Skip to content
Aussieveedubbers

Penis Facts \"READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL\"

0 likes
Share Share on Facebook Share on X Share on Reddit
Log in to reply

vern74 Fahrvergnugen

901 posts · joined Jan 2004 ·

#247538
ooops
yeah I just read what I typed previously

All I can say is .....well nothing really
Have already said more than enuf

I am sure you aren't embarrassed Jenz !

vern74 Fahrvergnugen

901 posts · joined Jan 2004 ·

#247541
maybe I could say


Its more of a man thing really !

Sound familiar 😀

vern74 Fahrvergnugen

901 posts · joined Jan 2004 ·

#247543
Nope I wouldn't do that to ya
And besides its out there now ....not the penis
Just the comment
And I am just digging myself deeper and deeper::blah

vw54 Administrator Always Waiting 4 Friday

16,723 posts · joined Aug 2002 ·

#247545
Jen i dont think u should post any more comments on the thread

leave it to the 100% of men who say that they dont do things in private ... LOL :duh😎
I read it on FACEBOOK so it must be true


http://forums.aussieveedubbers.com/viewtopic.php?tid=91278&page=1#pid848630


http://forums.aussieveedubbers.com/viewtopic.php?tid=63561&page=1#pid624099


http://forums.aussieveedubbers.com/viewtopic.php?tid=4832&page=1#pid452603


http://forums.aussieveedubbers.com/viewtopic.php?tid=60650&page=1#pid574409

vern74 Fahrvergnugen

901 posts · joined Jan 2004 ·

#247551
Holy Sh*t
Aren't we supposed to admit to it ?

zac_smits Coolest Person Ever!

3,634 posts · joined Jan 2003 ·

#247660
Posted by vern74

And I am just digging myself deeper and deeper:
I know! We'll dig our way out.*dig*Dig*dig*
No dig up Stupid!!

(sorry..i watch the simpsons a bit too much i think...)

zac

[Edited on 17-10-2004 by zac_smits]
MOB: 0423890217

sand kombi Officially Full-On Dubber

345 posts · joined Feb 2003 ·

#247750
Male Vs. Female Objects



In foreign languages, all objects are considered either masculine or feminine. Here's a look at which way some objects should go:

ZIPLOC BAGS - male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.

SWISS ARMY KNIFE - male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.

KIDNEYS - female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs. SHOE - male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.

COPIER - female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. Because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed. Because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.

TIRE - male, because it goes bald and often is over inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOON - male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it... and, of course, there's the hot air part.

SPONGES - female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGE - female, because it is always getting hit on.

SUBWAY - male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

HOURGLASS - female, because over time the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMER - male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

REMOTE CONTROL - female... Ha! You thought I'd say male. But consider, it gives man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.
MIKE.
VW'S DON'T LEAK OIL, THEY JUST LEAVE THEIR MARK !!!

sand kombi Officially Full-On Dubber

345 posts · joined Feb 2003 ·

#247751
Rules for bedroom golf

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club and two balls.
2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out of the hole.

4. For most effective play, the club should be a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.

5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.

6. The object of this game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that the play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.

7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course, with special attention to well-formed bunkers.

8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played or are playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage players' equipment for this reason.

9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own protection.

10. Players should assure themselves that their match has been scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they consider to be a private course.

11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to find alternative means of play when this is the case.

12. The course owner is responsible for the manicuring and pruning of any bush around the hole to allow for improved viewing of, alignment with and approach to the hole.

13. Players are advised to obtain the course owner's permission before attempting to play the back nine.

14. Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to proceedat a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owner's request.

15. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.

16. The course owner will be the sole judge of who is the best player.
MIKE.
VW'S DON'T LEAK OIL, THEY JUST LEAVE THEIR MARK !!!

sand kombi Officially Full-On Dubber

345 posts · joined Feb 2003 ·

#247758
Rules for Women
previous | back to text humor | next



This is a list of rules that guys wished women knew...

(In response to the popular "A Woman's 50 Rules for Men")

1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.

2. Don't cut your hair. Ever.

3. Don't make us guess.

4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

5. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.

6. He's never thinking about "The Relationship."

7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.

8. Dogs are better than cats.

9. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

10. Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time.

11. Anything you wear is fine. Really.

12. You have enough clothes.

13. You have too many shoes.

14. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.

15. Your brother is an idiot.

16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.

17. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.

18. Share the bathroom

19. Share the closet.

20. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

22. Nothing says 'I love you' like sex in the morning.

23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

24. Check your oil.

25. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

26. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.

27. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

28. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.

29. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

30. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.

31. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

32. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?

33. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

34. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not both.

35. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

36. Don't make 50 rules when 36 will do.

But we still love you all:kiss
MIKE.
VW'S DON'T LEAK OIL, THEY JUST LEAVE THEIR MARK !!!

sand kombi Officially Full-On Dubber

345 posts · joined Feb 2003 ·

#247761
Sorry I can't find the rules for men

If you have them post them, AND NO FAIRYTALE ONES:blah
MIKE.
VW'S DON'T LEAK OIL, THEY JUST LEAVE THEIR MARK !!!

sand kombi Officially Full-On Dubber

345 posts · joined Feb 2003 ·

#247762
The Advantages of Being a Man :jesus


1. Your last name stays put.
2. The garage is all yours.

3. Wedding plans take care of themselves.

4. Chocolate is just another snack.

5. You can be president.

6. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

8. The world is your urinal.

9. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.

10. Same work, more pay.

11. Wrinkles add character.

12. Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.

13. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

14. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

15. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

16. One mood, ALL the damn time.

17. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

18. You know stuff about tanks.

19. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

20. You can open all your own jars.

21. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

22. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

23. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

24. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

25. Everything on your face stays its original color.

26. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

27. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

28. You almost never have strap problems in public.

29. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

30. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

31. You don't have to shave below your neck.

32. Your belly usually hides your big hips.

33. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color all seasons.

34. You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.

35. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

36. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes.
MIKE.
VW'S DON'T LEAK OIL, THEY JUST LEAVE THEIR MARK !!!

zac_smits Coolest Person Ever!

3,634 posts · joined Jan 2003 ·

#247785
hahaha love the bedroom golf ones

zac
MOB: 0423890217

Da Wiz Officially Full-On Dubber

330 posts · joined Dec 2002 ·

#247814
WTF ... I cannot be the only bloke who has gotten blue balls ... i think it is the most painful feeling in the world ...

someone tell me i am normal !!!!
¯`·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸¸.-> Keepin' it Real !!

zac_smits Coolest Person Ever!

3,634 posts · joined Jan 2003 ·

#247823
did someone kick you there to make them blue??

zac
MOB: 0423890217

Da Wiz Officially Full-On Dubber

330 posts · joined Dec 2002 ·

#247830
dude they don't go blue ... they just feel like they are blue ... you know when a girl gets you excited then rubs up and down against you for way to long ... then does nothing and goes home ... you get blue balls ... ie. they hurt like sh!t...
¯`·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸¸.-> Keepin' it Real !!

Oasis Going alone...

1,806 posts · joined Jul 2003 ·

#247831
Da Wiz wrote:dude they don't go blue ... they just feel like they are blue ... you know when a girl gets you excited then rubs up and down against you for way to long ... then does nothing and goes home ... you get blue balls ... ie. they hurt like sh!t...
Could be bruising😎
"Tell him 'We've already got one'"

zac_smits Coolest Person Ever!

3,634 posts · joined Jan 2003 ·

#247834
i thought what i said was fairly obvious.

but yes i don know what you mean mate...they just tease us sometimes.

:P:P

zac
MOB: 0423890217

jenz58 Postal Menace

9,121 posts · joined Aug 2002 ·

#247855
tease u's....sorry....u just have to see a pair of tits and you need to...

Maybe we should all wear the veil so as not to tease..... 😀

Hey sometimes we need to go home and have a meal of mustard and vinegar before finding some thing constructive to do as well... :P
"All you need is trust and a little bit of pixie dust!"

http://forums.aussieveedubbers.com/viewtopic.php?tid=22473
http://forums.aussieveedubbers.com/viewtopic.php?tid=56558#pid535643

...so I don't loose the links to my rides again hehehe

vw54 Administrator Always Waiting 4 Friday

16,723 posts · joined Aug 2002 ·

#247857
Jen tits dont come in pairs there a perfect matched SET....

yes ive had Blue Balls.... its a true condition
I read it on FACEBOOK so it must be true


http://forums.aussieveedubbers.com/viewtopic.php?tid=91278&page=1#pid848630


http://forums.aussieveedubbers.com/viewtopic.php?tid=63561&page=1#pid624099


http://forums.aussieveedubbers.com/viewtopic.php?tid=4832&page=1#pid452603


http://forums.aussieveedubbers.com/viewtopic.php?tid=60650&page=1#pid574409

vern74 Fahrvergnugen

901 posts · joined Jan 2004 ·

#247868
Blue Balls is a medical condition........its got to be
Every bloke in the world has had it
When I was younger I had CRONIC blue balls !

vern74 Fahrvergnugen

901 posts · joined Jan 2004 ·

#247874
You probably caused the condition......love nurses uniforms

vw54 Administrator Always Waiting 4 Friday

16,723 posts · joined Aug 2002 ·

#247876
Yes Jen u probally caused that condition at the hospital

LOL blue balls yes there is instant relief.
I read it on FACEBOOK so it must be true


http://forums.aussieveedubbers.com/viewtopic.php?tid=91278&page=1#pid848630


http://forums.aussieveedubbers.com/viewtopic.php?tid=63561&page=1#pid624099


http://forums.aussieveedubbers.com/viewtopic.php?tid=4832&page=1#pid452603


http://forums.aussieveedubbers.com/viewtopic.php?tid=60650&page=1#pid574409

vern74 Fahrvergnugen

901 posts · joined Jan 2004 ·

#247879
The relief can be administered several ways :blush
All have the desired effect :bounce

$2.63 homebrand baja

0 posts · joined Feb 2004 ·

#247887
:o ooh boy, this post just keeps getting bigger...... all talk... but is growing... jenz... RUNNNNNN.... dey be gettin all cweepie in here.......... :duh

$2 philosophy: Life is much less complex when you add mustard and vinegar..... This thread is VULGAR.... 😉

You kooky old vw dub pervie men... bet you are all sitting at your pootas in your highcut sexy as stubbies shorts (with added coinslot lift)....and no undies......eeewwwwiieee :puke

jenz58 Postal Menace

9,121 posts · joined Aug 2002 ·

#247919
....ok think I've done enough damage to my squeaky clean reputation....maybe I should run while the goings good...but it has been fun being VULGAR

....oh no $2 u got me thinking of rythming words now!!

.....got my runners on now :thumb

...self censorship can be good...so glad no one came on to look....I think it's time to join the nunnery now

[Edited on 18-10-2004 by jenz58]
"All you need is trust and a little bit of pixie dust!"

http://forums.aussieveedubbers.com/viewtopic.php?tid=22473
http://forums.aussieveedubbers.com/viewtopic.php?tid=56558#pid535643

...so I don't loose the links to my rides again hehehe

zac_smits Coolest Person Ever!

3,634 posts · joined Jan 2003 ·

#248123
haha that's just another uniform jenz.....

i should be in here hahaha. no wait,,,,i'm allowed aren't i.

hahahah

zac
MOB: 0423890217

jenz58 Postal Menace

9,121 posts · joined Aug 2002 ·

#248133
It is another uniform....but gay men seem to like wearing it it :o

....hmmmm so why did I even consider d idea

N we all know what nuns get up to.....eek!!!! They have to stop using mustard n vinegar in d cooking at d nunnery.... 😀

Goodness I was not going to reply again zac.....and you drag the thread back up.....:duh

Why aren't you working!!! Yes you are allowed...but only just...:P
"All you need is trust and a little bit of pixie dust!"

http://forums.aussieveedubbers.com/viewtopic.php?tid=22473
http://forums.aussieveedubbers.com/viewtopic.php?tid=56558#pid535643

...so I don't loose the links to my rides again hehehe