| [ Total Views: 197761 | Total Replies: 1223 | Thread Id: 24728 ] |
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 Boozer
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Demented But Determined
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| posted on October 2nd, 2003 at 06:00 PM |
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beware...
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Boozer
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Demented But Determined
Posts: 1999
Threads: 129
Registered: December 30th, 2002
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| posted on October 2nd, 2003 at 06:01 PM |
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here's a few donut ones...
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Boozer
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Demented But Determined
Posts: 1999
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| posted on October 2nd, 2003 at 06:05 PM |
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typical...
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Boozer
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Demented But Determined
Posts: 1999
Threads: 129
Registered: December 30th, 2002
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Theme: UltimaBB Pro Blue ( Default )
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| posted on October 2nd, 2003 at 06:06 PM |
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...
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Boozer
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Demented But Determined
Posts: 1999
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| posted on October 2nd, 2003 at 06:09 PM |
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this is on a american soldier in Afghanistan's arm... |
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Boozer
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Demented But Determined
Posts: 1999
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Registered: December 30th, 2002
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| posted on October 2nd, 2003 at 06:11 PM |
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this is on a american soldier in Afghanistan's arm...
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Boozer
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Demented But Determined
Posts: 1999
Threads: 129
Registered: December 30th, 2002
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Theme: UltimaBB Pro Blue ( Default )
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| posted on October 2nd, 2003 at 06:12 PM |
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...
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Boozer
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Demented But Determined
Posts: 1999
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Registered: December 30th, 2002
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Theme: UltimaBB Pro Blue ( Default )
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| posted on October 2nd, 2003 at 06:13 PM |
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...
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Boozer
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Demented But Determined
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| posted on October 2nd, 2003 at 06:14 PM |
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notice: clean seat, dirty driver...
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Boozer
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Demented But Determined
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| posted on October 2nd, 2003 at 06:15 PM |
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I wish it was the real Ronald Mcdonald!
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Boozer
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Demented But Determined
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| posted on October 2nd, 2003 at 06:16 PM |
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I hope i'm not gonna cop any flak from this cause i didn't make it!
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Boozer
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| posted on October 2nd, 2003 at 06:19 PM |
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I think the american military needs VW's instead!
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Boozer
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| posted on October 2nd, 2003 at 06:20 PM |
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two of my favourite bumper stickers... :thumb
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Boozer
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| posted on October 2nd, 2003 at 06:21 PM |
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...
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Boozer
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| posted on October 2nd, 2003 at 06:22 PM |
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he he he...
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Jay_1965vw
A.k.a.: Jay
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Chatting Babe
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| posted on October 3rd, 2003 at 10:23 AM |
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More Soap Sir?
The following letters are taken from an actual incident between a London
hotel and one of its guests. The hotel ended up submitting the letters to
the London Sunday Times.
Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom
since I have brought my own bath-sized Imperial Leather. Please remove the
six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and
another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.
Thank you,
S. Berman
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Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her
day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you
requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top
of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves
only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the management are
to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.
Kathy, Relief Maid
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Dear Maid - I hope you are my regular maid.
Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the
little bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening, found you had
added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet. I am going to
be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own bath-size
Imperial Leather, so I won't need those 6 little Camays, which are on the shelf.
They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc. Please remove them.
S. Berman
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Dear Mr. Berman,
The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this morning that you
called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service. I
have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my apologies
for any past inconvenience. If you have any future complaints, please
contact me so I can give it my personal attention.
Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.
Thank you.
Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper
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Dear Miss Carmen,
It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for
business at 7:45 AM and don't get back before 5:30 or 6PM. That's the
reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty.
I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little Bars
of soap.
The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check in today,
since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet, along
with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the Bathroom shelf. In just
5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap.
Why are you doing this to me?
S. Berman
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Dear Mr. Berman,
Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your room
and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance, please call
extension 1108 between 8 AM and 5PM.
Thank you,
Elaine Carmen,
Housekeeper
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Dear Mr. Kensedder,
My bath-size Imperial Leather is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from
my room, including my own bath-size Imperial Leather. I came in late last
night and had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.
S. Berman
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Dear Mr. Berman,
I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem. I
cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are
instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room.
The situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my apologies for
the inconvenience.
Martin L. Kensedder
Assistant Manager
--------------------------------------------------
Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last night
and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars of Camay. I
want my one damn bar of bath-size Imperial Leather. Do you realise I have
54 bars of soap in here? All I want is my bath-size Imperial Leather.
Please give me back my bath-size Imperial Leather.
S. Berman
---------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman,
You complained of too much soap in your room, so I had them removed.
Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing, so I
personally returned them The 24 Camays which had been taken and the 3
Camays you are supposed to receive daily. I don't know anything about
the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had
returned your soaps, so she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays.
I don't know where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Imperial Leather.
I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.
Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper
----------------------------------------------------
Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my
latest soap inventory.
As of today I possess:
- On the shelf under the medicine cabinet -
18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
- On the Kleenex dispenser -
11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.
- On the bedroom dresser -
1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4
hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
- Inside the medicine cabinet -
14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
- In the shower soap dish -
6 Camay, very moist.
- On the northeast corner of the tub -
1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
- On the northwest corner of the tub -
6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.
Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are
neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to tip.
May I suggest that my bedroom windowsill is not in use and will make an
excellent spot for future soap deliveries. One more item, I have purchased
another bar of bath-size Imperial Leather which I am keeping in the hotel
vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.
S. Berman
Part of Melbourne's Unreal Aircooled VW Community
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Black_math
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Blaupunkt
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| posted on October 3rd, 2003 at 12:32 PM |
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Hehe i dont know why but im posting liddokun here as well
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Black_math
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Blaupunkt
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| posted on October 3rd, 2003 at 12:33 PM |
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heheh this would make teh most awesome avatar
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Boozer
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Demented But Determined
Posts: 1999
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| posted on October 3rd, 2003 at 12:36 PM |
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ugh no. if i had that as my avatar i would try to kill either myself or the computer screen by headbutting it severely... |
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Black_math
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Blaupunkt
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| posted on October 3rd, 2003 at 12:45 PM |
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BUT....itd be a cool avatar
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Black_math
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Blaupunkt
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| posted on October 3rd, 2003 at 12:51 PM |
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Everybody loves liddokun
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Boozer
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Posts: 1999
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Registered: December 30th, 2002
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| posted on October 3rd, 2003 at 12:52 PM |
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nah THIS is better...and it's what i think of liddokun as an avatar...
:thumb
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Black_math
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Blaupunkt
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| posted on October 3rd, 2003 at 12:55 PM |
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Nnoooooooooooooooooo, LIDDOKUN RULES! and i have my freinds the cuban
communist army!
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Boozer
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Demented But Determined
Posts: 1999
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Registered: December 30th, 2002
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Location: Redland Bay, Brisbane
Theme: UltimaBB Pro Blue ( Default )
Mood: What the crap?
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| posted on October 3rd, 2003 at 12:56 PM |
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uh read my other post about the cuban communist army... |
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Black_math
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Blaupunkt
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| posted on October 3rd, 2003 at 12:59 PM |
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Yeah yeah i olny use them as an example.
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KruizinKombi
A.k.a.: Col
Bishop of Volkswagenism
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| posted on October 3rd, 2003 at 04:19 PM |
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Jay, LMAO!!!
That was definitely the funniest thing I've read in quite a while!! :thumb
Kruizin Kol
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amazer
Bishop of Volkswagenism
kombi pilot
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| posted on October 6th, 2003 at 03:55 PM |
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Ever since his late teens Ron had suffered from terrible headaches. Finally, in desperation and after years of misery, he sought medical advice.
Many tests later the doctor sat down with Ron to deliver his diagnosis. The doctor said, "Ron, I have both good and bad news. The good news is I
can cure your headaches... the bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press up
against the base of your spine. The pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way medical science can relieve the pressure is to remove the
testicles." Ron was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but
decided he had no choice. Cut 'em.
When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As
he walked down the street, Ron realized that he felt like a different person -he could make a new beginning and live a new life. Seeing a men's
clothing store he thought, "That's what I need, a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new
suit."
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see...size 44 long." Ron laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years!" Ron tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Ron admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked,
"How about a new shirt?"
Ron thought for a moment and then said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Ron and said, "Let's see...34 sleeve and 16 and a half
neck." Ron was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!" Ron tried on the shirt, and
it fit perfectly. As Ron adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?"
Ron was on a roll now and said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Ron's feet and said, "Let's see... 91/2" Ron was astonished,
"That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!" Ron tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Ron walked
comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?"
Ron thought for a second and said, "Sure." The salesman stepped back, eyed Ron's waist and said, "Let's see...size 36."
Ron laughed, "Ah hah I got you! I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old." The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a
size 34. 34 underwear would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."
Chris.... kombi pilot, oval dreamer... finisher #26971 2005 city to surf
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amazer
Bishop of Volkswagenism
kombi pilot
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| posted on October 8th, 2003 at 09:12 PM |
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A really bad one
A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she
asked "Is my time up?".
God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a
facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and
change her hair colour. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured
she might as well make the most of it. After her last operation, she was
released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she
was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40
years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"
...
God replied, "I didn't recognise you."
Chris.... kombi pilot, oval dreamer... finisher #26971 2005 city to surf
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amazer
Bishop of Volkswagenism
kombi pilot
Posts: 3187
Threads: 308
Registered: August 26th, 2002
Member Is Offline
Location: Wollongong
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| posted on October 10th, 2003 at 10:58 AM |
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frustration
Chris.... kombi pilot, oval dreamer... finisher #26971 2005 city to surf
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KruizinKombi
A.k.a.: Col
Bishop of Volkswagenism
Seriously Obsessed Cyber Dubber
Posts: 3493
Threads: 104
Registered: August 25th, 2002
Member Is Offline
Location: Gippsland, Victoria
Theme: UltimaBB Pro Blue ( Default )
Mood: Indifferent
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| posted on October 10th, 2003 at 03:59 PM |
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Haha, I love the testes joke!!
Here's some more Darwin awards..... ya just gotta wonder about some of these!!
When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did
something that can only inspire wonder: He peered down into the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
And now, the honorable mentions:
The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance
company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger.
The chef's claim was approved.
A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the
space.
Understandably, he shot her.
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare
to Beltway had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride.
He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The
deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, puts a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a
gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill
on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? $15.
(If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?)
A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE,
MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A F**K-UP!"
For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers started. The guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life,
because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got him. The thief ran away and is still at
large. In memory of the event, the banker later put a plaque on the wall engraved with the words, "Freeze, mother-stickers, this is a
f**k-up!"
Seems this Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to
give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the
store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her.
That's the lady I stole the purse from."
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The
clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said
they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of
pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain
still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
They were quickly arrested.
A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the
scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline
and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was
the best laugh he'd ever had.
Kruizin Kol
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