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posted on March 26th, 2003 at 09:54 PM
OK found these Yugo jokes:alien
How do you make a Yugo go faster?
A towtruck.
What do you call the shock absorbers inside a Yugo?
Passengers.
Two guys in a Yugo were arrested last night in Oakland following a push-by shooting incident.
The new Yugo has an air bag. When you sense an impending accident, start pumping real fast.
A friend went to a dealer the other day and said, "I'd like a gas cap for my Yugo." The dealer replied, "Okay. Sounds like a fair
trade."
I have also said for years that the car is named because "Yugo, but it doesn't".
How can you get a Yugo to do 60 miles an hour?
Push it over a cliff.
OK people what's a Yugo? Jokes came from a Balkan site:jesus
Grey 57
A.k.a.: Dean
Son of Jim - Creator of Good
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posted on March 26th, 2003 at 09:57 PM
Why do Yugos have heated rear windows?
Too keep, your hands warm while your pushing them.
jenz58
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posted on March 26th, 2003 at 10:02 PM
Heheheh
Where are they made? Do we have them here?
Tazzielittle
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posted on March 26th, 2003 at 10:08 PM
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts.
A nearby policeman approaches her and remarks, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"
"Why, officer?" asks the blonde.
"Because your blouse is open and your breast is exposed."
"Oh my goodness," exclaims the blonde, "I left my baby on the bus!"
Tazzielittle
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posted on March 26th, 2003 at 10:19 PM
A young punk gets a bus and sits down in directly across from an old man.
The young punk has spiked, green, purple, and orange hair. His clothing is a tattered mix of leather rags. He's not wearing any shoes. His entire
face and body are covered with piercings and his earrings are big, bright red, yellow and green feathers.
The old man stares at the young punk as the bus travels across the city.
Finally, the punk looks across at the old man, and yells, "What are you looking at, old man! Didn't you do anything wild when you were
young?"
Without missing a beat, the old man replies, "Yeah. Back when I was very young and in the Navy, I got really drunk in Singapore and had sex with
a parrot... I thought you might be my son."
jenz58
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posted on March 26th, 2003 at 10:23 PM
Driving Test
Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can't get my license plate number!
Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A The pickup truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying: "Guns don't kill people. I do!
Q: What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car?
A: Always wear a condom.
Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your Car.
Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
A: Being too drunk to find your keys.
Q: What problem would you face if arrested for drunk driving?
A: I'd lose my buzz.
Q: How would it change your life if you had your license suspended or revoked?
A: I'd have to drive illegally.
Q: What is the most important thing to remember when passing or being passed?
A: If the driver is cute, make eye contact and wave "hello".
Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.
Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.
:party
Miss Piggy
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posted on March 26th, 2003 at 10:27 PM
Make It Off The Island
There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated
about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She
swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and
starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired.
After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten
miles, fifteen miles, and finally nineteen miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!"
So she swam back
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posted on March 26th, 2003 at 10:29 PM
Reflections on Dyno Day
You know when you have too much horsepower when
1. The emissions test guy starts laughing as soon as you pull onto the rollers.
2. You can't drive your car in the rain.
3. Your 'significant other' is afraid to drive your car.
4. You are afraid to drive your car.
5. You spend more on tires than on food.
6. You spend more on car insurance than on house payments.
7. You look in a state police car and see a picture of your car taped to the dash.
8. You throw your underwear in the garbage rather than the hamper.
9. You have to go to the track to buy gas.
10. Your mechanic names the new wing of his shop after you.
11. Jacques Villeneuve and Michael Schumacher wave you by.
12. You can make the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs.
13. You're tempted to wear your fire suit just to drive to the office.
14. Red signal lights shift to green as you're approaching then shift back to red as you're receding.
15. You arrive somewhere before you left.
16. You get pulled over for doing 155 in a 35 but the cops will let you go if "they can look under the hood."
17. You remove the $2000 stereo system to save 6 lb. of weight.
18. You are not allowed to run in the Silver State Challenge.
19. You get an anonymous phone call asking if you are interested in being in the Cannonball Run.
20. Your face looks like you are riding a NASA centrifuge when you drive the car.
22. You need parachute braking.
23. 'significant other' won't even ride in the car.
24 There is no possible way to "sneak out" of your neighborhood at 6 am.
25. Your pets scramble for their hiding spots as soon as the garage door is opened. (Pets, and all the neighbors...)
26. Family photos throughout the house are replaced with ife-sized posters of your car.
27. Fuel is delivered to your home: in 55 gallon drums!
28. You carry earplugs in your car.(doesn't everybody???)
29. The only spot on the car which receives any regular cleaning is the windshield. (what else is there to clean???)
30. You find out that side mirrors don't hold up at speeds exceeding 145 mph.
:o:o:o:sandrine
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posted on March 26th, 2003 at 10:37 PM
Buying A New Farm
A blonde and a brunette decide to start a farm together. They add up their life savings into a total of $200.00.
Then, the blonde decided to purchase a bull with it. The brunette agrees, and so the brunette leaves to go find the perfect bull. When she does she is
to telegram the blonde and tell her to come get it.
Finally, the brunette find the bull of her dreams. The farmer says he wants $200 for it. The brunette, thinking she can get a better deal, says no to
his offer.
The farmer says, "Alright then, I'll give you a great deal, how about $199.00?"
The brunette accepts and buys the bull. She has $1.00 left for the telegram. The telegram guy says, "It's $1.00 per word." The brunette
thinks about this and says,"Comfortable, write that."
"Comfortable?" the guy questions.
"Yes, you see she reads slow."
vw54
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posted on March 27th, 2003 at 05:54 AM
A woman decides to have a facelift for her birthday.
She spends $15,000.00 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home she stops at a newsstand to buy a paper. Before leaving, she asks the
sales clerk,
"I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 32", the clerk replies.
"I'm actually 47", the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald's and upon getting her order, asks the counter girl the same question. She replies, "I'd
guess about 29".
The woman replies, "Nope, I am 47." Now she is feeling really good about herself.
While waiting for the bus home, she asks an old man the same question.
He replies, "I'm 78 and my eyesight is starting to go. Although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was, but it
requires you to let me put my hands up your shirt and feel your boobs. Then I can tell exactly how old you are."
They waited in silence on the empty street until curiosity got the best of the woman and she finally says, "What the hell, go ahead."
The old man slips both hands up her shirt under her bra, and begins to feel around.
After a couple of minutes she says, "Okay, okay, how old am I?"
He removes his hands and says, "You are 47."
Stunned the woman says, "That is amazing. How did you know?"
The old man replies, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."
