Subject: Engineers
Understanding Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across the campus when one said,"Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer
replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,"Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted."
Understanding Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers - Take Three
A priest, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's
with these people? We've been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor
chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! "
The priest said, "Hey, here comes the green keeper. Let's have a word with
him." "Hi George, what's the matter that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?" The green keeper replied, "Oh, yes,
that's a group of blind fire-fighters. They lost their sight
saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them
play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. Then
the priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special
prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm
going to contact my ophthalmologist friend and see if there is
anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Four
A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced
altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted,
"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him
an hour ago, but I don't know where I am." The woman below replied,
"You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet
above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and
between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude." "You must be an
engineer," said the balloonist. "I am," replied the woman, "How
did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you
told me is, technically correct, but I have no idea what to make
of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly,
you've not been much help so far."
The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where
you are going. You have risen to where you are due to a large
quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you have no idea how to keep,
and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The
fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but
now, somehow, it's my fault."
Understanding Engineers - Take Five
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons.
Civil Engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers - Take Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a
mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous
system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last
said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run toxic
waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
Normal people ... believe that if it isn't broken, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it isn't broken, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether
it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The
architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid
foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he
enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" Replied the architect and artist.
"Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume
you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the
lab and get some work done."
Understanding Engineers - Take Nine
One day, an engineer was crossing a road when a frog called out
to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The
frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back
into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to
the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back
into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it
back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter?
I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, I'll stay with you for a
week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look. I'm an engineer. I don't have time for
a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
s1fter Slammed & Awesome Dubber
98 posts · joined Jan 2003 ·
