A.k.a.: Dean
Son of Jim - Creator of Good
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posted on February 5th, 2003 at 01:53 PM
Funny Stuff - non VW
Here's a chuckle found in the email today. Now I better get back to work before I get sprung surfing the net and they give me the arse.
Hope this makes you smile......
EVER WONDER where we are headed? ...
...why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
...why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
...why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
...why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
...why doctors call what they do "practice"?
...why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?
...why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
...why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?
...why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?
...who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?
...why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
...why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
...why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box ?
...why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
...why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
...if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
...why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?
AND...
In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Myer hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)
On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce
the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Nobby's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash!)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable
you to fly."
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
Unity-28
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posted on February 5th, 2003 at 02:12 PM
Ive seen that b4, but it still makes me laugh!!!!!
hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe
N!
fatboy
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posted on February 5th, 2003 at 04:05 PM
This made me laugh
Yesterday, a friend was travelling on a Rome to Melbourne. A man of
Arabic appearance got off the plane and my friend noticed that he
had left his bag behind. She grabbed the bag and ran after him,
caught up with him in the terminal and handed him back his bag. He
was extremely grateful and reached into his bag which appeared to
contain large bundles of money. He looked around to make sure nobody
was looking and whispered "I can never repay your kindness, but I
will try to....with a word of advice for you: Stay away from
Frankston". My friend was genuinely terrified.
"Is there going to be a terrorist attack?" she asked him.
"No ... ", he whispered back...... "It's a Sh1t H0le "
[Edited on 5-2-2003 by fatboy]
" Captain Picard, why are there no Indians on the Enterprise ? Don't you need IT Support ? "
jenz58
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posted on February 5th, 2003 at 07:38 PM
LOL Good on ya you two:thumb
Poor Frankston:jesus
Tazzielittle
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