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 rose
Veteran Volks Folk
doin it for d girls
Posts: 2036
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Registered: December 26th, 2004
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Location: Maryland - Newcastle
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| posted on December 16th, 2008 at 09:23 PM |
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funny email I received today
Oil Change Instructionsm
Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Drive into Ultra Tune when the odometer reaches 10,000 kilometres since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee , read free paper.
3) 30 minutes later, write a cheque and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change: $40.00
Coffee: $2.00
Total: $42.00
Oil Change instructions for Men:
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a cheque for
$50.00.
2) Stop by the Bottle Shop and buy a slab of beer, write a cheque for $40, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under caravan.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Curse and swear.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly, hide old oil filter among rubbish in wheely bin
to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first litre of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first litre of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening
drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin swearing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Swear for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Cleanup hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh litres of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car is impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2400.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $40.00
Total: $4,085.00
But you know the job was done right!
SEND THIS TO WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH . . . . . AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT.
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trickysimon
A.k.a.: Simon Azzopardi
Custom Title Time!
100km/h is only 9 seconds away
Posts: 1473
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Registered: December 15th, 2007
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| posted on December 16th, 2008 at 09:32 PM |
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I didn't know you were stalking me 
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 helbus
A.k.a.: Pete S
Super Administrator
Mad fabricator, paint and body
Posts: 7386
Threads: 312
Registered: September 1st, 2002
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| posted on December 16th, 2008 at 09:53 PM |
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I see a flaw with this process.
A man is more likely to do the change at 10,000 miles. A woman just drives and thinks the nice red light with 'OIL' on it means the oil is all good.
No oil change for woman, just a seized engine.
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VWCOOL
23 Windows of Awesome
Posts: 5158
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Registered: June 19th, 2003
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Location: In the shed... Lake Macquarie NSW
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| posted on December 16th, 2008 at 10:16 PM |
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OIL? I thought it said 710?!
Pay your debts, CxxT
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donn
Wolfsburg Elder
Posts: 3515
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Location: NEWCASTLE NSW
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| posted on December 17th, 2008 at 04:23 AM |
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$4085.00, not quite correct, you get the $1500.00 bail money back when you attend court, therefore it only costs $2585.00, much better than your
estimate.
I dream of a day when a chicken can cross a road without being asked for it's motive!
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trickysimon
A.k.a.: Simon Azzopardi
Custom Title Time!
100km/h is only 9 seconds away
Posts: 1473
Threads: 43
Registered: December 15th, 2007
Member Is Offline
Location: Wagga Wagga
Theme: UltimaBB Pro Blue ( Default )
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| posted on December 17th, 2008 at 11:27 AM |
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Im not gunna ask how you know that
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donn
Wolfsburg Elder
Posts: 3515
Threads: 428
Registered: November 30th, 2005
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Location: NEWCASTLE NSW
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Mood: LAID BACK AND CONFUSED
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| posted on December 17th, 2008 at 02:55 PM |
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Ha ha, remember the schoolies advice I gave you Simon
I dream of a day when a chicken can cross a road without being asked for it's motive!
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