| [ Total Views: 197771 | Total Replies: 1223 | Thread Id: 24728 ] |
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 KruizinKombi
A.k.a.: Col
Bishop of Volkswagenism
Seriously Obsessed Cyber Dubber
Posts: 3493
Threads: 104
Registered: August 25th, 2002
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Location: Gippsland, Victoria
Theme: UltimaBB Pro Blue ( Default )
Mood: Indifferent
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| posted on October 10th, 2003 at 04:05 PM |
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Another email:
THE PARKING TICKET
I went to the shop the other day, and I was in there for only about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a police officer writing a parking ticket.
So I went up to him and said, "Come on, mate, how about giving a man a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called
him a biro sucking d**khead. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for worn tires! So I called him a piece of horse manure. He finished
the second ticket and put it on the windscreen with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket! This went on for about 20 minutes...The more I
abused him, the more infringement notices he wrote. I didn't care.
My car was parked around the corner.
Kruizin Kol
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 Peter Leonard
Super Moderator
Volatile
Posts: 1456
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Registered: April 18th, 2003
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Location: Perth
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| posted on October 10th, 2003 at 05:15 PM |
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HAAHAHAAH Kol, that was cruel. 
let sleeping dubs lie
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Boozer
Custom Title Time!
Demented But Determined
Posts: 1999
Threads: 129
Registered: December 30th, 2002
Member Is Offline
Location: Redland Bay, Brisbane
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Mood: What the crap?
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| posted on October 10th, 2003 at 06:41 PM |
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Nice!:thumb |
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Oasis
Custom Title Time!
Going alone...
Posts: 1806
Threads: 77
Registered: July 5th, 2003
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Location: Cammeray, Sydney
Theme: UltimaBB Pro Blue ( Default )
Mood: Deep
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| posted on October 12th, 2003 at 01:58 AM |
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English Subtitles Used in Hong Kong Films:
1. I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.
2. Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.
3. Gun wounds again?
4. Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.
5. A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.
6. Damn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken!
7. Take my advice, or I'll spank you without pants.
8. Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?
9. Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.
10. You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken.
11. I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!
12. You daring lousy guy.
13. Beat him out of recognizable shape!
14. I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!
15. Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.
16. The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?
17. How can you use my intestines as a gift?
18. This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum. I am sure you will not mind that I remove your manhoods and leave them out on the
dessert flour for your aunts to eat.
19. Yah-hah, evil spider woman! I have captured you by the short rabbits and can now deliver you violently to your gynecologist for a thorough
extermination.
20. Greetings, large black person. Let us not forget to form a team up together and go into the country to inflict the pain of our karate feets on
some ass of the giant lizard person.
(Edited to save space!  )
[Edited on 13-10-2003 by KruizinKombi]
"Tell him 'We've already got one'"
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Oasis
Custom Title Time!
Going alone...
Posts: 1806
Threads: 77
Registered: July 5th, 2003
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Location: Cammeray, Sydney
Theme: UltimaBB Pro Blue ( Default )
Mood: Deep
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| posted on October 12th, 2003 at 02:00 AM |
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A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading down the
>alley that had the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his sign
>stated: "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife turns to her
>husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from
>him."
>
>They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65
>times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one
>mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You can learn
>from this one, also."
>
>They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365
>times last year." The wife's mouth drops open and says, "WOW! He mated
>365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from
>this one."
>
>The man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and see if it was 365 times
>with the same cow."
"Tell him 'We've already got one'"
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Oasis
Custom Title Time!
Going alone...
Posts: 1806
Threads: 77
Registered: July 5th, 2003
Member Is Offline
Location: Cammeray, Sydney
Theme: UltimaBB Pro Blue ( Default )
Mood: Deep
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| posted on October 12th, 2003 at 02:05 AM |
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There are two blondes on either side of a river. One yells out, "How do I get to the other side?"
The other blonde replied... "You are on the other side."
[Edited on 11-10-2003 by Oasis]
"Tell him 'We've already got one'"
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amazer
Bishop of Volkswagenism
kombi pilot
Posts: 3187
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Registered: August 26th, 2002
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Location: Wollongong
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Mood: Peachy!
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| posted on October 13th, 2003 at 10:42 AM |
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The Lesser of Three Evils
George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the Devil is waiting for him.
I don't know what to do here, " says the devil. "You're on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here,
so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go,
but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed.
The devil opened the first room: in it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty-handed over and over and
over. Such was his fate in hell.
"No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and don't think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the next room and in it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after
time after time.
"No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony
if all I could do was break rocks all day!" said George.
The devil opened a third door. Inside, George saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in
spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."
The devil smiled and said, "OK, Monica, you're free to go!"
Chris.... kombi pilot, oval dreamer... finisher #26971 2005 city to surf
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modulus
A.k.a.: Peter Hill
Veteran Volks Folk
Posts: 2009
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Registered: July 1st, 2003
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Location: Melbourne
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| posted on October 13th, 2003 at 11:16 AM |
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Taken from a Year 12 Geography essay:
"Parts of the Sahara are so inhospitable that the locals have to live elsewhere."
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zac_smits
A.k.a.: Zac
Wolfsburg Elder
Coolest Person Ever!
Posts: 3634
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Registered: January 29th, 2003
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| posted on October 13th, 2003 at 05:06 PM |
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hahaha..very nice way to end a day of avd browsing. thanks guys |
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Black_math
Custom Title Time!
Blaupunkt
Posts: 1111
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Registered: September 11th, 2003
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Location: Hotel Yorba
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| posted on October 13th, 2003 at 05:27 PM |
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This is teh funniest post ever
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amazer
Bishop of Volkswagenism
kombi pilot
Posts: 3187
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Registered: August 26th, 2002
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Location: Wollongong
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Mood: Peachy!
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| posted on October 14th, 2003 at 10:42 AM |
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There was this virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it. So, the grandmother says, "Sit here
and let me tell you about those young boys.
He is going to try to kiss you, you are going to like that but, don't let him do that.
He is going to try to feel your breasts, you are going to like that but, don't let him do that.
He is going to try to put his hand between your legs, you are going to like that but, don't let him do that.
But most important, he is going to try to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going to like that, but don't let him do that, it
will disgrace the family."
With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date. Upon returning home, later that night, the girl could not wait to tell her grandmother
about the date. She told her grandmother that her date went just like she said. Then she noted, "I did not let him disgrace the family. When he
tried to do that, I just got on top of him and disgraced his family!"
Chris.... kombi pilot, oval dreamer... finisher #26971 2005 city to surf
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amazer
Bishop of Volkswagenism
kombi pilot
Posts: 3187
Threads: 308
Registered: August 26th, 2002
Member Is Offline
Location: Wollongong
Theme: UltimaBB Pro Blue ( Default )
Mood: Peachy!
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| posted on October 14th, 2003 at 10:45 AM |
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New Mothers
Maternity Clothes .....
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN
confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
Preparing for the Birth .....
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time,
breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.
The Layette .....
1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, colour-coordinate them, and
fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard
only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
Worries .....
1st baby: At the first sign of distress-a whimper, a frown -- you pick up
the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your
firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
Pacifier ....
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you
can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with
some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
Diapering .....
1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it
or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every 2 to 3 hours, if needed.
3rd: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about
the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
Activities .....
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby
Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
Going Out .....
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home
5 times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a
number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees
blood.
At Home .....
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isnt
squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
Swallowing Coins .....
1st child: when first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the
hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: when 2nd child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for coin to
pass.
3rd child: when 3rd child swallows a coin you deduct it from his
allowance!!
Chris.... kombi pilot, oval dreamer... finisher #26971 2005 city to surf
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amazer
Bishop of Volkswagenism
kombi pilot
Posts: 3187
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Registered: August 26th, 2002
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Location: Wollongong
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Mood: Peachy!
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| posted on October 14th, 2003 at 10:48 AM |
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A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. She is standing in front of a full length mirror taking a hard look at herself.
"You know love," she says, "I look in the mirror and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my boobs are barely above my waist,
my tush is hanging out a mile. I've got fat legs and my arms are all flabby." She turns to her husband and says, "Tell me something
positive to make me feel better about myself."
He thinks about it a bit and then says, "Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."
Chris.... kombi pilot, oval dreamer... finisher #26971 2005 city to surf
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buzzbug
A.k.a.: Mr X
Custom Title Time!
Praise the lowered
Posts: 1992
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Registered: March 7th, 2003
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Location: Sunshine Coast
Theme: UltimaBB Pro Blue ( Default )
Mood: low and slow in nowra NSW.
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| posted on October 14th, 2003 at 01:33 PM |
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Two dwarfs go into a bar one evening, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their seperate hotel rooms.
The first dwarf however, is unable to get an erection.
His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room he hears cries of "here i come again ONE, TWO, THREE....UGH!!" all night
long.
In the morning , the second dwarf asked the first "how did it go?".
The first muttered "it was so embarrassing, i simply couldn't get a hard on."
The second dwarf shook his head "you think that's embarrassing?"
"i couldn't even get on the fcuking bed...."
some people are like slinky's
they have no useful purpose
but they are fun to watch
when you push them down the stairs
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zac_smits
A.k.a.: Zac
Wolfsburg Elder
Coolest Person Ever!
Posts: 3634
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Theme: UltimaBB Pro Blue ( Default )
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| posted on October 14th, 2003 at 07:42 PM |
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heheh the pregnancy ones are funny
i got one for you
"what's black, white and sits at the bottom of a pool???"
a baby in a myers bag
one more
what's red, sits in the corner and is continually getting smaller?
a baby with a potato peeler.
someone said those to me at school today |
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baybuscamperkid
Compulsive Aussie Vee Dubber
prince of insufficient light, ruler of heck
Posts: 4316
Threads: 335
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Location: Victoria
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| posted on October 14th, 2003 at 08:15 PM |
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zac, ur sick, but u missed some: whats blue and yellow and sits onthe bottom of a pool? a baby with popped floaties
why couldnt the baby get through the doorway? because it had a javelin through its head
what is more fun then nailing a baby to a wall? pulling it back off
etc. etc...
Reimagined/Recycled/Upcycled Cool
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jenz58
Scirocco Rare
Postal Menace
Posts: 9121
Threads: 230
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Location: croydon, melbourne
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Mood: Cruisy
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| posted on October 14th, 2003 at 08:43 PM |
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OK this will do until I find some dirt on guys
Things That Are Difficult to Say When You're Drunk
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon
Things That Are VERY Difficult to Say When You're Drunk:
Specificity
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Transubstantiate
Things That Are Downright IMPOSSIBLE to Say When You're Drunk:
Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you
Nope, no more booze for me
Sorry, but you're not really my type
No kebab for me, thank you
Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
I'm not interested in fighting you.
Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing
No, I wont make any attempt to dance thanks, I have zero co-ordination.
Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to urinate over the nearest cash machine or shop front.
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Black_math
Custom Title Time!
Blaupunkt
Posts: 1111
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Registered: September 11th, 2003
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Location: Hotel Yorba
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| posted on October 14th, 2003 at 08:47 PM |
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MORRE BABY JOKES MORE BABY JOKES:thumb
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jenz58
Scirocco Rare
Postal Menace
Posts: 9121
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Location: croydon, melbourne
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| posted on October 14th, 2003 at 08:51 PM |
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No way baby:P
If it really was a mans world...
1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the arse and "Cheers for the sex - now f*** off" would pretty much do it.
2. Birth control would come in lager.
3. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29, so it would only occur in leap years.
4. On Mothers Day, you'd get the day off to go drinking.
5. Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps".
6. Tanks would be far easier to rent.
7. Every woman that worked would have to do so topless.
8. Every man would get four, real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.
9. Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
10. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen when the ball
goes out of play.
11. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to "I love you."
12. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
13. "Sorry, but I got wasted last night", would be an acceptable excuse for absence and/or poor time keeping.
14. Lifeguards could remove people from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.
15. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
16. Lager would have the same effect as Viagra.
17. "Fancy a shag" would be the only chat up line in existence and itwould work every time.
18. Everyone would drive at least 70mph and anyone driving under that would be fined.
19. Dinner break would happen every hour and the boss would hire in strippers and £2000 a night hookers for the duration of those breaks.
21. Harrier jump jets would take you to and from work.
22. Everyone would have a real Light Sabre and a fight to the death would settle any disagreements.
23. Vomiting after 20 pints would actually make you more attractive to the opposite sex.
24. When it was time to leave work, a whistle would sound and you'd get to slide down the back of a Brontosaurus like Fred Flintstone.
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jenz58
Scirocco Rare
Postal Menace
Posts: 9121
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Location: croydon, melbourne
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Mood: Cruisy
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| posted on October 14th, 2003 at 09:21 PM |
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Amazer another one:thumb
DE-MERIT POINT SYSTEM USED BY WOMEN
(The code is finally broken-the demerit system is no longer a
mystery!) For all you guys out there who just can't figure it
out, here it is:
In the world of romance, one single rule applies:
Make the woman happy. Do something she likes & you get points. Do
something she dislikes & points are subtracted. You don't get any
points for doing something she expects... Sorry, but that's the way
the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system.
SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed..................................................+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.........0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.......................-1
You leave the toilet seat up......................................-5
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty.................0
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex........-1
When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom..-2
You check out a suspicious noise at night ........................0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing..................0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something...............+5
You pummel it with a six iron....................................+10
SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party.....0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college
drinking buddy..................................................-2
Named Tiffany...................................................-4
Tiffany is a dancer.............................................-6
Tiffany has implants............................................-8
HER BIRTHDAY
You take her out to dinner......................................0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar ...........+1
Okay, it is a sports bar.......................................-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night.................................-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is
painted the colors of your favorite team......................-10
THOUGHTFULNESS
You forget her birthday completely.............................-20
You forget your anniversary....................................-30
You forget to pick her up at the bus station...................-45
Which is in Newark, New Jersey.................................-50
And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast....................-60
A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie........................................+2
You take her to a movie she likes...............................+4
You take her to a movie you hate ..............................+6
You take her to a movie you like................................-2
It's called DeathCop 3..........................................-3
Which features cyborgs having sex...............................-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans..........-15
FLOWERS
You buy her flowers only when it's expected..................... 0
You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it ....+20
You give her wildflowers you've actually picked yourself .....+30
And she contracts Lyme disease................................-25
YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable potbelly.................................-15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it...+1
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy
Hawaiian shirts...................................................-30
You say "I don't care because you have one too".................-800
FINANCES
You spend a lot of money on something impractical................. -5
Something she can't use...........................................-10
Such as a motorized model airplane................................-20
And she got a small appliance for her birthday....................-40
DRIVING
You lost the directions on a trip.................................-4
You lost the directions and end up getting lost...................-10
You end up getting lost in a bad part of town ....................-15
You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close and
personal.........-25
You know them.....................................................-60
THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look fat?" .......................................-5
(Sensitive questions always start with a deficit) You hesitate in
responding........................................................-10
You reply, "Where?"..............................................-35
COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what
looks like a concerned expression...................................0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes...........+5
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV....+10
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep.................-50
Well I liked the Stock Show one until the last line
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jenz58
Scirocco Rare
Postal Menace
Posts: 9121
Threads: 230
Registered: August 26th, 2002
Member Is Offline
Location: croydon, melbourne
Theme: UltimaBB Pro Blue ( Default )
Mood: Cruisy
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| posted on October 14th, 2003 at 09:30 PM |
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OK a shot at Lawyers
Who Said Lawyers Had A Way With Words?
The following are questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials in the US and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful
witnesses.
"Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"
"The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?"
"Were you present when your picture was taken?"
"Were you alone or by yourself?"
"Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"
"Did he kill you?"
"How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"
"You were there until the time you left, is that true?"
"How many times have you committed suicide?"
Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "And what were you doing at that time?"
Q: "She had three children, right?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "How many were boys?"
A: "None."
Q: "Were there any girls?"
Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"
Q: "Mr Slatery, you went on an elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?"
A: "I went to Europe, Sir."
Q: "And you took your new wife?"
Q: "How was your first marriage terminated?"
A: "By death."
Q: "And by who's death was it terminated?"
Q: "Can you describe the individual?"
A: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
Q: "Was this a male, or a female?"
Q: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"
A: "No, this is how I dress when I go to work."
Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
A: "All my autopsies are performed on dead people."
Q: "All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?"
A: "Oral."
Q: "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?"
A: "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m."
Q: "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?"
A: "No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy."
Q: "You were not shot in the fracas?"
A: "No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel."
Q: "Are you qualified to give a urine sample?"
A: "I have been since early childhood."
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Black_math
Custom Title Time!
Blaupunkt
Posts: 1111
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Registered: September 11th, 2003
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| posted on October 15th, 2003 at 06:26 PM |
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http://www.badgerbadgerbadger.com/
BADGERS BADGERS BADGERS
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jenz58
Scirocco Rare
Postal Menace
Posts: 9121
Threads: 230
Registered: August 26th, 2002
Member Is Offline
Location: croydon, melbourne
Theme: UltimaBB Pro Blue ( Default )
Mood: Cruisy
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| posted on October 15th, 2003 at 10:50 PM |
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Does it just keep going or does something happen when you are least expecting it it:o
I'm expecting something to happen suddenly:jesus but nothing happening
It's very cute at first but I'm ready to kill it now:vader
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jenz58
Scirocco Rare
Postal Menace
Posts: 9121
Threads: 230
Registered: August 26th, 2002
Member Is Offline
Location: croydon, melbourne
Theme: UltimaBB Pro Blue ( Default )
Mood: Cruisy
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| posted on October 15th, 2003 at 11:00 PM |
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Make sure you watch this one in action :thumb
http://www.thechapmagazine.com/Trousers/semaphore.html#
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Oasis
Custom Title Time!
Going alone...
Posts: 1806
Threads: 77
Registered: July 5th, 2003
Member Is Offline
Location: Cammeray, Sydney
Theme: UltimaBB Pro Blue ( Default )
Mood: Deep
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| posted on October 16th, 2003 at 01:53 AM |
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That trouser semaphore thing is beautiful Jenz. It looks like John Cleese's ministry of silly walks
"Tell him 'We've already got one'"
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jenz58
Scirocco Rare
Postal Menace
Posts: 9121
Threads: 230
Registered: August 26th, 2002
Member Is Offline
Location: croydon, melbourne
Theme: UltimaBB Pro Blue ( Default )
Mood: Cruisy
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| posted on October 16th, 2003 at 10:09 AM |
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I cracked up when I played it!!
OK another one I've just emailed
http://www.blogjam.com/despot_or_sexpot/
Can you tell the difference??
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amazer
Bishop of Volkswagenism
kombi pilot
Posts: 3187
Threads: 308
Registered: August 26th, 2002
Member Is Offline
Location: Wollongong
Theme: UltimaBB Pro Blue ( Default )
Mood: Peachy!
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| posted on October 16th, 2003 at 11:14 AM |
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A Charlotte, NC lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month of having
smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed a claim
against the insurance company.
In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires". The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious
reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued...And won! In delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the
insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had
warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be
unacceptable fire, and was obligated to pay the claim.
Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the
rare cigars lost in the "fires".
After the lawyer cashed the cheque, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from
the previous case used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in gaol and
a
$24,000 fine.
Chris.... kombi pilot, oval dreamer... finisher #26971 2005 city to surf
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Oasis
Custom Title Time!
Going alone...
Posts: 1806
Threads: 77
Registered: July 5th, 2003
Member Is Offline
Location: Cammeray, Sydney
Theme: UltimaBB Pro Blue ( Default )
Mood: Deep
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| posted on October 16th, 2003 at 11:24 AM |
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Damn, only 9/16 Jenz. I obviously don't know my dictators...
"Tell him 'We've already got one'"
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jenz58
Scirocco Rare
Postal Menace
Posts: 9121
Threads: 230
Registered: August 26th, 2002
Member Is Offline
Location: croydon, melbourne
Theme: UltimaBB Pro Blue ( Default )
Mood: Cruisy
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| posted on October 16th, 2003 at 08:56 PM |
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LOL
I did better than that:P
Think it's in the lips (snear or smirk), the grooming of mustache, and possibly signs of a fake hollywood tan as well:jesus
My goodness I did takle the test seriously, I do have to get a life:o
Wanna know how serious I can be? Go to this next link *jenz smirks*
http://maddox.xmission.com/26_things.html
I figure I take up less space with links:thumb
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Oasis
Custom Title Time!
Going alone...
Posts: 1806
Threads: 77
Registered: July 5th, 2003
Member Is Offline
Location: Cammeray, Sydney
Theme: UltimaBB Pro Blue ( Default )
Mood: Deep
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| posted on October 18th, 2003 at 01:42 AM |
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Ahem, very good, in fact bloody good but only marginally true.... although I reckon I know that guy in the email
A jewish guy gets hit by a car and someone rushes over to him and checks his vital signs, puts him in the recovery position and puts a blanket over
him, then asks him, "Are you comfortable?" The Jewish man shrugs his shoulders and replies... "I make a living..."
"Tell him 'We've already got one'"
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