Told the missus what happened while she was out. She's not very happy. She was the one who showed the offending article to my daughter. A bit of education as to how some people lived back then. Dont think she had any idea that my daughter would find it appealing. I'm sure the kid will grow out of it in a day or so when she is told to clean her room though.
You want the patented Spook guide to getting children to clean their room?
When Damien was 7 or 8, I asked him " are you going to clean that room or am I?"
Being ever the smartarse, he said "you do it".
I walked to the kitchen, got a black garbage bag, walked into his room.
With the exception of shoes, which DO belong on the floor, everything went in this bag. Clothes, books, toys & anything else that happened to be on the floor.
Then I walked back in the loungeroom & threw the bag in the fire & made him watch it burn, with the comment "well none of that will have to be picked up a second time."
He's 16 now, & if I say can you do something with that room, I can consider it done.
Well my friends are gone & my hair is grey, I ache in the places where I used to play.
The Definition Of WIFE..!
WASHING
IRONING
FOOD
& finally....
ENTERTAINMENT.....!!!!!!!!!!😂
I just know I'm dead when the better half reads this..!!:duh
...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
The TONG-MASTER.
For blokey blokes everywhere. Griff , Joel and I were at the barbecue; three men standing around a barbecue, sipping beer, staring at sausages, rolling them backwards and forwards, never leaving them alone. We didn't know why we were at the barbecue, we were just drawn there like moths to a flame. The barbecue was a powerful gravitational force, a man-magnet.
Joel said the thin ones could use a turn, I said yeah I reckon the thin ones could use a turn, Griff said yeah they really need a turn -it was a unanimous turning decision. Griff was the Tong- master, a true artist, he gave a couple of practice snaps of his long silver tongs, SNAP SNAP, before moving in, prodding, teasing, and with an elegant flick of his wrist, rolling them onto their little backs. A lesser tong-man would've flicked too hard; the sausages would've gone full circle, back to where they started.
Nice, I said. The others went yeah.
Kevin was passing us, he heard the siren-song- sizzle of the snags, the barbecue was calling, beckoning, Kevinnnnn, come. He stuck his head in and said any room? We said yeah and began the barbecue shuffle; Griff shuffled to the left, Joel shuffled to the left, I shuffled to the left, Kevin slipped in beside me, we sipped our beer. Now there were four of us staring at sausages, and Griff gave me the nod, my cue. I was second-in-command and I had to take the raw sausages out of the plastic bag and lay them on the barbecue; not too close together, not too far apart, curl them into each other's bodies like lovers -fat ones, thin ones, herbed and continental. The chipolatas were tiny, they could easily slip down between the grill, falling into the molten hot- bead-netherworld below. Carefully I laid them sideways ACROSS the grill, clever thinking.
Griff snapped his tongs with approval, there was no greater barbecue honour.
P.J. came along, he said looking good, looking good -the irresistible lure of the barbecue had pulled him in too. We said yeah and did the shuffle, left, left, left, left, he slipped in beside Kevin, and we sipped our beer. Five men, lots of sausages. Joel was the Fork-pronger; he had the fork that pronged the tough hides of the Bavarian bratwursts and he showed lots of promise. Stabbing away eagerly, leaving perfect little vampire holes up and down the casing. P.J. was shaking his head, he said I reckon they cook better if you don't poke them. There was a long silence, you could have heard a chipolata drop; this new- comer was a rabble-rouser, bringing in his crazy ideas from outside. He didn't understand the hierarchy; first the Tong-master, then the Sausage-layer, then the Fork-pronger and everyone below was just a watcher. Maybe eventually they'll move up the ladder, but for now - don't rock the Weber.
Dianne popped her head in; hmmm, smells good, she said. She was trying to jostle into the circle; we closed ranks, pulling our heads down and our shoulders in, mumbling yeah yeah yeah, but making no room for her. She was keen, going round to the far side of the barbecue, heading for the only available space, the gap in the circle where all the smoke and ashes blew. Nobody could survive the gap; Dianne was going to try. She stood there stubbornly, smoke blinding her eyes, ashes filling her nostrils, sausage fat spattering all over her arms and face. Until she couldn't take it anymore, she gave up, backed off. Kevin waited till she was gone and sipped his beer. We sipped our beer. She deserved that, yeah.
Griff handed me his tongs. I looked at him and he nodded. I knew what was happening, I'd waited a long time for this moment -the abdication. The tongs weighed heavy in my hands, firm in my grip- was I ready for the responsibility? Yes, I was. I held them up high and they glinted in the sun. Don't forget to turn the thin ones Griff said as he walked away from the barbecue, disappearing toward the house. Yeah I called back, I will, I will.
I snapped them twice, SNAP SNAP, before moving in, prodding, teasing, and with an elegant flick of my wrist, rolling them back onto their little bellies. I was a natural, I was the TONG- MASTER.
Until Griff got back from the toilet that is!!
'Ah, whatever................'
ahhh penguin... that story and amazers original post have no doubt got all the males on this forum beating their manly (scrawny) hairy (carpeted) chests with testosterone-fueled approval...
go my friends... back into the jungle where you can swing naked through the trees, kill small furry animals and pick bugs out of eachothers hair.
p.s. this thread is funny 😀
in the beginning, the universe was created.
this made alot of people very angry and is widely regarded as a bad move.
lol,
someone has to post all these things I get at work!!
Pity I can't post a pdf file I have on rules for the shed. I reckon Hellbus needs it right about now to set ground rules for his new domain!
'Ah, whatever................'
bugeyedbabe wrote:I"LL WIN...DAMMIT!!
:thumb:P
NEVER... FOR I AM A LESBIAN TRAPPED IN A MANS BODY!!!
All the girls i work with are gay, and they told me that apparently i'm not manly enough to be considered a male... so they said i'm an honorary lesbian in a mans body HAHA!!
I don't know who to fight anymore... garrgh... it's so confusing! :duh
"Mr Writer, why don't you tell it like it is? Why don't you tell it like it REALLY is?" - stereophonics
penguin - i turned your ode to barbeque into a performance in high school... top marks too!
fekkinell wrote:NEVER... FOR I AM A LESBIAN TRAPPED IN A MANS BODY!!!
keep on dreaming fekkinell... keep on dreaming:kiss
in the beginning, the universe was created.
this made alot of people very angry and is widely regarded as a bad move.
fekkinell wrote:All the girls i work with are gay, and they told me that apparently i'm not manly enough to be considered a male... so they said i'm an honorary lesbian in a mans body HAHA!!
Its just their way of saying....ur too ugly, and they're not that desperate. :P
okay, its really just that they wanted to confuse u with horrid little mind games...looks like they suceeded.
dubless. 🥲
🥷 And who the helled parked the Mitsubishi "Prancer" under my house??? 🥷
I haven't read all of this, but it is fun.
These days things ARE different because both have to work to afford our modern lifestyles.
But I think that when you are in love, you each want to share the load a little,
and each person finds the natural task that they are designed to do.
Sometimes the man becomes Mr Mom.
Us men are naturally lazy so we do need a kick up the bum sometimes,
but we also need our own space sometimes as do the ladies.
But we all need some lovin', and you have to be happy when this happens.
westi wrote:That's mad Alan.
I loved being Mr Mum and taking the kid to school, helping out with reading, writing and sport. Top Life! Thats the only thing I did like about being a uni student. I'd do it again if SHE would go out and get a second job. But she refuses to work 5 days in her current one so that wont be happening anytime soon. Might have been different in 1955 before washing machines had microchips, but housewives these days dont have much to complain about other than the quality of daytime TV.
Ya know I only started this thread to see femmo bra buirners rip their tops off and dance around the fire.
amazeer wrote:Ya know I only started this thread to see femmo bra buirners rip their tops off and dance around the fire.
aww but uknowwho can't get online atm :P
Though nowadays with the price of bananas very few can afford to burn thier bras.... :sandrine
I reckon that is the ideal lifestyle ...... Staying at home, playing with the kiddies, cooking, tying ribbons in your hair. Sounds far better than getting up each morning before the sun battling the traffic, getting into the office, being harrased by my seriously deranged staff, having to deal with whiny patients and their families .......
I say bring back the past !
🤘
hmmm might have to take up a collection at VW shows raising money for a laptop with wireless data card for youknowwho so there can be no excuses.
oh there is an exception to every rule. I hated doing the hair in a bun thing and taking the kid to ballet practice twice a week.... The other mums and instructors thought I was pretty special though.
[ Edited on 30-8-2006 by amazeer ]
Craig Paton wrote:The Definition Of WIFE..!
WASHING
IRONING
FOOD
& finally....
ENTERTAINMENT.....!!!!!!!!!!😂
I just know I'm dead when the better half reads this..!!:duh
I've heard this before, but the F stood for something different
😎, and the E stood for Etcetera.
"Tell him 'We've already got one'"
bugeyedbabe wrote:Its just their way of saying....ur too ugly, and they're not that desperate. :P
okay, its really just that they wanted to confuse u with horrid little mind games...looks like they suceeded.
MEOW... hiss scratch... interesting concept... but i don't tend to chase girls for them to need to confuse me..
for that matter i don't chase anybody....
mainly cos people annoy me... but that's another story alltogether :P
"Mr Writer, why don't you tell it like it is? Why don't you tell it like it REALLY is?" - stereophonics
amazeer wrote:.... The other mums and instructors thought I was pretty special though.
[ Edited on 30-8-2006 by amazeer ]
i think ur special...but only in a way ur mummy would agree too....'ur so speeechaaal Chris'
:kiss
dubless. 🥲
🥷 And who the helled parked the Mitsubishi "Prancer" under my house??? 🥷
Everything has an explanation
Well my friends are gone & my hair is grey, I ache in the places where I used to play.
$2.63 homebrand baja wrote:[Though nowadays with the price of bananas very few can afford to burn thier bras.... :sandrine
yes, indeed homebrand, indeed.
as for all the other shit..... this is why valium exists.... the only way to whitewash the horrors of a cruel cruel world.
:tree ps i never really get the chance to use this xmas tree thingy, so why not now i say!
.
Starbug wrote:The good husbands/boyfriends guide:
8) oggling girls with big boobs on the sidewalk while we are in the car doesnt piss us off, it makes us feel very sorry for you...
[ Edited on 28-8-06 by Starbug ]
my girlfriend loves to look as much as i do.. she has a thing for good lookin girls with large breasts..
hmmm what man doesn't..
😉 i am a lucky man.. :thumb
fractal geometry; the inner most limits of mind altering abuse
Fantasy
http://seventhchronicle.com
Z = Z2 + C1/r = 1/0 = infinity
Barrels
www.barrelman.com.au
VW Workshop - aircooledgarage.com.au
allcooled.com.au
lil dub wrote::tree ps i never really get the chance to use this xmas tree thingy, so why not now i say!
Ok miss, I'll take that Xmas tree and raise it by 2 snazzy merkins. Nothing shouts out 'hey fellas, I'm a lAyDiIiEeeeEE' better, than a flash of sequins and a clump of bathtub drain fuzz :thumb
[ Edited on 1-9-06 by $2.63 homebrand baja ]
okay...
i think we have offically oversteps the general chitchat rules...move this thread to BA...so we can really start paying out on amazeer...
ps: for the record....she ^^^^ started it
dubless. 🥲
🥷 And who the helled parked the Mitsubishi "Prancer" under my house??? 🥷
Who gives a toss.
I know some women who recon the so called bad ol days were not that bad at all. They were good workers and got their house work done early, after the kids and hubby were off to school and work and the house work done it was off to the mall to meet up with friends at the cafe in David Jones cinemon toast, cut sandwiches and all sorts of yummy cakes! Then off specials shopping in the specialty stores, this lasted for a couple of hours and then it was Lunch time, at the ferry pier cafe huge salad rolls or fish and chips, more chin waggin with the girls from the home street (ppl actualy knew others in their street back then) or their own mum, then back home to get the oven happening for the night time meal. Usually they had a friend over yarning about local business (gossip) while they peeled spuds or strung the beans.
Hubby gets home after the 6 Oclock swill, dinners on the table and the main topic of conversation was what naughty things the kids had done for the day and what form of punishment is going to be handed out. Father watches the 7 oclock news on the ABC and a couple of other programs, while mum is on the phone to one of the friends or her mother The kids are sent to bed before 8 oclock then its disscussion time for the couple. This goes on most days of the week.
Saturday comes around and after work (6 day weeks back then) dad picks up the wife and kids and takes them to the pub, dad goes into the front bar mum goes into the "lounge" and the kids get up to mischeif in the car park, dad brings out the occasional lemon squash. The lounge was the place to be, women didnt have to put up with vulgar swearing, groping and all the lies and bullshit macho stories that went on in the front bar, it was a realatively safe place to have a drink, and a bitch about what a looser hubby is!
I know all this cause that was my parents, and mum recons it was great. The only complaint was that women were not treated equaly cause they didnt contribute to the family money tree. I can see their point, but in those days it was possible to service a mortgage and daily life on a single income, and my father always made it a habit to tell her that she did a great job, and I tell and still do tell mum that you could never have enough money to pay for the love and nurturing you get from MY MUM.
Rob...
Boxer Power
Member of DMLRK.....Die Mittler Lebuns Resto Komeradschaft
Ok, in light of what beb said, I do agree I have not been posting the most appealing of material, perhaps my language has been a tad vulgar and 'over the top'. I know I will never find a man to marry if I carry on in such a fashion. I don't have hairy armpits nor am against a 'home cooked meal'. As this is General Chitchat and this is a VW forum, I thought it best to go back and modify my posts within this thread, edit the parts which were rated M over G. I wouldn't want to offend anyone in this forum, as some of you know I am easygoing and adaptable.
Yes rob it was the golden age for women, I just pity the ones trapped in a loveless degrading relationship as they had children, no work skills or alternate source of income to become self sufficient enough to live a life they deserve. Not to mention provide their children the secure loving upbringing they required. Some things have changed, but there is a long way to go yet 🥷
I very nearly bought you an early christmas present this mornin. There's a poster sale on at the uni and there was a very tasty portrait of the Hoff and the car. Shirt draped open with manly chest exposed. Across the bottom in large 80's style font the word "HUNK". If only I had time to stop in....
gawd dammit homebrand youre a lying skanky hoe har!!!! she sent me a txt message saying there were cheap merkins up for grabs on aussieveedubbers.... something about buy 2 and get a pot of nads hair removal goop?
and all i get is GERBRAS????? cmon!!!! waaaaah. i got my internet reconnected for this????
ps. i actually thought we WERE in BA..... its all amazers fault, dirty tic tac pimp, lured us into a false sense of security.
pps. rob. whatever the truth is of your warped childhood, i suggest you seek counselling. UR MUM IS LYING. get her a copy of the 'womens room' and whatever germaine greer has vommitted up lately, me thinks she was living in some kind of of world of pain where 'protecting' you was the only option she had. am sure there are plenty of lucky ladies living out there with platinum c.cards and days of aimlessly wandering round westfields while the hired help scrubs the toilets and the ***** **** ***8 (self censored for the sake of general chit chat) but really!!!
finally, heather, here is your take home gift: :rudolf another one of those weird things to the right of my text box thatnever seems quite appropriate (seems i only use the spewing icon)
.
I think germaine is HOTSTUFF tew, I'd do her fur sure..... :duh ahem, crap, poo, there goes my attempt to be a lady...fooooooooof,,, out the window, There are indeed plenty of ladies out there wandering about the 'boutiques' trying to fill the hole......... man thorun stop it ur making my pit hairs grow. I told you I am devolving, I wanna be a laAyYdIeE, I want to do ladylike things, I like kittens and flowers and need to hang around other ladies and swap spongecake recipies... I can't be your friend anymore, you are a bad influence 🙅
mmm amazer, get me one of those posters, I'll u2u my address, will look great in the pool room :thumb
now that i have figured out how to put up pictures.... this was gunna be me "witty yet g-rated" reply to the heathen, tic tac junkie, date raping amazer's post :
.
i meant to say: (in my oh so femist way with a cutting look and a stare of disdain and i look down at you from my castle of unshaven armpit hairs)
"lets hope the poor bitches reading 'womans quaterly' had access to alternative forms o media" ... like zines... and community radio... and the web... it was the 50s an all...
.
