done so in Canada
earlier this year..."
"...and there's no damage to the car.....except to the car itself."
"..and Damon Hill is following Damon Hill"
"with Alesi in 4th and 5th"
"Schumacher has made his final stop three times!"
"Nigel Mansell had a problem with the wheel-nut on his Williams, then he went on to win brilliantly for Ferrari!"
"And he's done that in a whisker under 10 seconds, call it 9.7 in round figures".
"and thats one of the mechanics using a feeler gauge to measure the depth of tread in the slick."
"I should imagine that the conditions in the cockpit are unimaginable!"
Murray: "Ferrari won't be developing their car anymore this season"
Brundle: "How do you know that?"
Murray: "I was there when I said it"
"There is nothing wrong with the car except that it is on fire."
"The first four cars are both on the same tyres."
"Except for his car, he's the only man on the track."
"And Michael Schumacher is actually in a very good position. He is in last place."
"The crowd holds its joint breath!"
"Look up there! That's the sky!"
"A sad ending, albeit a happy one, here at Montreal for today's Grand Prix."
"All I can tell you is that David Coulthard keeps on accelerating and closing up to David Coulthard."
"I make no apologies for their absence. I'm sorry they're not here."
"He's here again for the first time."
"And Michael Schumacher, as I expected, is now extending his lead over Michael Schumacher!"
"...in 12th and 13th the two Jaguars of Eddie Irvine."
"This is an interesting circuit because it has inclines, and not just up, but down as well."
"His hopes, which were nil before, are absolutely zero now."
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posted on October 19th, 2004 at 01:25 AM
Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk...
a) Innovative
b) Preliminary
c) Proliferation
d) Cinnamon
Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk...
a) Specificity
b) British Constitution
c) Passive-aggressive disorder
d) Transubstantiate
Things that are ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're
drunk...
a) Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you.
b) Nope, no more booze for me.
c) Sorry, but you're not really my type.
d) No kebab for me, thank you.
e) Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
f) I'm not interested in fighting you.
g) Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing.
h) Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I
have no co-ordination. I'd hate to look a fool.
i) Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street.
j) I must be going home now as I have work in the morning.
"Tell him 'We've already got one'"
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posted on October 19th, 2004 at 04:36 AM
hahahaha
zac
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KruizinKombi
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posted on October 20th, 2004 at 12:49 PM
Subject: Best come back line ever
This was apparently in the Washington Post ..the title of the article was "Best Come Back Line Ever."
In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch 11:38 p.m. on Friday. Lawrence
will be charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency,and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday.
The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no
one around for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview. Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of
the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need."
"Guess I was really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett
County police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "That was an unusual situation, that's
for sure," said Officer Taylor. " I walked up to Lawrence and he's...just pumping away at this pumpkin." Taylor went on to describe what
happened when she approached Lawrence. "I just went up and said, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin?"."
He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then looked me straight in the face and said, " A pumpkin? F**k me, is it midnight
already?"
Kruizin Kol
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posted on October 21st, 2004 at 02:07 AM
hahahahahahaa
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posted on October 21st, 2004 at 02:18 AM
Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are.
The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him "Father".
The second Catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say 'Your
Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle "Well...?"
She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2", hard bodied, well hung, Male Stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, women say, "My God...."
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posted on October 21st, 2004 at 07:43 PM
Tragedy
John Howard, the Prime Minister, was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to
words and their meanings.
The teacher asked the Prime Minister if he would like to lead the discussion on the word "tragedy". So the illustrious leader asked the class for an
example of a "tragedy".
One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm is playing in the paddock and a tractor runs over him and kills him,
that would be a tragedy.
"No," said Howard, "that would be an accident."
A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explained the Prime Minister. "That's what we would call a great loss."
The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Howard
searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally at the back of the room a small boy raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said: "If the RAAF jet carrying You and Mrs. Howard was struck by a
"friendly fire" missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."
"Fantastic!" exclaimed Howard. "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?"
"Well," says the boy, "It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident either."
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posted on October 22nd, 2004 at 12:59 AM
The pumpkin one reminded me of a joke:
Cinderella wanted to go out to meet prince charming, so her ugly sisters said to her "You can only go if you wear a diaphragm, and you must be home
by midnight or it will turn into a pumpkin."
She agrees and goes off into the night. The ugly sisters wait up for her. Midnight comes around... then 1am, then 2am....... finally at 2:30am she
stumbles through the door.
"Cinderella! Where have you been?!? Are you alright?"
"Yes I'm fine", she replied.
"What happened to the Pumpkin?", asked the sisters.
"Oh, some prince took care of it", she said.
"Really? What was his name?" asked the ugly sisters,
to which Cinderella replied, "Oh, Peter Peter something or other......"
"Tell him 'We've already got one'"
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posted on October 22nd, 2004 at 01:35 AM
niice...
-----------------------------------------------
I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument
on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of
me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even
invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply follow these rules:
* Drink Liquor. (JD)
Suppose you're at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on
the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about. If you're drinking
some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang back, afraid
to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date. But if
you drink several large shots of Jack Daniels, you'll discover you have
STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy. You'll be a WEALTH of information.
You'll argue forcefully, offering searing insights and possibly upsetting
furniture. People will be impressed. Some may leave the room.
* Make things up.
Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove Peruvians
are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU are
underpaid, and you're damned if you're going to let a bunch of Peruvians be
better off. DON'T say: "I think Peruvians are underpaid." Say: "The
average Peruvian's salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the revised tax base
is $1,452.81 per annum, which is $836.07 before the mean gross poverty
level."
NOTE: Always make up exact figures.
If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up, too.
Say: "This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study for the Buford
Commission published May 9, 1982. Didn't you read it?" Say this in the same
tone of voice you would use to say "You left your soiled underwear in my
bath house."
* Use meaningless but weightly-sounding words and phrases.
Memorize this list:
Let me put it this way
In terms of
Vis-a-vis
Per se
As it were
Qua
So to speak
well, any-who
You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as "Q.E.D.," "e.g.,"
and "i.e." These are all short for "I speak Latin, and you do not."
Here's how to use these words and phrases. Suppose you want to say:
"Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they don't
have enough money."
You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you say:
"Let me put it this way. In terms of appetizers vis-a-vis Peruvians qua
Peruvians, they would like to order them more often, so to speak, but they
do not have enough money per se, as it were. Q.E.D."
Only a fool would challenge that statement.
* Use snappy and irrelevant comebacks.
You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevent phrases to fire back at your
opponents when they make valid points. The best are:
You're begging the question.
You're being defensive.
Don't compare apples and oranges.
What are your parameters?
This last one is especially valuable. Nobody, other than mathematicians,
has the vaguest idea what "parameters" means.
Here's how to use your comebacks:
You say As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873...
Your opponents says Lincoln died in 1865.
You say You're begging the question.
OR
You say Liberians, like most Asians...
Your opponents says Liberia is in Africa.
You say You're being defensive.
* Compare your opponent to Adolf Hitler.
This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously right and
you are spectacularly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly. Say: "That sounds
suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say" or "You certainly do
remind me of Adolf Hitler."
You now know how to out-argue anybody. Do not try to pull any of this on
people who generally carry weapons.
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posted on October 23rd, 2004 at 03:06 AM
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman, and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very
little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two men applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire
the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day
and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the
hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily
agreed and went into town one Saturday night. One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock, and no hired hand. He returned around
two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots." He
did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots. "Now take off my skirt."
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light. "Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told
and dropped it to the floor. "Now," she said, "take off my panties." By the light of the fire, he slowly pulled them down and off. Then she looked
at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
"Tell him 'We've already got one'"
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posted on October 14th, 2004 at 07:32 AM
